I Kid You Not Quotes

#1. [Tax] dollars go to projects that have little or nothing to do with the public good things like fruit fly research in Paris, France. I kid you not.

Sarah Palin

#2. Because I am foreign I was assigned to the foreign desk. I kid you not, its true.

Christiane Amanpour

#3. We would get to study you, frankly, said a tall, lean man who, I kid you not, looked just like Bill Nye the Science Guy.

James Patterson

#4. There was a single ray of sun shining through the window. I got up, went to the cracked glass, and saw that it was both raining and shining outside
a bit of meteorological weirdness whose name no one can seem to agree on. My mom, I kid you not, refers to it as orphan's tears.

Ransom Riggs

#5. One day, while at the drugstore picking up some aspirin for my Mom, dear old Mrs. Burns, our pharmacist, shoved a pack of condoms into my hand with a conspiratorial wink.
"They glow in the dark," she whispered.
This, from a sixty-five year-old granny, I kid you not. Stuff of nightmares.

Ramona Wray

#6. My books - I kid you not - are very often shelved between DeLillo and de Sade. Which not only completely cracks me up, but it seems like an encouraging message from the universe: between those two, there's a lot of wiggle room. I feel just fine there.

Stacey D'Erasmo

#7. When I started working on Southwest Airlines, I kid you not, only people flying on business and very wealthy people ever flew.

Herb Kelleher

#8. I was born with this horrible affliction that leaves me attracted to men. Why haven't they invented a cure for that shit yet? Check the facts. It's the world's deadliest disease. I kid you not.

C.M. Stunich

#9. Statistics show that many people watch our show from the bedroom. and people you ask into your bedroom have to be more interesting than those you ask into your living room. I kid you not!

Jack Paar

#10. Acheron: You're really not right, are you?
Nick: Yeah. I know. It was all the paint chips I ate as a kid. They were good, but chromosomally damaging

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#11. There's not a lot of room anymore for what I call 'made-up' drama. The drama comes from real places now - marriage takes work and focus, the kid stuff takes patience and commitment. And if you don't grow as people and as a couple, within all of that, then you've got some real drama.

Jeremy Sisto

#12. With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself.

Hugh Jackman

#13. Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. I'm celebrated in Detroit.

Kid Rock

#14. You hear terrible stories because there'll be a story about some terrible kid, but most of the kids I work with are terrific kids. They're poor, maybe their families are broken, so they're not coming home to a mom and dad and a nice dinner every night. But these kids are capable.

Rafe Esquith

#15. Kid, I've only known you two days and I've seen you plastered three times." He shook his head. "A bar would not be a good career move for you.

Jennifer Crusie

#16. I love the idea of making movies that kids and adults can go to together and both get something out of it, and not just, 'Oh, I've got to take my kid to the movie because they want to see the next, you know, 'Hannah Montana' movie or whatever.'

Rob Reiner

#17. When I was a kid I did marshal arts, and then I did all-star crazy competitive cheer and dance, and then I swam so I was very muscular. You know, healthy, but not quite as thin as I am.

Ashley Greene

#18. Very much like that, and very much a loner, do you know and I didn't fit really into sport or all kind of group activities as a kid, I couldn't find a niche. And music was not really part of the kind of village curriculum it would, you know.

Eric Clapton

#19. There's more to me, you know? I'm not Macaulay Culkin, 'Home Alone' kid. I'm Macaulay Culkin ... actor.

Macaulay Culkin

#20. I have to give my family credit for putting up with the racket, because as some of you may know, its not the easiest thing in the world to live with a kid who's trying to become a rock and roll drummer.

Max Weinberg

#21. I'll tell a young kid in a minute, 'If you don't know how to read, then what good is trying to be an MC?' Like, you can MC, but if you're not trying to be a better person, learn and apply that to your MCing, then how far do you think you're really going to go?

Raekwon

#22. I feel like my competition is everything else that's competing for people's attention, not just other print magazines, newspapers and cable. It's your kid's report card and the games you want to play, all the things that compete for people's time.

