Top 41 Good Letterman Quotes
#1. Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America. When Rick Perry heard that, he said, 'Well that's nothing. I like to execute people.'
David Letterman
#2. I have very little patience with children.
Mem Fox
#3. As I said, the good die young, and the motherfuckers go on forever, pardon my French.
Stephen Hunter
#4. You like science? You enjoy science? Always use it for good, never for evil. Can you promise me that?
David Letterman
#5. I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.
David Letterman
#6. Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if you were an intern.
David Letterman
#8. If you do your job right, no one realizes you did your job, and that's a good thing. You strive for that.
Rob Letterman
#9. There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.
David Letterman
#10. When some of the gangs got involved with the drug trade, particularlythe crack cocaine trade, and the lethal violence started to flare up in the '80s, then there was a great deal of public attention on gangs and a great deal of concern about what was going on in these social groups.
Meda Chesney-Lind
#11. We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.
David Letterman
#12. Things seem more when you're little. They seem bigger, and distances seem farther.
Lois Lowry
#13. To label Jason Randal a magician does a disservice. You'll think the laws of physics, nature, the universe itself have been suspended. He's as good as Houdini was at his best!
David Letterman
#14. Some good news. Finally, President Bush is going to do something about global warming. He became alarmed when another chunk of ice fell off his mother.
David Letterman
#15. Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
David Letterman
#16. The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous.
Sex And The City Episode Guide Team
#17. My good friend Paul Shaffer and I are going to continue in show business. Next month Paul and I will debut our new act at Caesar's Palace with our white tigers.
David Letterman
#18. I got some good news earlier today before the show. Thanks to Alex Rodriguez, I am no longer the most overpaid disappointment in New York City.
David Letterman
#19. The best visual effects are when you shoot as much of what you can in camera. And it's really good for the actor's performance to have something real.
Rob Letterman
#20. You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea
a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed.
David Letterman
#21. If the movie is terrible, then the 3D sucks. If the movie is fantastic, then the 3D is good.
Rob Letterman
#22. The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.
P. J. O'Rourke
#23. Justice will not come to Athens until those who are not injured are as indignant as those who are injured.
Thucydides
#24. Good luck finding a place to park in New York City. And when you do, good luck figuring out the parking signs, restrictions, and prohibitions. It is so complicated. It has gotten so bad, I never park my car without a lawyer.
David Letterman
#25. If I was harsh with you, it was because I cannot bear to see you treat yourself as if you are worth nothing. Whatever part you might act to the contrary, I see you as you really are, my blood brother. Not just better than you pretend to be, but better than most people could hope to be.
Cassandra Clare
#26. Mitt Romney is not going to run for president. Mitt said it's time for fresh faces. So that's good news for Bruce Jenner.
David Letterman
#27. Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?
David Letterman
#28. Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.
David Letterman
#31. Life is wonder, endless, ceaseless wonder. If your energy level is low, then everything is gray, two-dimensional, boring, frustrating, and unhappy.
Frederick Lenz
#32. But have you ever heard a story in which the evil person triumphs at the end?"
The boy thought for a while before replying.
"No," he said, "but before they lose, they harm the good people. That is what I am afraid of.
Nadeem Aslam
#33. I feel good about being able to take bluegrass on to television like 'Letterman' and 'The View,' and I've heard nice things about being able to do that. I really haven't felt any negativity toward me or my music.
Steve Martin
#34. I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.
David Letterman
#35. Prayer moves the arm Which moves the world, And brings salvation down.
James Montgomery
#36. Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'
David Letterman
#38. The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.
David Letterman
#39. I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.
David Letterman
#40. They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat!
David Letterman
#41. Here's what we know about Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. I think he's with the NSA.
David Letterman
