Humorous Science Quotes

#1. With medical science improving at roughly the same rate as our environmental situation worsens, the most likely scenario is that the world will become uninhabitable at the precise moment the human race becomes immortal.

Steve Toltz

#2. I know that not all my readers like my digressions, but the research that has been done on Caenorhabditis elegans is such a ringing triumph of science that you aren't going to stop me.

Richard Dawkins

#3. Are you in any pain? (Ariana Skyee)
Only my heart. (Cal Remus)

Siobhan Davis

#4. A scientist does not have hope, sir. Hope is what a man has in the absence of answers, and once he does empirical experimentation, he replaces hope with knowledge and disappointment.

Michelle Franklin

#5. Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.

Scott B. Pruden

#6. I engage in subtle stalking. That's entirely different and perfectly socially acceptable.

Siobhan Davis

#7. Stupid entropy ruins everything.

Jennifer Ouellette

#8. Just tell him to keep his hands to himself and his python in his pants.

Evangeline Anderson

#9. You can't be too careful about work. It's the most dangerous habit known to medical science.

Eugene O'Neill

#10. Vegans are always wrong, but damn pleased with themselves

Rasmussen

#11. F***ing triffids.

Scott B. Pruden

#12. On a cooler sun on a primordial earth:
I later learned that biologists, when they are feeling jocose, refer to this as the 'Chinese Resaturant Problem'
because we has a dim sun.

Bill Bryson

#13. In the world of human thought generally, and in physical science particularly, the most important and fruitful concepts are those to which it is impossible to attach a well-defined meaning.

Hans Kramers

#14. Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter.

Gail Carriger

#15. He is the biggest asshole on the planet," Jarod says. "And in a planet that's currently drowning in assholes, that's saying a lot.

Siobhan Davis

#16. The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you.

Scott B. Pruden

#17. Veil wouldn't make his military invincible, but it would render every other military indefensible. Veil was it. Game over, fuckholes.

Aaron Overfield

#18. A layer of fine powder coats his skin.
"My lungs are turning to concrete," Rob wheezes, hacking and spitting.
"So are my eyes. How do I always get roped into these things?" Avery coughs and pats Rob's back in sympathy. A poof of dust billows from the contact.

Laura Kreitzer

#19. Superfast beings shouldn't piss off the comics geek-girl.

Gini Koch

#20. What happens," called out Max, "if you win?"
"We die anyway, but I become legend" I explained

Philip Palmer

#21. The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

Douglas Adams

#22. So here's my theory, and this is such crap science, I don't have to tell you. It's science without microscopes, blood tests, or reality.

Maggie Stiefvater

#23. Space: the gaping hole between land and other land.

SE Zbasnik

#24. Halt! We are attempting an arrest!"

"Yeah, we're aware," Quinn muttered under her breath.

Ash Gray