Nancy Gibbs

#23. You have to pass an exam, and the jobs that you get are either to shine shoes, or to herd cows, or to tend pigs. Thank God, I don't want any of that! Damn it! And besides that they smack you for a reward; they call you an animal and it's not true, a little kid, etc.. Oh! Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn!

Arthur Rimbaud

#24. You're probably also wondering how in the hell I can possibly be twenty-five years old when just yesterday I was four. I know, it's a tough pill to swallow. I'm not a foul-mouthed, cute little kid anymore. I'm now a foul-mouthed, cute adult.

Tara Sivec

#25. Can you stop calling me kid?" I snapped. "It may have escaped your attention, but I am not actually a child."
The left corner of his mouth crept upward. "It hasn't escaped my attention.

Elizabeth Morgan

#26. When we spend time together, I feel this peace that I don't get when you're not around. It's kind of like when you're a kid, and you put on fresh PJs after a bath and get into a made bed with clean sheets straight out of the dryer. That's what being with you feels like.

Jamie McGuire

#27. Indeed," Fowler answered. He turned and looked at Tony critically. "I say, old man, but you're not much older than that German kid."
Yeah," Tony grinned. "But I'm from Texas and meaner than a junkyard bulldog. Makes a difference, you know.

Robert L. Wise

#28. I would not let an adult drive my robot. You don't have enough gaming experience. But I will let a kid with no license take control of my vehicle system.

Robert Ballard

#29. Ohhh, OH no you didn't!" he screams. "Nobody touches the TERRY!" Then he starts punching himself in he face. This kid really is crazy! I may not even have to fight him. He's doing it for me, and I'm winning!

Brent Crawford

#30. Back in the day as a kid, I was really drawn to the Hulk because it just felt so human and was probably one of the first stories that I felt emotionally invested in and not just thought it was really cool. You really feel for that person and put yourself in that situation.

Cress Williams

#31. Mom says it's because she has PMS.
Do you even know what that means?
I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome

Nicholas Sparks

#32. I had to figure out what to make for myself as an artist. As a producer you make stuff for all kinds of different people. I was making beats for other artists but not for myself. It was kind of weird.

Kid Ink

#33. It's a petty thing, but I wouldn't join the Scouts when I was a kid, 'cause you had to swear allegiance to the queen. I'm just not a royalist. I think it's idiotic, a hereditary principle.

Elvis Costello

#34. I don't see myself as conservative, but I'm not ultra-leftist. You build a philosophy of your own. I like the libertarian view, which is to leave everyone alone. Even as a kid, I was annoyed by people who wanted to tell everyone how to live.

Clint Eastwood

#35. I like taking a path into new country, and I always take the darker path. Not because it's dark, but because there's a secret there that you can share when you get out. That's what I liked as a kid. That's how I approach my work. With a face like mine, it's lucky I have a heart that likes that.

Amanda Plummer

#36. I fought as a kid. But football is what kept me out of trouble. You could always fight, whether you're in trouble or not

Brandon Jacobs

#37. When you've been driving in the top category for 10 years, you're obviously not a kid any more. You know, I'm married now and I've got two kids. That let's you know you're getting older.

Larry Dixon

#38. I like the idea of a world, even within a big giant city, where you're not anonymous. You have an identity, and that's an identity that's known just sort of by shopkeepers. I felt that as a kid, and I loved it.

Rebecca Stead

#39. You can't know if someone's really your best friend. I think the measure of that is you could not see each other for six months and then when you see each other you laugh the same way you did when you were a little kid.

Zooey Deschanel

#40. You're not going to ask about your boyfriend?" she asked.
"Don't have one," I told her.
"Well, there's a kid who has hardly left the waiting room since you got here," she said.

John Green

#41. I guess the best advice I ever got or anyone could get for doing a talk show, though it has not been easy very often, was from Jack Paar, who said, 'Kid, don't make it an interview. Interviews have clipboards, and you're like David Frost. Make it a conversation.'

Dick Cavett

#42. Reason number twelve, you've got a mini-me out there somewhere, and I kind of want the chance to meet a little Scarlet." "You don't like kids," I point out. "True, I don't," he says. "But she's your kid, which means there's a decent chance she's not half-bad, either.

