Humor Nurse Quotes

#1. I said that additionally, since I was planning to nurse, it be best if you were off the breast before I came back to work.
My boss just looked at me dreamily and said, 'That won't be for sixty years, at least.

Suzanne Finnamore

#2. Nick spoke for the first time. "Can I go to the nurse's office too?"
Ms. Popplewell looked at him It obviously took her only one look to decide. "No."
"I'm traumatized too," Nick claimed, his voice completely flat.
"He's a delicate flower," Alan said under his breath.

Sarah Rees Brennan

#3. Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

Henny Youngman

#4. There was a rare quality about Nurse Grace's smile. It was the knowledge that sooner or later her smile would inspire some witty observer to say something around the lines of, "Every time you do this, an angel farts".

Sorin Suciu

#5. Do you have a little white dress? I've had this deep-seated nurse fantasy about you, Murphy.

Jim Butcher

#6. What have you done to your hair?" Mom's broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospital
room.
"Holy shit!" Icka patted her head as if searching. "You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady.

Phoebe Kitanidis

#7. There is no real bravery in getting paid to save someone's life. However, there is a large amount of bravery in a nurse break dancing at the hospital's Christmas party.

Shannon L. Alder

#8. But my head is splitting in two!"
"It's doing a remarkably neat job since I can't see so much as a seam.

Anne Elisabeth Stengl

#9. Good. While you're playing nurse to Cole, tell us another story about Jack. We need to get your tether back.
...
'What should I talk about?'
Cole looked at me with a suddenly hopeful face.
' Was there ever a time when he didn't resemble a white knight? That would be great about now

Brodi Ashton

#10. It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.

Jon Stewart

#11. Shall we take these candles with us and sit for a while on the piazza, or do you want to go to bed and nurse that tooth?"

Nurse that tooth.

Vladimir Nabokov

#12. I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable.

Kris D'Agostino

#13. My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.

Cassandra Clare

#14. Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.

Joseph Heller

#15. I joked with the anesthesiologist for a while, and then a nurse handed me a baby.

Matthew Amster-Burton

#16. I almost died. Fortunately, my mother was a nurse. She gave me a shot of something, and things turned out brilliantly.
Lucky me, I thought. Why couldn't his mother have been a telephone operator?

Tiffanie DeBartolo

#17. I sank into the chair and checked to see if the charge nurse could see me - not if I didn't lean out too far. The night was looking up! Two patients who ought to sleep all night long, and an Internet connection. How lucky was I? Pretty damn lucky, at least until someone needed a diaper change.

Cassie Alexander