Top 32 Mrs. Santa Claus Quotes
#1. Tilli stroked her Chihuahua. Max's heart made a sound like the sleigh bells on Mrs. Santa Claus's dildo.
Tom Robbins
#2. I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.
David Cross
#3. It brings back a long-forgotten memory of Christmas, the year I turned six. I was supposed to be in bed, but I was up waiting and watching for my father or Santa Claus, whoever came first.
Carolee Dean
#4. You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy ... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better ... Something just a shade more friendly ... "
"How about 'Dear Fatty'?
Charles M. Schulz
#5. Who the hell wants to be the one to tell a kid that santa claus isn't real. it's the truth, right? but you're still a jerk for saying it.
David Levithan
#6. My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely - a creature they'd known for centuries - because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus.
Kevin Hearne
#7. Santa Claus is a lie but if you think that's bad, check out what 'fuck' really means.
Andrew Smith
#8. All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes.
Maud Lindsay
#10. It's better to ask Santa Claus for a pair of slippers for Christmas rather than peace on earth. You might actually get it.
Terry Pratchett
#11. I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person.
Trey Parker
#12. I know I'm 38 but I insist that santa claus exists and he raped my mother when I was 9.
Thom Yorke
#13. No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Francis Pharcellus Church
#14. I like the way Chee kept God magical, sorta like Santa Claus when you're a kid. More priests should take this approach, because there is a frickin' reason why Santa Claus is more popular than Jesus nowadays.
Matthew Quick
#15. A born terror, a rebel without a pause ...
Ain't never had a good Christmas, so who is Santa Claus?
Shyheim
#16. I have never tried to walk through a mall in the Christmas season dressed like a jolly old elf. You might as well dress up like a pork chop and walk into an alley full of starving dogs.
Thomm Quackenbush
#17. Santa Claus and all his little presents tend to get in the way of God's message."
"As can religion," Santa replied.
Brom
#18. Basher shook his head. "No, we climbed in through a ground-floor guest bedroom all ninja-like. Snuck up the back stairs."
"Then you might be the cavalry," said Tom, "but I'm Santa Claus. Let's go downstairs and open some presents.
Jonathan Maberry
#19. Human life [is] ... a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait.
Eric Berne
#20. Santa Claus was white and everything bad was black. The little ugly duckling was the black duck, and the black cat was the bad luck. And if I threaten you, I'm going to blackmail you.I said, 'Momma, why don't they call it 'whitemail'? They lie too.'
Muhammad Ali
#22. More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.
Linda Sunshine
#23. He had a white beard and twinkly blue eyes, and all in all gave the impression of what Santa Claus would look like if he'd converted to Christian and gone without a good meal sine last Christmas.
Barbara Kingsolver
#24. Do some good to the ghetto, Mr. Kris Kringle.
Come and stay awhile, kick it with God's Angels.
Take and acknowledge my wisdom and understand
That Santa Claus is a black man.
Keith Murray
#25. It looks like you're mocking me as if I am a girl who still believes in Santa Claus. Emily says.
Pet Torres
#26. Sit peacefully in a church and think of church history: witchburning perhaps, or child abuse, genocide, the amassing of disgusting wealth, the repression of women, inquisitions, castrating child choir singers, the denial of Santa Claus and the support of fascists in power.
Kaz Cooke
#27. Santa is like a queen bee. All the elves are his drones, who exist to feed him royal jelly, which I guess would be milk and cookies. If an elf escapes and eats royal cookies, it will turn into another Santa. That's what all those mall Santas are. They're trying to start their own festive colonies.
Thomm Quackenbush
#28. [It's Not About You, Mr. Santa Claus,] is a fun read and a twist on Christmas, because it does involve Santa Claus and Jesus, and it doesn't say that Santa Claus is bad, but it's the child explaining to Santa Claus the true reason for the season is Jesus.
Soraya Diase Coffelt
#29. On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.
David Sedaris
#31. Now I admit that the notion of a warless world is a pleasant and attractive thought. But people who believe that there can be such a thing should ask it of Santa Claus, in whom they doubtless also believe.
Revilo P. Oliver
#32. I discovered that the real meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with you at all. It is about a very special gift. I want to you tell you about this gift.
Soraya Diase Coffelt