J.M. Darhower

#43. I'm not comfortable in this stadium," I explained, trying to look calm.
"I know. And you hate Fang looking at those girls. But we're still having
fun, and Fang still loves you, and you'll still save the world. Okay?

James Patterson

#44. When I was a kid I would get upset when people laughed at me when I didn't mean to be funny. I would always hear,'We're not laughing at you. We're laughing with you.' But I would say, 'I'm not laughing.

Julie Kavner

#45. Bella, I love you, kid, he said in case she could hear. Fear brushed the walls of his chest, circling inside him like a bat in a house. Then he got hold of it. He wanted to get something for her, anything, but he did not want her to feel him let go of her hand.

Thomas Harris

#46. I love my parents. But I'm almost 28 and it's not fun to be asked, 'What are you doing today? What do you want for dinner? When are you going to be home?' It just makes you feel like a kid. It's this juxtaposition of feeling annoyed and really lucky to have people who love you so much.

Jonah Hill

#47. I was quite fearless as a kid. But I've had to realize I'm not invincible. That's what breaking your back does. It makes you grow up and reassess life.

Orlando Bloom

#48. One more thing. If you ever threaten me again, make sure you're ready for a fight. I might be a kid, I might even be a trust fund brat, but lady, I'm not a coward. I'm a CPU Legacy with a very bored mother who likes to start shit. I promise you, you don't wanna mess with either

Eden Butler

#49. I was 'gay-bashed' when I was in school even though, you know, I'm not ... I'm a straight guy that just happens to be what I do. So, it's easily relatable to me. It was awful. It's a hard time in a kid's life.

Grant Gustin

#50. I don't care how smart a kid you are. The only way you learn what's not right is from experience.

Cameron Diaz

#51. I'd get this, I luuuuuuuv you, buddy! stuff, and I'd just look at him like, Who are you talking to, guy? What does that mean, your dad 'loves' you and hasn't a [bleep]ing clue who you are? What's he love then? Some kid in Happy Days. Not me.

Lionel Shriver

#52. I think you can get away with so much more offensiveness when you're operating behind a stuffed teddy bear or a cartoon or something that's not real, because it's forgiven. It's like having a little kid in a movie curse - it's funny because it's not natural.

Mila Kunis

#53. I didn't want to know that the monster that lived under your bed when you were a kid not only really is there but used to have a few beers with your dad.

Robin McKinley

#54. I was quite fat as a kid. And swimming is a sport you can enjoy whatever size you are. If you're fat, running is a pain. I'm not really built for running.

David Walliams

#55. I've had insomnia since I was a little kid and I never sleep well. Sometimes I sleep very badly and sometimes I sleep slightly badly. I get it especially when I'm on tour because you cross a lot of time zones, and I'm not very adaptable.

Moby

#56. I'm not in denial about technology, but my mother used to say when I was a kid, 'Son, you're handless,' because I couldn't fix anything. My ambition is to be a Luddite.

Stephen Rea

#57. I've worked with little kid actors before, and when they start crying or anything like that, it makes my job so easy, because you react. A little kid crying, there's not much else to do.

Liam Hemsworth

#58. You want to have two guys making out in front of your 4-year-old? It's OK with them. A guy smoking a joint, blowing the smoke into your little kid's face? OK with them. And I'm not exaggerating here. This is exactly what the secular movement stands for.

Bill O'Reilly

#59. I have to admit, Tanner can be a smart kid. You know, when he's not too busy being completely useless.
(Ryland Ascunse)

Douglas Pershing

#60. When I was a kid I feel lonely, I have not many friends. If you make a movie, then you can work with different kinds of people and make different kinds of friend. That's very important to me.

John Woo

#61. I made people laugh as a kid, but that's not how you make a living.

Bob Newhart

#62. I make decisions for my life, not the other way around. Besides, when you have a kid, you must weigh everything against time with your child.

