Nasty Humor Quotes

#1. I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

Doug Benson

#2. All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

Billy Connolly

#3. They hadn't read as many stories as Malicia, and were rather more attached to the experience of real life, which is that when someone small and righteous takes on someone big and nasty, he is grilled bread product, very quickly.

Terry Pratchett

#4. If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all."
"Too bad your personality's not water-soluble.

Jesse Hajicek

#5. There was a sort of gallery structure in the roof space which held a bed and also a bathroom which you could actually swing a cat in. But only if it was a reasonably patient cat and didn't mind a few nasty cracks about the head.

Douglas Adams

#6. Sentimental outbreaks are like liquorice; when first you suck it, it's not bad, but afterwards it leaves a very nasty taste in the mouth.

Ivan Turgenev

#7. There's nothing worse than the day you find out that your parents are nasty, horny mortals like everyone else. It just kills your childhood.

Candice Raquel Lee

#8. If after hearing my songs just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or perhaps to strike a loved one it will all have been worth the while.

Tom Lehrer

#9. Die human, DIE!! Die nasty polluting person!!!!' yelled Grover. I turned him so he faced me. He kept on clicking his plastic gun towards me as if I was part of the game.

Rick Riordan

#10. Do you think she was gay before or after she started watching Xena?" the male squirrel asked. "That subtext works like a nasty termite. It undermines the structure of human females from within.

Blayne Cooper

#11. Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships.

Sacha Baron Cohen

#12. Dorothy asked timidly: "Did his wife say anything?
"She sent her love to you."
Nora said: "Stop being nasty.

Dashiell Hammett

#13. To Gran, "strong medicine" could be good or bad, just like the laxatives she was forever
talking about. Good for makin' the mail move smooth, but too much and you shit yer
brains out.
-strange angels

Lili St. Crow

#14. They've got, she spat the word, 'style. Beauty. Grace. That's what matters. If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are.

Terry Pratchett

#15. No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.

Jeremy Clarkson

#16. I wouldn't mind dispatching all 3 of my room mates vile felines in this apartment. Nasty beasts. I'm just afraid I wouldn't be able to sell "curiosity" as a serial killer.

Geoffrey Hill

#17. Yoh: Being popular with guys isn't something you can just stitch together!

Haruna: What?! I Can't?!

Yoh: OF COURSE NOT!

Yoh: Mixing coke, tea and orange juice would taste nasty, right?! That's exactly what you're doing!

Kazune Kawahara

#18. In this nasty-ass strip club bathroom full of pissing dudes and possible rogue ejaculators, Shades is no longer some guy I love fucking. He's some guy I fucking love.

Kendall Grey

#19. Always remember that you can explain things for people, but you can't comphrend for them.

Shannon L. Alder

#20. When you say nasty things about people, you should never say the true ones, because you can't really trully and honestly take those back ...

John Green

#21. You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.

Ellen DeGeneres

#22. He spits out an epithet so nasty I think it's only legal in England. And then only when your favourite football club loses.

Tera Lynn Childs

#23. I can follow pretty much every programming language out there, I can make a two-hundred-year-old diary out of some really nasty ingredients, I can even make sense out of the instruction booklets that come with IKEA furniture, but I can*not* make heads or tails of this nonsense right here.

Keith R.A. DeCandido

#24. We have gotten so use to humor being something nasty and offensive that we started to believe that was the only way to get a laugh.

John Patrick Hickey

#25. Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. I'm not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one.

Mark A. Cooper

#26. Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

Dorothy Parker

#27. Prickly
When I'm feeling
porcupine-y,
I get nasty,
I get whiny.
Stay away or
I might stick you.
My sharp words are
quills to prick you.

Laura Purdie Salas

#28. I hope that in the final settlement of the war, you insist that the Germans retain Lorraine, because I can imagine no greater burden than to be the owner of this nasty country where it rains every day.

George S. Patton Jr.

#29. He said, "If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site." Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil.

Shannon L. Alder

#30. That bitch fate had a nasty sense of humor.

Lorelei James

#31. This might be the last time you get to drive the beef bus to tuna town," I say. "You'd better make it good, so I don't have any excuses to forget your hot ass.

Kendall Grey

#32. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

Rita Rudner

#33. No, really," I said. "Now that we know that Flores is really this nasty, fiery, superpowerful nothing-can-kill-me demon from hell, maybe we should consider just giving Christy to him?

Patricia Briggs

#34. A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

George Bernard Shaw

#35. Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.

Jasper Fforde

#36. Maybe I didn't try as hard as I ought when he started calling you
names. Serves him right, the nasty old turd. Punch him again, Moth - Peaseblossom

Lisa Mantchev

#37. If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

Terry Pratchett