Top 83 Great Humour Quotes
#1. Genuinely great humour recognises the world it's describing and yet we are also called into question by it. That's what great art should do. That's what great philosophy should do. The one thing about humour is that this is an everyday practice that does this.
Simon Critchley
#4. Child, if such folks awe you, then picture them on the lavatory, straining, constipated. They will at once seem small, pathetic, manageable." And she whispered to me a great, universal truth: "THE BOWELS ARE GREAT LEVELLERS.
Angela Carter
#5. But the sounds behind me tell me why. I risk a glance and see so many Zs on our asses that I wonder if they've been doing pilates all this time to get in shape for the great Whispering Pines mad-dash marathon.
Jake Bible
#6. There are a great many aspects to feline life, but the three most important - the Holy Trinity, if you will - are eating, sleeping and washing.
Jem Vanston
#7. Books are pleasant, but if by being over-studious we impair our health and spoil our good humour, two of the best things we have, let us give it over. I, for my part, am one of those who think no fruit derived from them can recompense so great a loss.
Michel De Montaigne
#8. Sure it is, Bella, sure it is. If everything is so great, then you are you sweating bullets?
Stephenie Meyer
#9. Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.
Bertrand Russell
#10. Now the point of comedy is not just looking funny, it's use of language. We have at our disposal a great language ... and the imaginative, creative use of that language can be at the service of humour.
Barry Humphries
#11. This is an essential element of the business of being a man: to flood everyone around you in a great radiant arc of bullshit,
Michael Chabon
#12. Australian people are dope. They're so fun. They want to just have a good time, and they have a great sense of humour.
Erin Heatherton
#13. I love Sherlock Holmes. I've got all his books, leather-bound. What I thought was great about Sherlock Holmes was that not only was he a supersleuth, he was also a hard worker. Not only did he go out and solve the crimes, he came home and wrote it all down. Fantastic. That's why I admire him.
Steve Coogan
#14. The great are eternally at the mercy of tiny men. And also, tiny madwomen.
Salman Rushdie
#15. Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ...
E.A. Bucchianeri
#16. Great book stands the test of time unlike my good self ...
Douglas Adams
#17. I think you need humour and a sense of fun, which is what I try to bring to my books to leaven the danger and action. The ones that really transcend the genre always have a great laugh in them, such as 'Fright Night,' 'Lost Boys,' 'American Werewolf in London' - just to name a few.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#18. Geoffrey looked startled to see both his great-uncles bearing down upon him with such haste; he hadn't realized men their age could move so fast.
Sharon Kay Penman
#19. Nothing great is ever accomplished by following standards.
Geoffroy Birtz
#20. When life throws shit at you, grow great, big, fuck off roses.
Heather Hill
#21. Only the great warriors fall down from their horses; one would not fall who rides a donkey cart.
Waheed Ibne Musa
#22. No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain.
Ivan Stoikov
#23. Say, 'Thank you, Phin.' "
"Oh, please."
"Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. "
"I don't think so."
"Say, 'You are a great lover, Phin.' "
"I'm out of here.
Jennifer Crusie
#24. With great power comes a great need to take a nap.
Rick Riordan
#25. Oh, that's great. That way, when things have quieted down, and we come up for air, or money, or re-supply, we'll get a nice explosive package from him that says "so nice to see you again" in a way that only multi-megaton yields can.
Howard Tayler
#26. 101 Reason why its its great to be a woman : Since the advent of feminism, we can publicly ogle male bodies and not be called sexist. If a man indulges in this behavior over a picture of naked woman, he is a sexist pig, and recompense must be demanded for this slight on womankind.
Summersdale Publishers
#27. There is a tale of a man who found on the road a large stone bearing the words, "Under me lies a great truth." The man strained to turn the stone over and finally succeeded. On the bottom was written, "Why do you want a new truth when you do not practice what you already know?