Debra Winger

#63. As a kid I used to hold my breath longer than anybody else, and then I heard stories about people accidently underwater for 45 minutes - how do you recover from that? It's not a miracle. Something allows us to survive.

David Blaine

#64. I like everything in this iPhone, iPod world where you can do everything all the time. Back in my time, you bought a vinyl record when you were a kid and took it home, and it took a bit of effort to actually get it out of the thing and not scratch it.

Rick Astley

#65. He's the reason I have so few rules on my team. He told me not to make any rules because that way if a bad kid screws up you get rid of him. If a good kid screws up you do what you have to do and let it go at that. Rules just get you in trouble.

John Feinstein

#66. I mean there's a college kid left in everyone. I bet you, too, if you could go back you would for a night or two, so why not? My brother's still in college, my little brother, so it's always good to go back and get a little glimpse of it and to hang out with him for a weekend or two.

Rob Gronkowski

#67. Love your kid as much as you possibly can, and do what you need to do for your family because my situation and what I do for my kid may not work for you.

Drew Lachey

#68. He held his hand out, palm up, watching her with soft, penetrating eyes, deep, dark eyes that called to her the longer she stared at them. "How 'bout you give me the benefit of the doubt every once in a while, hmm? I'd like a chance to prove I'm not that stupid kid anymore.

J.M. Stewart

#69. I've loved thrillers and spy stories since I was a kid. It's probably not a bad rule of thumb to write the kinds of stories you love to read.

Barry Eisler

#70. What I'm going to do up here, kid, is tell you a story. Like all stories, it's an attempt to make sense of something larger than itself. And, like most stories, it fails, to a certain degree. It's a gloss, a rendition, so it's not exact. But it'll do.
-Silenus

Robert Jackson Bennett

#71. I didn't come from a household where my mother dragged me outside and said, "You'd better fight." My mother wouldn't let me fight. I was not an aggressive kid.

Mike Tyson

#72. The toughest part is that when your kid's upset, you're upset. You're rocked until they're not upset. Even when they're not upset, you're like, "I hope that doesn't happen, down the line." You're always nervous because you want your kid to be happy.

Adam Sandler

#73. Girls are always like, 'Oh, you're much better-looking in person than in pictures.' I'm kinda like, 'Er, thank you? I think? As in, I'm not as ugly as you thought?'

Kid Rock

#74. I took in a foster kid that I wanted to adopt in the state where I live, and I pay taxes, said to me, based on not your morality, not on how good you are as a mother, not on how much you've given to foster kids in Florida, based on the facts that you're in love with a woman, you can't keep her.

Rosie O'Donnell

#75. He isn't like us Low. You know that right."
I knew what Cage was saying. Marcus was out of my league. He didn't want me thinking there could ever be anything between me and his roommate. I was low class. Marcus was a rich kid.
"I'm not stupid Cage.

Abbi Glines

#76. I did two commercials, one for Porsche, but I was definitely not the type of child one would cast in a commercial or any TV that you'd typically go out for as a young kid. I wasn't the type of kid who would be in stuff that kids watch. I wasn't cutesy.

Kristen Stewart

#77. If you are a kid in Beverly Hills, (I am not putting down people who live in Beverly Hills) if that kid knows private school and a credit card ... you can't say the kid is taking life for granted. He is taking the life that was given to him.

Henry Rollins

#78. I love Sweden. In Sweden, the women are just so hot. Their vibe is so amazing. You feel like every girl out there was genetically altered to just be hot. I did not see one ugly woman out there, it was just a line of continuously hot girls.

Kid Cudi

#79. I feel like in America, we don't have a kid problem. You think about all these issues that these kids are dealing with, we have an adult problem. We have adults that do not place the priority on our kids to get a valuable education.

Alonzo Mourning

#80. I remember when I was a kid that the only way to see Hulk Hogan wrestle was you'd have to go to the live shows. He was never on TV. So I thought "Why not do the same thing?"

Chris Jericho

#81. It is a tragedy, is it not? The little faces on the milk-cartons
although I can't remember the last time I saw a kid on a milk-carton
and on the walls of freeway rest areas. Have you seen me? they ask. A deeply existential question at the best of times. Have you seen me?

