Top 63 Quotes About Gods Humor
#1. When, for instance, a highly esteemed professor in his seventies abandons his family and runs off with a young red-headed actress, we know that the gods have claimed another victim.
C. G. Jung
#2. They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the secret of true humor, which sympathizes with gods themselves, in view of their grotesque, half-finished creatures.
Henry David Thoreau
#3. After playing Halo 2 for 3 hours, I went out and mowed down a Red Cross blood bank, raped anything with a pulse, and trashed the local mall. Then I toasted the gods of destruction with a goblet of blood stolen from a Girl Guide's body.
Douglas Coupland
#4. A large praying mantis was performing ablutions on the springy stem of the kid's cowlick. The gunslinger snorted laughter-the first in gods knew how long-and set the fire and went after water.
Stephen King
#5. One ought to have some sort of transcendent realization that the world exists because the gods are trapped in the same abyss you've occupied for three years. It should be inspiring or comforting or, I don't know, cathartic.
Anaea Lay
#6. Couldn't you hypnotize her or something?"
"It doesn't work like that."
"I thought vampires were all sex gods with the ladies."
Cade looked at him. "What gave you that idea?"
"Uh ... late-night TV, mostly ... "
"Humans are our food. Do you want to have sex with a cow?
Christopher Farnsworth
#7. My dear countrymen, I hope that you will live to see the day when you learn to believe in other gods than a few movie whores and a couple of prize-fighters.
Friedrich Reck-Malleczewen
#8. Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
Terry Pratchett
#9. Thunder gods don't hide."
The Russian shrugged. "I am not like Thor. I have Russian depth of character. And I like to help people, not hurt them. Usually I help with vodka. You want some?
Kevin Hearne
#10. In fact the Gods were as puzzled by all this as the wizards were, but they were powerless to do anything and in any case were engaged in an eons-old battle with the Ice Giants, who had refused to return the lawnmower.
Terry Pratchett
#11. A half-blood of the eldest dogs ... "
"Er, Percy?" Annabeth interrupted. "That's gods. Not dogs.
Rick Riordan
#12. all gods were like that: the knife behind the smile, the drop of poison in the honey jar. They liked to bind you to them, make you dance on razorblades.
Liz Williams
#13. From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails
Steve Aylett
#14. They desecrate Riora's sacred temple! She will be enraged."
"Oh, gods, look at the marble. We are all beyond doomed."
"Somebody put a plant in front of it!
Kresley Cole
#15. Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.
Agnes Repplier
#16. Why do I hate spiders? Gods, who doesn't? What a stupid question.
Steven Erikson
#17. Yes!" Narissus unslung his bow and grabbed an arrow from his dusty quiver. "The first one who get that bronze, I will like you almost as much as I like me. I might even kiss you, right after I kiss my reflection!"
"Oh my gods!" the nymphs squealed.
Rick Riordan
#18. Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
Joseph Campbell
#19. He dislikes even to touch these things, for they are the runes of an idiotic but nevertheless potent and evil magic; the magic of the think-machine gods, whose cult has one dogma - we cannot make a mistake.
Christopher Isherwood
#20. I wonder how Admat can be everywhere. Is he in my sandal? Or is he my sandal itself? Why would a god bother to be a sandal? Does he wear shoes or sandals himself, invisible ones?
Gail Carson Levine
#21. Sorry!I just couldn't control myself!" would be the excuse any virile man would offer to a girl he had just deflowered- after the event. He would offer the same excuse to Jupiter Foo. The King of the Gods would surely blow his top- like Vulcan, the Volcano God!Yak! Yak! Yak![MMT]
Nicholas Chong
#22. Turns out that once you kill a god, people want to talk to you. Paranormal insurance salesmen with special "godslayer" term life policies. Charlatan's with "godproof" armor and extraplanar safe houses for rent. But most notably, other gods ...
Kevin Hearne
#23. Kira: L, do you know
Gods of death
love apples?
L: Damn you, Kira ...
Tsugumi Ohba
#24. Oh, gods. Not the flying!"
"I heard you mounted my sister well enough."
"I want you never to make that statement again.
G.A. Aiken
#26. So the gods," Moash said, nursing his own drink, "were pleased that you solved problems on your own ... by going to other gods and begging them for help instead?"
"Hush," Rock said. "Is good story.
Brandon Sanderson
#28. If I convert it's because it's better that a believer dies than that an atheist does.
Christopher Hitchens
#29. I'll wager I would have screwed things up regardless. But ... can you imagine those poor bastards grappling their prey, leaping over the rails, swords in hand, screaming, 'Your cats! Give us all your gods-damned cats!
Scott Lynch
#30. A young man of godlilke proportions* was standing in the doorway.
* The better class of gods, anyway. Not the ones with the tentacles, obviously.
Terry Pratchett
#31. All masculine, hard-bodied and sensual, he was a deadly weapon sent by the gods to drive women mad, and a walking billboard for all things wicked and carnal. Orgasms! Get your orgasms here. Hot and juicy! Just how you like 'em!
