Top 55 Intelligent Humor Quotes
#1. Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.
Carroll Bryant
#2. I believe you to be strictly honorable.'He thoughtfully emptied his cup. 'I wish I could add you were intelligent,' he went on, knocking on his head with his knuckles.
Robert Louis Stevenson
#3. The universe had no choice but to create intelligent life so that there would be someone else that could simply laugh at how unbelievably, ridiculously and senselessly huge the universe is and how utterly insignificant the rest of us are.
Ian Strang
#4. College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you're qualified.
Korey Miracle
#5. It was at this time that I formed one of my own insights: it was strange how intelligent people, like Raffles, without being asked, freely spout off their insights and actually expect less intelligent people, like me, to be interested.
Tom Upton
#6. I love Wal-mart! It's the only place in the world where I feel rich, beautiful and highly intelligent.
Angelina Assanti
#8. Since I enjoy intelligent conversation, I generally want an IQ that's larger than the bra size."
"So, if I'm a drooling idiot, you'll leave me alone?
Ann Bruce
#9. You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that.
Albert Camus
#11. I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others.
Mike Corbett
#12. There is a sort of mental treason
That smothers dreams outside of reason
Mike Corbett
#13. Is there an intelligent man or woman now in the world who believes in the Garden of Eden story? If you find any man who believes it, strike his forehead and you will hear an echo. Something is for rent.
Robert G. Ingersoll
#14. Never trust a woman hoarding a half-eaten bag of M&M's.
K.D. Harp
#15. My silence was reward for you saying something intelligent. I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement.
Sam Argent
#16. There is nothing like the way people feel after they've seen 'The Intouchables.' They feel amazing. The word of mouth on this film is incredible. It's intelligent-feeling good. You're not insulted by the low-browness or stupidity of some of the humor. It's so smart and terrific.
Harvey Weinstein
#17. I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.
Jim Butcher
#18. Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.
Terry Pratchett
#19. Now I feel like James Bond. Suave and intelligent, breaking all the codes while looking fabulous.
Jim Butcher
#20. I find that socialism is often misunderstood by its least intelligent supporters and opponents to mean simply unrestrained indulgence of our natural propensity to heave bricks at respectable persons.
George Bernard Shaw
#21. Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently
Sarah MacLean
#22. And specimens like this confirmed there had been some kind of divine rule in the universe because no natural selection process was up to the task of creating something like him. This was some god's, somewhere's, handiwork.
Nicole Williams
#23. I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle ... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)
Elizabeth Peters
#24. The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.
George Lucas
#25. I think you're intelligent and charming, and that you're a person with a kind heart. I know that when you want to, you can look more beautiful than anyone I've ever met. You're independent, you've got a good sense of humor, and you show surprising patience with children. -Alex
Nicholas Sparks
#26. Phones with numerical keypads worked best for dialing phone calls. Incidentally, phone calls tend to be the primary function of a phone. 'Smartphones' completely ignore these basic facts, resulting in some of the least intelligent devices I've seen yet. Oh the irony.
Ashly Lorenzana
#28. With faces entirely invisible through suits, it was hard to be sure, but my impression was that he was watching me and copying my every move. I felt this proved he was intelligent.
Janet Edwards
#29. Most people who spew hatred aren't very intelligent or motivated. They tend to be lazy, and if for some reason they are coaxed into picking up a pen, their messages are mostly incoherent and largely illiterate.
Damien Echols
#30. I would say that Emma Stone and Emma Watson are two very talented young actresses who are very intelligent and have a great sense of humor and have learned to balance what they love with their acting career, and I think that's really a great thing.
Kara Hayward
#31. [In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth.
Stephen Hawking
#32. I call it predicament humor. You don't do anything that cuts the star off at the knees or worse. You make him intelligent; you give him great ideas and great things to do.
Glen A. Larson
#33. Alternatively, anyone who favors Intelligent Design in lieu of evolution might pause to wonder why God devoted so much of His intelligence to designing malarial parasites.
David Quammen
#34. He gives very questioning sermons, Bazil. Sometimes I wonder if he's entirely stable, or then again, if he might be simply ... intelligent.
Louise Erdrich
#35. I'm intelligent because my mother stood in the brain-line and not the train-line.
Lorraine Gokul
#36. Cynicism is extremely contagious, and the most pious among us cannot long endure its potency. The gullible should be on their guard, however, since this endearing quality frequently masquerades as wit.
Mike Corbett
#37. Could we go into your room?" she asked. "I knew it. I knew it," he said, spinning around and sliding quickly toward his door. "It's finally happend, just like in dreams. An intelligent, beautiful woman is going to declare her undying affection
Arthur C. Clarke
#38. Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
Terry Pratchett
#39. THE FINAL TOUCH
Portrait of nobody in particular
Idiots are really
one hundred per cent
when they are also
intelligent.
Piet Hein
#40. But most of all, what really attracted me to her was her manner. She laughed a lot, and it's easy to fall for someone who can find humor in any situation. She was also intelligent, well read, and well spoken, willing to listen and confident in her beliefs. And most of all, she was warm.
Nicholas Sparks
#41. No quality imparts apparent strength to its possessors more effectively than faith. From hospital beds to battlefields, it is the iron that strengthens a man to confront his destiny.
Mike Corbett
#42. Dicky was intelligent but he ended up selling tea because he was socially retarded.
Johnny B. Truant
#43. I need to end up with someone who is strong, intelligent, independent, someone I really admire - sensitive, sensuous, warm, a sense of humor.
Pam Dawber
#44. A guilty conscience is jealousy's playground.
L. Quick
#45. The trouble with playing a trick on a highly intelligent man like Mr. Teller is that the time it takes him to figure out from the moment that he sees there is something wrong till he understands exactly what happened is too damn small to give you any pleasure!
Richard Feynman
#46. M*A*S*H offered real characters and everybody identified with them because they had such soul. The humor was intelligent and it always assumed that you had an intellect.
Loretta Swit
#47. I'm going to write a book about an intelligent woman who does stupid things when it comes to men. I'll call it, "My Memoirs.
N.M. Silber
#48. When she looked at him with those dark eyes, Nassar felt the urge to say something intelligent and deeply impressive. Unfortunately, nothing of the kind came to mind.
Ilona Andrews
#49. A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It's the same qualities I require from a man.
Catherine Deneuve
#50. I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Arthur C. Clarke
#51. So I left my wonderfully intelligent family and soaked myself in the bath and considered drowning myself. Then I remembered I still had chocolate cake left over from yesterday so I came back up for air. Some things are worth living for.
Cecelia Ahern
#52. Two young actresses I admire are Emma Stone and Emma Watson, because they are intelligent, talented actresses and have a great sense of humor. They have learned to balance what they love in life - acting, school and everything else.
Kara Hayward
#53. Can there really be a form of verse where all that counts is the number of syllables in a line? No patterning of stress at all? What is the point?
Well, that is a fair and intelligent question and I congratulate myself for asking it.
Stephen Fry
#54. And the state of his bathroom
I'm not one to gossip, but there are things crusted on his sink that have not simply developed intelligent life, but have in all probability by now envolved their own political systems.
Neil Gaiman
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