Neil Gaiman

#82. You can be fun and sexy and still care about issues. I'm excited that people are starting to listen to what I have to say. And if they misunderstand, that's OK. I'm still the new kid on the block. With time, they'll see what I'm about. I'm not going anywhere.

Kesha

#83. I know that," the Kid says smartly. "Some people are just not meant to be together. But that doesn't mean you can't love them.

T.J. Klune

#84. Sitting down for dinner not only helps you learn, but also teaches you how to listen - which I feel is the most important skill to have. I remember as a kid going around the table listening to everyone's day. It was hard to have the manners not to interrupt back then.

Michael Symon

#85. When I was a kid I joined the circus. I did that. It is true. But it's not like you think. There was a guy, he had his own circus. His name was Carol Jacobs and he owned it. It was a small thing.

Christopher Walken

#86. I'm not entirely sure who you are. I mean, you're not really a kid anymore and you're not an adult. ... So, you're going through all these changes, and I don't know who you'll be at the end of it.

Jonathan Maberry

#87. No one gave a crap that I was the kid from 'Free Willy'. You're not in some wispy fantasyland where everyone's telling you 'yes' all the time, which happens a lot to actors.

Jason James Richter

#88. I feel like Eurovision is a parallel dimension. It reminds me of 'Dance Fever' and 'Solid Gold' when I was a kid. Then when you hear these songs sung in English by someone who may or may not understand the words, the unique awesomeness hits you.

Seamus Dever

#89. No, I'm not a jerk, Astrid. You know what I am? I'm the guy getting people killed," Sam said quietly. Then, "My head is exploding from it. I can't get my brain around it. I can't do this. I can't be that guy, Astrid, I'm a kid ...

Michael Grant

#90. Welcome, Prince,' said Aslan. 'Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?'
I - I don't think I do, Sir,' said Caspian. 'I am only a kid.'
Good,' said Aslan. 'If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof that you were not.

C.S. Lewis

#91. If it is a sin to be gay, then why did God make you that way to begin with? ... What kid of god would condemn someone for just being the way that they are? ... I do not believe for one second that God thinks we are unnatural or sinful because we love people of our same gender.

Jeff Erno

#92. Picking locks or handcuffs for me is not really a big deal, I can do it pretty much in seconds, I've been doing since I was 14 years old. I used to sit on my bed as a kid with a pick set and you know just picking locks and stuff, so I'm used to it.

Criss Angel

#93. On Receiving Straight As on My Report Card Hot damn! You're a smart kid - I don't care what people say about you! ... I'm kidding, nobody says you're not smart. They say other stuff, but not that.

Justin Halpern

#94. But honestly, it's pretty weird; there are girls who'd do absolutely everything just to get a backstage pass. I don't know what it is, but really, when you're on national TV in America the girls love you. They all want you! And I'm not complaining!

Kid Rock

#95. I try not to kid myself. You know, I don't mind romancing someone else, but to fool yourself is pretty devastating and dangerous.

Bill Veeck

#96. 'You haven't got a chance kid,' he had told him glumly.'They hate Jews.'
'But I'm not Jewish,' answered Clevinger.
'It will make no difference,' Yossarian promised, and Yossarian was right. 'They're after everybody.

Joseph Heller

#97. When I was a kid and we played baseball we used to use that "eye black" stuff sometimes - that kind of grease you put under your eyes to reduce glare or something. We only used it, of course, to look cool; it's not like we were any better prepubescent athletes for reducing glare.

Ben Lerner

#98. Being with a kid always takes you to being a kid somehow, and they really are showing me a childhood I might not have had in some way.

Philip Seymour Hoffman

#99. Nobody gets any fun out of baseball any more. I guess a kid's crazy not to be serious about it when he's drawing down $20,000 or $30,000 a year, and any smart-aleck gag you try may be your last. But what's life without a laugh?

Rabbit Maranville

#100. I was just a kid and I didn't have a dad. That's hard, because when you're a kid, you blame yourself for everything. And I blamed myself for him not being around, for my parents not being together.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers