Top 100 Humour Inspirational Quotes
#1. Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.
Alan Bennett
#2. I need new prayers, the old ones don't work anymore.
Ruchir Joshi
#3. Oh, I have just had an idea - after tea I shall attack myself with sandpaper.
Dodie Smith
#5. Women in love are pathetic
and I cannot be bothered, for now,
I am back to metaphysics
and my armpits gather hair.
Mie Hansson
#6. Laugh while you've got the chance, you won't laugh much when you are dead and buried.
W. Somerset Maugham
#7. I had this terrible nightmare; I dreamt I was a politician and they were dragging me off to parliament
Rassool Jibraeel Snyman
#8. Write - because you will explode if you don't, your brain will expand with words like a balloon filling with air ...
Sarah Colliver
#9. As simple as that, Conrad had finally done it. For the first time in his life he had the right answer. It wasn't the best decision and certainly wasn't a logical one, but it was the right one.
Victoria Forester
#10. Form is temporary; I'm permanent.
Hsk
#11. We are getting older fatter and balder. Each day brings us one step closer to death. Other than that, life's a ding-a-derry.
M. Kushner
#12. Writing is dream we must know the correct words to fulfill it.
Danish Sayanee
#13. Laughter can be a form of forgiveness - a gift, cathartic.
Briar Kit Esme
#14. The best thing to learn from any government is that it does not get affacted by what other people talk or think about it.
Amit Kalantri
#15. This is 1987. A girl can be whatever she wants to be." "I know," said Ray. "My mums a plumber.
David Bischoff
#16. All good writers are weird. Proudly weird.
Margo Rabb
#18. One blow in anger [would] kill, probably, a child from aged two to eight. Those over eight would take two blows to kill.
Patricia Highsmith
#21. A life is like a book of many chapters and topics. Which Chapter are is your life?
Elizabeth Adeniyi
#22. For some reason when I type the word "love" in my iPad it keeps autocorrecting to "live". I find it oddly profound. My ipad IS. My iPad is ZEN:
"Only the iPad that autocorrects can write the true thing.
Annastacia Dickerson
#23. I am unable to believe in a God susceptible to prayer. I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits, and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.
Quentin Crisp
#24. When you're young, you need to be careful not to bite off more than you can chew.
When you're old, you need to be careful not to bite off more than you can suck.
Peter James West
#25. Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out.
R.D. Ronald
#26. I always reminded myself that this wasn't exactly where I was meant to be, but pit stops are okay on the road of life, aren't they?
Lena Dunham
#27. The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things
Terry Pratchett
#30. Drafting is like painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
The closer you get to the end, the more you start to worry about the beginning.
Peter James West
#31. It's not that I want to work for Williams-Sonoma, per se, it's just that you guys have the money and I don't.
FAXBoy
#32. Life is the courier of the universal brilliance. Elysse
Elysse Poetis
#33. When you fall; it's not the ending; It's the next chance to perform better than the last one
Harishankar Kaushik
#34. On the way home, I saw a fist fight between an adverb and a pair of parentheses.
I kept on walking.
Peter James West
#35. I think people don't think I work, because I wear stilettos and look damn fine. But that's discrimination against stilettos and against looking damn fine! And I object to this form of discrimination!
C. JoyBell C.
#36. I don't know what exactly it is that I don't know, but I know I don't know something.
Peter James West
#37. You go to church to respect God, not the priest. By not going to church, you disrespect God, not the priest.
- Don Camillo
Giovannino Guareschi
#38. Shit happens. You can either stand their and complain about the smell or you can wipe your shoe and keep walking.
Tommy Cotton
#40. Some battles don't have a winner. Sometimes the best a good general can hope for is a ceasefire
Emma Chase
#41. I've been fighting to be who I am all my life. What's the point of being who I am, if I can't have the person who was worth all the fighting for?
Stephanie Lennox
#42. All of my favourite quotes to live by are in my book, I wrote it for a reason
Blake Joy
#43. You think writing a book is hard? Wait until you give it to someone to read.
Ken Stark
#44. YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf,
I am the smaller one on its upper side,'
said the dewdrop to the lake.
Rabindranath Tagore
#45. In the still of the night, when you are serenely falling asleep and an epiphany suddenly hits you. Roll your ass off that bed and start typing because that fleeting moment will never pass by you again...You can sleep when your dead!!!
Racheal Lachman
#46. I am the sum of my past experience.
Some people have got a lot to answer for.
Peter James West
#47. It's surprising what you can fail to achieve if you really put your mind to it.
