Funny Remote Control Quotes

#1. I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

Steven Wright

#2. A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other hand, would be willing to have sex with the remote for the TV.

Conan O'Brien

#3. Venice seemed incredibly lovely, elvishly lovely
to me like a dream of Old Gondor, or Pelargir of the Numenorean Ships, before the return of the Shadow.

J.R.R. Tolkien

#4. My point is, when someone is hurting you, they can call it whatever the hell they want. They can even call it love. But words lie, actions don't.

Lisa Kleypas

#5. You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."

Jim Gaffigan

#6. I will never win an Oscar, and do you know why? First of all, because I'm not Jewish. Secondly, I make too much money for all those old farts in the Academy.

Clint Eastwood

#7. 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show' was the best television, the best cast, the best-written television show ever.

Bob Newhart

#8. AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."

Jay Leno

#9. Boss may be one, but leader can be anyone!

Ameya Agrawal

#10. In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

Frank Yankovic

#11. Friendship, compounded of esteem and love, derives from one its tenderness and its permanence from the other.

Samuel Johnson

#12. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?

Steven Wright

#13. Why should conversation always be so much more coherent than experience?

Amy Leach