Funny Stomach Quotes

#1. R.F. JACKABY
INVESTIGATIVE SERVICES
ASSISTANT WANTED
-$8 PER WEEK-
Must be literate and possess a keen intellect and open mind.
Strong stomach preferred.
Inquire at 926 Augur Lane.
Do not stare at the frog.

William Ritter

#2. If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole.

Jussi Adler-Olsen

#3. There was a profound silence, abruptly broken by an enormously loud rumble from George's stomach. Plaster didn't actually fall from the ceiling, but it was close.

Jonathan Stroud

#4. The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach.

Mark Hart

#5. To try to write better than you do now is to risk rejection and failure. But not to risk those things in an insult to yourself, to other writers, and to your readers.

LouAnne Johnson

#6. She'd had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And douche.

Larissa Ione

#7. When life gives you lemons, make chocolate chip cookies and make the whole world wonder what you've been up to.

Carolyn Brown

#8. I'm pretty sure my stomach has a sliver in it from rubbing up against my backbone, so back off, bitch.

H.J. Bellus

#9. We learn and grow and are transformed not so much by what we do but by why and how we do it.

Sharon Salzberg

#10. Where do you find a stomach on a Thursday afternoon in Reno? "Chinatown?" suggests someone. "Costco?" "Butcher Boys." Tracy pulls his phone from a pocket. "Hello, I'm from the university" - the catchall preamble for unorthodox inquiries.

Mary Roach

#11. Smashed fly or the dead pig, gone stiff in the sun. It made his stomach feel funny even trying. "I don't think it's fair we've got to do Luke's chores now," Luke's other brother,

Margaret Peterson Haddix

#12. After four years at the United Nations I sometimes yearn for the peace and tranquility of a political convention.

Adlai E. Stevenson

#13. Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.

Janet Evanovich

#14. Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?'
'No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns.

J.K. Rowling

#15. I feel there's a funny little hole in me that wasn't there before, like a splinter in your finger, but this is somewhere above my stomach.

Louise Fitzhugh

#16. It doesn't seem fair," he murmured, once again smoothing out her messy bed head. "You get all the morning sickness, the kicks in the ribs and the bloated stomach and swollen ankles, and I get nine months of sex without condoms.

Linda Kage

#17. Sometimes when Sam's pretending to be in love with me, my stomach does funny things."
"Well, get some milk of magnesia and stop it.

Libba Bray

#18. I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this.
My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#19. When he is dissected after his death," a disrespectful interpreter said of a foreign dignitary, "a million predicates will be found in his stomach: those he swallowed in the past decades without saying them.

Kato Lomb

#20. Hold your head up high gorgeous, people would kill to see you fall.

Unknown

#21. Out of all the paranormal books I'd read and reviewed, no one glowed like this. Some glittered in the light. Others had wings. No one was a freaking giant sun.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#22. The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor's cat shot right out.

Scott Wood

#23. They call me Domino for obvious reasons. One nudge in the right direction and I'm flat on my stomach.

Charlie Cochrane

#24. Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Mark Twain

#25. Oh, and Knievel stared you down, and you gave in so quick." Jed laughed lowly, rubbing his hand over Redford's stomach. "You're now my cat's bitch.

Robin Saxon

#26. The men
the undergraduates of Yale and Princeton are cleaner, healthier, better-looking, better dressed, wealthier and more attractive than any undergraduate body in the country.

F Scott Fitzgerald

#27. I have a weak stomach. My wife is a doctor, so she finds it funny that I actually pass out when I get my blood drawn. I physically can't stand gore on screen. I can't stand blood and guts. Not for any puritanical/moral high-ground reason. I just don't want to black out.

Christopher Denham

#28. It wasn't like there was a dating and mating website for bear shifters. If there had been, its mascot would have been that yellow Care Bear with the heart on its stomach.

Lila Felix

#29. She was learning something important: how to live within the sound of her own slow breathing, how to love the view when her eyes were shut.

Gwendoline Riley

#30. You couldn't set out to be a good witch or a bad witch. It never worked for long. All you could try to be was a witch, as hard as you could.

Terry Pratchett

#31. Somehow suppressing her wolf, who was eager to slice open Marley's stomach, Jaime simply gave her an unpleasant smile. You know, I watched an old episode of Friends yesterday. It was so damn funny it could have made your boobs fall off ... Oh, you saw it.

Suzanne Wright