Peter James West
#48. He discovered in his heart the first faint whispering of pure Christianity, and in some way he continued to keep his virtue intact by keeping his vices active.
Thorne Smith
#49. Writing is like a lump of coal. Put it under enough pressure and polish it enough and you might just end up with a diamond. Otherwise, you can burn it to keep warm.
A.J. Dalton
#51. You're everything I ever wished for.
I just didn't wish for much.
Peter James West
#55. There is nothing we can now call our own, for what we call so is the effect of art; crimes are made by decrees of the senate, or by the votes of the people; and as here-to-fore we are burdened by vices, so now we are oppressed by laws.
Blaise Pascal
#56. Why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary?
Alan Dapre
#57. Never worry if you're excluded from the circle, sometimes it's full of squares.
Benny Bellamacina
#58. Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.
Eoin Colfer
#59. The first step to achieving all your goals is getting out of bed. Coffee and toast are optional.
Peter James West
#60. Someone once told me that we move when it becomes less painful than staying where we are.
Anne Hines
#63. I'm so lucky to have a family, adopted or not! I'm so lucky to be alive! Judy Ellis Taylor tells her three school-age girls ... They roll their eyes.
Shireen Jeejeebhoy
#64. Be what you are, do what you want. Treat others how you want to because equality in this time is just a humour.
Andre
#65. People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.
Sachin Tendulkar
#66. If I could split myself into five people, I would still be behind on my writing schedule. I see now why James Patterson cloned himself so many times.
Peter James West
#68. All worthy work is open to interpretations the author did not intend. Art isn't your pet
it's your kid. It grows up and talks back to you.
Joss Whedon
#69. Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
Christina Scalise
#70. I ain't scared to lend a hand
I ain't scared to clench it either
Mie Hansson
#71. Never put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until next week.
Peter James West
#72. Our Euripides the human,
With his droppings of warm tears,
and his touchings of things common
Till they rose to meet the spheres.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
#73. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid I'll never get a chance to live!
A.A. Bell
#74. Telescopes and bathyscapes and sonar probes of Scottish lakes, Tacoma Narrows bridge collapse explained with abstract phase-space maps, some x-ray slides, a music score, Minard's Napoleonic war: the most exciting new frontier is charting what's already here.
Randall Munroe
#76. I've never heard a eulogy about a person where they talk about the value of wealth and how much money the've left behind. They only talk about the character ,love, integrity, humour strength etc.
So why is it so important to some that they lose sight of everything else in life ?
Lou Silluzio
#78. Failure is something you experience on your way to success - unless you're a skydiver.
Peter James West
#79. I don't like good habits. They strike me as being so easily broken.
Linnea Gelland
#81. I didn't wait for Luck. I tore after it with a truck.
A.A. Bell
#82. Innovation Big pain, no shame being same-to-same
Praveen Kumar
#83. We can't all be bakers or chefs. Many of us have modest ambitions. But we can all buy a piece of the pie.
Amah Lambert
#84. May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch
Keisha Keenleyside
#85. It's good to let your mind wonder, as long as you know where it's going
Benny Bellamacina
#87. A man who tosses worms in the river isn't 't necessarily a friend of the fish. All the fish who take him for a friend, who think the worm's got no hook in it, usually end up in the frying pan.
Malcolm X
#89. What is Gornite? Why can't you heat it? Will it make you laugh? - I hope so
Lucas Riddle
#91. If I could do it all again, I would start three hundred years ago, and write twice as fast.
Peter James West
#92. Do you know what I think about crying? I think some people have to learn to do it. But once you learn, once you know how to really cry, there's nothing quite like it. I feel sorry for those who don't know the trick. It's like whistling or singing.
Anne Rice
#93. Matter or energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. Except for money. Money is imaginary.
Kevin J.J. Carpenter
#94. If only my sunscreen was as good as my writers block!
Martin Link
#95. People look at a chair and say, "It's just a chair," but I like to think it's more than a chair. I like to seek deeper meaning in things, even inanimate things. I know this makes me sound like a complete nutcase, but (a) I swear I'm not, and (b) it's just an example.
Connor Franta
#96. People who say you can't do something should be ignored. They're probably talking to themselves.
Eliza Green
#97. It's hard to sleep when you have thirty two million quids worth of stolen jewellery hidden under the mattress.
Peter Houston
#98. Consider the simple hedgehog, and his neighbor, the opossum ... do they waste their energy trying to throw one another into chasms when they face a common enemy, the winter? No!
Ransom Riggs
#99. I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Anne Frank
#100. If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and hide behind a bush.
Peter James West
