Random Humour Quotes

#1. Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.

Doug MacLeod

#2. I auditioned for 'American Idol' at 17. They told me, 'No.'

Amber Riley

#3. I envy the man to snatch him up. This will be the only time in life I'm siding with Freud and experiencing 'penis envy'. There will never be a repeat. Can't be associated with too much crazy, I'm juggling enough on my own.

Ambrosea Brown

#4. one sentence seemed to change a man, and the world seemed to change, one man at a time.

Jung-Myung Lee

#5. Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.

Spike Milligan

#6. I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that.

Alexei Sayle

#7. I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.

Fakeer Ishavardas

#8. Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn't want it to go to some stranger, he almost wants to bring it to the hospital himself, survey the wards and present it to someone special, for it's the first thing to come straight from his heart in a very long time.

Cecelia Ahern

#9. She might be curt and ungrateful, but by God she could bake.

Eowyn Ivey

#10. Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.

Rick Riordan

#11. You can't ask someone who is not making that kind of money to go to the record store and buy an album when someone down the street has the same record with same sound quality for $5.

Queen Latifah

#12. I was not dressed crazily - I was dressed as a horse. And for a very logical and sane reason.

Diane Messidoro

#13. Yeah no shit, try asking random people about a bird owned by someone you don't know!" Javal countered "Well still you got it!" Javal acknowledged this with a small grin "Now what?" Javal asked Ingra scratched his head "Yeah...Well Dilmore suggested the idea....Not me.

Charon Lloyd-Roberts

#14. In 2009, I served as AARP's Ambassador of Caregiving. With a producer and cameraman, I traveled the country for months, interviewing hundreds of caregivers.

Gail Sheehy

#15. If I had been a dog walker, I would have been the most successful dog walker in Paris.

Tom Ford

#16. When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.

Diane Messidoro

#17. But who I was, who you loved, no longer exists. I have passed on. In your world, only my memory can exist. Your loyalty to me because of that memory is a part of life, but it can become disloyalty to yourself if you hold it so closely that it crowds out the rest of life.

Terry Goodkind

#18. Time and Tide wait for no Man; what about woman ? How Sexist !

Gaurav Rao

#19. I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

Thabang Gideon Magaola

#20. Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually.

Rick Riordan

#21. O God and Father, I repent of my sinful preoccupation with visible things. The world has been too much with me. Thou hast been here and I knew it not. I have been blind to Thy Presence. Open my eyes that I may behold Thee in and around me. For Christ's sake, Amen.

A.W. Tozer

#22. It's much better to be apart and wish you were together than to be together and wish you were apart.

Jeanne Marie Laskas

#23. Antarctic symphony has a geometric relationship to the landscape. It's saying that this landscape and the minimal kind of, you know I'm talking like seeing ice, is visually kind of eerily minimal.

DJ Spooky

#24. I'd lived by quotations, practically all my life.

Loretta Young

#25. Don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male

Keisha Keenleyside

#26. The rainbow is the pot of gold to those who observe.

Thomas F. Shubnell

#27. Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.

Leah Broadby

#28. When you give without expectation, you will always have more to give away.

Debasish Mridha

#29. Clouds are high flying Fog

Gaurav Rao

#30. Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.

Judith Chambers

#31. There was the time I ate liverwurst because my sister told me it tasted like candy.

Kathryn R. Biel

#32. The joy of travel does not lie in reaching the destination, but in the companions met with on the journey, the changing scenery through which the traveller passes, and even the inconveniences that break up the monotony of the ordinary routine life.

A.R. Calhoon