Quotes About Flatulence

#1. We don't know what those other cycles were caused by in the past. Could be dinosaur flatulence, you know, or who knows?

Dana Rohrabacher

#2. The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!

Jessica Simpson

#3. Tiny emerged on deck some hours later, shaken but smiling. He said that what he had been considering love had turned out to be simple flatulence. He said he wished all his romantic problems could be solved as easily.

John Steinbeck

#4. I would rather have an elephant with a flatulence problem sit on my face.

Samantha Young

#5. You cannot spontaneously levitate and hover above the ground, whether or not you are seated in the lotus position. Although, in principle, you could perform this stunt if you managed to let loose a powerful and sustained exhaust of flatulence.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

#6. When you're taxing bovine flatulence emissions, there's nothing left to tax.

Mark Steyn

#7. It wasn't a bang or a boom. It was the dampest, most corpulent eruption in the history of terminal flatulence.

Terry Pratchett

#8. He considered earthquakes and decided they were the result of air trapped inside the earth that had sought a way out, a form of geological flatulence.

Alain De Botton

#9. the question hung there like an invisible wall of flatulence

Neal Stephenson

#10. Do I suffer for my art? Well, I get a lot of flatulence when I'm nervous.

Martin Clunes

#11. Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow frequently and to puff

Harold Nicolson

#12. Modernism has been consumed and remains partially digested in the belly of capital, awaiting occasional bouts of flatulence.

Nick Dunn

#13. Flatulence peaks twice a day ... five hours after lunch and five hours after dinner.

Mary Roach

#14. During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office.

Dan Thompson

#15. It was a summer of great rumblings in the belly of the earth, of atomic flatulence and geopolitical indigestion, consequences of the consumption of sectarian chickpeas by our famished and increasingly incontinent subcontinent.

Mohsin Hamid

#16. Miguel tries to look jokey-penitent, but misses and looks like a man in white jeans who underestimates a spot of flatulence.

David Mitchell

#17. [To Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford, on his return from self-imposed exile, occasioned by the embarrassing flatulence he had experienced in the presence of the Queen:] My Lord, I had forgot the fart.

Elizabeth I

#18. Foul and magical fumes bubbled out of the kettle, like the flatulence of a dragon on a demon-only diet.

Christopher Moore

#19. Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people who talk about stuff other than girlfriends and relationships and flatulence and genitalia. There are very few of them who actually talk about real stuff.

Tom Lehrer

#20. Inspiration: A peculiar effect of divine flatulence emitted by the Holy Spirit which hisses into the ears of a few chosen of God.

Voltaire

#21. But underneath it all she could not conceive that the boy the gypsies took away was the same lout who would eat half a suckling pig for lunch and whose flatulence withered flowers.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

#22. Loving difficult people will refine us. Perhaps only in heaven will our love be so perfected that we can actually like these people, too. St. Augustine spoke of a man who, on earth, had chronic gas problems; in heaven, his flatulence became perfect music.

Scott Hahn

#23. Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin
"Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting." - Calvin's mom

Bill Watterson

#24. I think a lot of times dreams are nothing more than a kind of mental or spiritual flatulence. They're a way of relieving pressure.

Stephen King

#25. Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.

Zach Braff

#26. Leaning forward in the chair, Harley squeezed out a controlled fart, so no one could hear it. This damn reception area was like a echo chamber. If he weren't careful, it could reverberate around the hall like a shotgun blast.

Alan Kinross

#27. I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly.

Pawan Mishra

#28. Coinman lets out another legendary explosive from his hindquarters!

Pawan Mishra

#29. He pivoted on one buttock and broke wind. Dukhi leaned back to allow it free passage, wondering what penalty might adhere to the offence of interfering with the waft of brahminical flatus.

Rohinton Mistry

#30. My nights are flatulent and unquiet.

Samuel Johnson

#31. The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)

Mary Roach