Top 43 Lesbian Humor Quotes
#1. Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it.
Kate Clinton
#2. If cheese was a woman, I'd marry her. I'd come home and eat her every night.
Solange Nicole
#3. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country.
George W. Bush
#4. Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
Adam Carolla
#5. Nobody taught me to be like this. I was born this way. Since I opened my eyes to the world, I have never slept with a man. Never. Just imagine what purity. I have nothing to be ashamed of.
[2000]
Chavela Vargas
#6. GIVE YOUR BRAIN AS MUCH ATTENTION AS YOU DO YOUR HAIR AND YOU'LL BE A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER OFF.
Barbara Kruger
#7. So this is what men are like. Well, that's it, then - I am going to be a lesbian.
Louise Rennison
#8. I think the waiters and hostess are beginning to recognize me. They must either think I'm the most popular girl in Chicago or a lesbian seriously looking for The One. Either option is far less embarrassing than the truth: 'I'm here auditioning best friends forever!
Rachel Bertsche
#9. I figured if I hoped hard enough, you wouldn't stand a chance, that even if you were straight, you'd succumb to my sparkling charm and wit and you'd convert just for me."
I almost choked on the last sip of my wine. "And you'd win the toaster oven," I teased.
"Yes,
Eva Indigo
#10. I have a metal plate in my head, and can pop my shoulder and pop it back.
Jackie Chan
#11. May there be no frost on your potatoes, nor worms in your cabbage.
Emma Donoghue
#12. Poisinet's verses are like spoiled children - loved only by their father.
Sophie Arnould
#13. Everything people do is because their need to do it,if it is not for direct need,then for indirect one, as: eating out of boredom not hunger.
Hadeer
#14. a woman would have to be a blind lesbian nun to not be affected by him.
Carol Maloney Scott
#15. Mandy (lentil eating, lesbian, long socks) in PR
Poppet
#16. I don't see why ogling same-sex kissing should be the exclusive domain of frat boys whacking off to lesbian action, that's so sexist. Feminism should be all inclusive- it should be about sexual liberation, equal pay for equal work, and the fundamental girl right of boy2boy appreciation.
Rachel Cohn
#17. I'm assuming you didn't just call me to come out of the closet to a blind woman'
'Oh, it's something I do everyday,' Kate said, enjoying Faith's sense of humor. 'I open up a phone book, randomly select a name, dial it, and when they answer, I proclaim I'm a lesbian and then hang up.
Laurie Salzler
#18. How do you know your boss is a lesbian?
It's when she always park her bike in a dike
Stephan Attia
#20. When you go up in the ranking, for sure you have more friends.
Stan Wawrinka
#21. I'm twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I'm the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all.
H.J. Bellus
#22. I'm not the best singer, but I like the way I sing my songs.
Benmont Tench
#23. Sometimes I look at him
and I want to get on my best heels.
Sometimes I look at him
and I want to be a lesbian.
He says that I'm too moody.
Casey Renee Kiser
#25. [Looking like a straight girl] means wearing clothes that seek and destroy comfort. These are garments designed by gay men to attract heterosexual men. The straight girl is simply the hanger for an inside joke.
Mary Dugger
#26. Before my mom decided she was a lesbian, I thought lesbians were all these really nice, earthy, crunchy, let's smother you with our twenty extra pounds of lady love and fight the power people.
Alison Umminger
#27. Oh. And lesbian is another name for welder?
Joe Hart
#28. Being in the movie [School of Rock] was really cool. Sometimes we had to do takes over, but Jack always kept us going. He was fun.
Miranda Cosgrove
#29. She's a lesbian Marty. Girls, she likes girls and no amount of frosted eye shadow is going to make her want dick.
Dakota Cassidy
#30. You would never expect a black woman to be the hero.
Sanaa Lathan
#31. Tony knew if he ever needed anything done again, he was calling on the Lesbian Network of Massachusetts. Those girls worked fast. And they were everywhere.
K.A. Mitchell
#32. I remember being in high school, and you had to draw those lines and define yourself. I don't think when I was in high school I would have been willing to admit that I liked the Shins. I was into TSOL and Black Flag. I probably would have listened to the Shins secretly in my bedroom.
James Mercer
#33. Maybe you can explain to me what is so spectacular about her, because you gay girls can't seem to keep your hands off that daffy redhead.
Cassandra Duffy
#34. Not wanting anyone to pop my bubble by speaking to me, I immediately began reading Lesbian Nuns, and that did the trick. No one attempted small talk.
John Waters
#35. In business, I look for economic castles protected by unbreachable 'moats'.
Warren Buffett
#36. I could never be a lesbian because I have a really good sense of humor.
Bonnie McFarlane
#37. Republicans cannot be trusted to end the culture of corruption,
Harry Reid
#38. It pains me deeply to see members of my own party attempting to legislate women's health and contraception choices.
Linda Lingle
#39. And not that it matters, but my mother is not a lesbian! She's just a really, really bad heterosexual.
Carrie Fisher
#40. Is there n-nothing you can do?" Parmida asked, wiping her tears away with the heel of her hand.
The unicorn laughed softly. "She asks for a boon after shooting me in the ass.
Ash Gray
#41. If you are against yourself, you will never reach your highest potential. And when you criticize yourself, you're criticizing God.
Joel Osteen
#42. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian, it would make life so much easier. I hear they're more than ninety-percent faithful. What a concept!
Nanci Rathbun
#43. So let me get this straight
May's a virgin, lesbian, doppleganger, wyvern's mate?
Katie MacAlister
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