Eknath Easwaran
#28. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Dave Barry
#29. Enough of that, you damned conspirators, you will have us hanged a great deal sooner than we will.
Naomi Novik
#30. To speak of them out loud, to speak of their hunger and pain and loneliness and humour, to make them visible so that can not be ravaged in the dark without great consequence.
Eve Ensler
#31. I was worried people would laugh at me when I started to talk the language, but they were just pleasantly surprised that I could. The sense of humour here is great - once I could have a giggle, I settled down.
Parminder Nagra
#32. So, great. This is Camp ... what do you call it? Camp Fish-Blood?"
Aphros frowned. "I hope that was a joke. This is Camp ." He made a sound that was a series of sonar pings and hisses.
Rick Riordan
#33. No politician would ever comment on a cartoon unless it was to show what a great sense of humour they have, that they can laugh at themselves.
Chris Riddell
#34. Great songs don't grow on trees, yet lots of songs have been written on great trees
Benny Bellamacina
#35. I've found a great hiding place for all my money, down the drain
Benny Bellamacina
#36. Cultivate your sense of humour. On life's journey from nappy rash to denture adhesive, humour is a great pain reliever.
James Simpson
#37. He led them around the base of a great fallen tree whose exposed roots resembled more than anything else a huge broom - a broom that would have fired the imagination of Rachel the Dragon toward heroic, legendary feats of sweeping.
Tad Williams
#38. To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but that an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
#39. I really admire medical people. They have a great sense of humour, and they just have to get on with it.
Neve McIntosh
#40. No plaque reminds the passer-by of these glories, although there should be one; for those who invent biscuits bring great pleasure to many.
Alexander McCall Smith
#41. It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something.
Catherine Gilbert Murdock
#42. You're sure?' I asked. 'I mean, the Lord of the Sword is great. But you could also be, I don't know, the Slammer of the Hammer'.
Rick Riordan
#43. I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jackie Mason
#45. My dad, Jack, had a great sense of humour and had a strong impact on me and my humour.
Billy Crystal
#46. The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.
Douglas Adams
#47. Great Gates almighty," HARV said inside my brain. "I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.
John Zakour
#48. People have many cruel expectations from writers. People expect novelists to live on a hill with three kids and a spouse, people expect children's story writers to never have sex, and people expect all great poets to be dead. And these are all very difficult expectations to fulfill, I think.
C. JoyBell C.
#49. If anyone else asked that question, O He Who Is Terrible and Great, I would have said they were an ignorant fool; in you it is a sign of the disarming simplicity which is the fount of all virtue.
Jonathan Stroud
#50. There are times, Kruppe murmurs, when celibacy born of sad deprivation becomes a boon, nay, a source of great relief.
Steven Erikson
#51. If you can make it down to the pub, the pub will make it up to you.
Benny Bellamacina
#52. Human relations, at least between the sexes, were carried on as relations between countries are now - with ambassadors, and treaties. The parties concerned met on the great occasion of the proposal. If this were refused, a state of war was declared.
Virginia Woolf
#53. But china is seldom thrown from a great height; it is one of the rarest of human actions. You have to find in conjunction a very high house, and a woman of such reckless impulse and passionate prejudice that she flings her jar or pot straight from the window without thought of who is below.
Virginia Woolf
#54. A careful and sympathetic sense of humour can also be a great asset when there is need to get out of difficult situations gracefully.
John Allen Fraser
#55. Some people have great ideas maybe once or twice in their life, and then they discover electricity or fire or outer space or something. I mean, the kind of brilliant ideas that change the whole world.
Some people never have them at all ... I get them two or three times a week.
Neil Gaiman
#56. What I see as specially English is the charm - everyone is so polite. Being restrained is part of the charm. And I love the sense of humour - it takes me back to Australia. The English are great at making fun of themselves. They're so self-effacing.