Lisa Sanchez
#32. Why would Roman gods want to date Chinese Canadians?
Rick Riordan
#34. Libations are for the gods. Cocktails are for mere mortals.
Jonathan Kieran
#35. Did someone just call me the wine dude?" he asked in a lazy drawl. "It's Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don't-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus.
Rick Riordan
#36. If there is a god maybe it rewards those who don't believe on the basis of insufficient evidence
and punishes those who do.
Peter Boghossian
#37. We passed through glowering statues of monsters and gods whom I'd fought in person- the vulture Nekhbet, who'd once possessed my Gran (Long story); the crocodile Sobek, who'd tried to kill my cat (longer story); and the lion goddess Sekhmet, whom we'd once vanished with hot sauce (don't even ask)
Rick Riordan
#39. Had I ever been so terrified? Perhaps when Typhon raged across the earth, scattering the gods before him. Perhaps when Gaea unleashed her giants to tear down Olympus. Or perhaps when I accidentally saw Ares naked in the gymnasium. That had been enough to turn my hair white for a century.
Rick Riordan
#40. What does one do when one needs to pray to the gods for patience but a god is causing the need for patience?
Kevin Hearne
#41. Once I knew what I was doing
I was there and with it;
I had the total knowing.
I Googled God and orgasmed
At the amount of Gods and
Monsters out there posted about.
Initially NO
#42. But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!
Bill Watterson
#43. People don't just appear on the beach unless they're demigods or gods or really, really lost pizza delivery guys. (It's happened - but that's another story.)
Rick Riordan
#44. Once I dreamed of flying, she thought, and now I've flown, and dream of stealing eggs. That made her laugh. "Men are mad and gods are madder" she told the grass, and the grass murmured its agreement.
George R R Martin
#45. You can stick your questions up your ass."
He slammed his tail in front of her. "I don't think I heard you,
little witch."
"You heard me just fine and stop threatening me with that thing!"
She kicked his tail.
By the gods, she was absolutely adorable!
G.A. Aiken
#46. It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.
Terry Pratchett
#47. Some days life just wasn't worth the trouble of chewing through the leather straps on the straitjacket.
Katie Maxwell
#48. Imagining the gods could hear him, Mycaela murmured to the well, "I wish I could find a man who'd take me away forever." He laughed softly. "But there are no stories about princes who wish for princes.
Ash Gray
#49. He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl.
'How do I look?'
'Like the ugliest shanky girl I've ever seen,' Minho responded. 'You better thank the gods above you were born a dude.'
'Thanks.
James Dashner
#50. How is it that I am completely naked while you haven't shed even one stitch of clothing?"
"Because you were dinner, Rebecca."
A snort escaped, mixing with her laughter. "Remind me to have dinner with you more often. I have been missing out."
"You? What about me?
Krystal Shannan
#51. Kyle clapped his hands together. "Goody! The Zoe dates back some 3000 years to when the Greek gods ruled."
"Who's Zoe?" I interjected.
Kyle huffed. "It's not a who, it's a what.
Nicole Gulla
#52. Man is certainly stark mad; he cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens.
Michel De Montaigne
#53. I'm not above using unsavory beings to kick the Gods' asses, but the Phantoms are too unpredictable for my taste, I said.
Laura Kreitzer
#54. It is said by some that the gods show us their bitter humor by molding us into what we hate most in others.
Raymond E. Feist
#56. I'll let you in on a secret. I don't drink coffee."
I genuinely gasped in horror. "The devil you say. Java is the nectar of the gods. I don't know if I can be with a man who doesn't drink coffee." I knew there was something sinister about him. I had no idea it would be that bad.
Charlie Cochet
#57. Gods take whoever designed this crawlspace and jam them inside a sardine can. Then put that sardine can inside a pill box and shoot both into a black hole. Ugh, and I am having a very long discussion with Orn and his habit of throwing old candy sticks through the grates!
Sabrina Zbasnik
#58. One night, in his cups, he drank a jar of wildfire, after telling his friends it would transform him into a dragon, but the gods were kind and it transformed him into a corpse.
George R R Martin
#59. You are one of the unfortunate ones whose body decays rapidly in the face of radiation poisoning. You hang your head over the toilet to vomit again and again, and die praying to the porcelain gods.
A.J. Lauer
#60. I love to read (du) okay i love to read about alpha males and gods shadowhunter maze runner half bloods divergent a good romance
Gena Showalter
#61. Oberon "Holy revelations Druidman! She's on to us!"
Atticus "Gods below, I think you're right! Quick, to the Geekmobile!
Kevin Hearne
#63. I'm told I have the body of a god."
"A Greek god, or one of those gods with the horse heads or elephant's legs coming out of their chests?" Alan asked. "Next time someone tells you that, ask them to specify.
Sarah Rees Brennan