Danielle De Niese
#58. Being sick is itself a kind of ressentiment. - Against this the invalid has only one great means of cure - I call it Russian fatalism, that fatalism without rebellion with which a Russian soldier for whom the campaign has become too much at last lies down in the snow.
Friedrich Nietzsche
#59. You look great, he said. Oh, get fucked, she said, grinning.
Tim Winton
#60. He has achieved what Nietzsche liked to call 'The Great Health' - rare humour, valour, and resilience of spirit: despite being, or because he is, afflicted with Tourette's.
Oliver Sacks
#61. I recall when this place was a good 'n honest community hall with a great sense of place and pride but now it's just a hall and fuck the community.
Jonathan Dunne
#62. That's great, Grace, but in case you've forgotten, we're supposed to kill vampires, not play nice and have lunch with them. - Archer
K.A. Last
#63. Henry Kissinger is possessed of a truly superior intelligence, in addition to which he has two qualities which, unfortunately, many great men lack: he is able to listen and he has a very subtle sense of humour.
Mohammed Reza Pahlavi
#64. All I've ever tried to do is get the best out of people and to bring a bit of humour into it. Unlike, say, 'The X-Factor,' which may be great TV, but has no humour at all.
Andrew Lloyd Webber
#65. My father lived life to the fullest, even though it was cut short at a young age in 1962. He was known for his intelligence, wit, wisdom, a wonderful sense of humour, a great personality, and a genuine goodwill towards all.
Ajay Mehta
#66. Kids have a great sense of humour. If you don't, you're going to miss out.
Tamsin Greig
#67. Well, you've taken a weight off my mind."
"A mind, I should imagine, scarcely constructed to bear great
weights.
P.G. Wodehouse
#68. Humour is a great vehicle for getting a message across. If you get too serious, you could die of starch.
Cyndi Lauper
#69. All the best pubs are built on a hill, so you can slope in and roll out.
Benny Bellamacina
#70. While the eyes of the world will be on us let's show everyone that we have a great sense of humour.
Yahoo Serious
#71. My sword reappeared in my pocket.
yeah,great timing.now i could attack the walls all i wanted.my cell had no bar,no window,not even a door
Rick Riordan
#72. I like mountains, always have done. Big obstinate bits of rock sticking up where they're not wanted and getting in folk's way. Great. Climbing them is a different matter altogether though. I hate that.
Mark Lawrence
#73. Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems - as they are both a man and a great big pussy.
Frankie Boyle
#74. Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.
Doug MacLeod
#75. Great big bugger,' said Aziraphale. 'Sleepeth beneath the thunders of the upper deep. Under loads of huge and unnumbered polypol - polipo - bloody great seaweeds, you know. Supposed to rise to the surface right at the end, when the sea boils.
Terry Pratchett
#76. I like men with quick wit, good conversation and a great sense of humour. I love banter. I want a man to like me for me - I want him to be authentic.
Emma Watson
#77. We've had a day of great drama and of humour too. The rumour mill is now taking over
Andy Burnham
#78. People should think that being a writer is cool. Even if you're just a starving writer. Besides, most great writers were starving at one point or another. It comes with the title.
Zack Love
#79. I think the French have a romantic cliche that Englishmen have great style, great music, irony and sense of humour. Well, sometimes cliches are true.
Josephine De La Baume
#80. Not that my regularly scheduled life was so great, but it beat getting judged unworthy by twelve bearded guys named Erik.
Rick Riordan
#81. Australians have a fantastic sense of humour and incredible taste. I was there for 'Bend It Like Beckham,' and I had a great time. Aussies loved it, and I think 'Bride & Prejudice' is going to do well, too, because it's all about having a good time.
Gurinder Chadha
#82. I use humour a lot because humour is a great equaliser. Everyone laughs at the same things if you set them up properly, and that makes everybody equal. At the end of the day, I see my job as being there to entertain as well as inform and provoke.
Gurinder Chadha
#83. I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented.
Edmund Gosse
