Funny Out Of Control Quotes

#1. It's funny
sometimes the strongest individuals feel the worst when events are out of their control, and they can't really be there for the people they love. I've felt it myself.

Chris Kyle

#2. Her philosophy was, if it had a pulse, it could be killed. I didn't really have a philosophy, but I could see how talking with the school director would be difficult for her. If he said something she didn't like, chopping him to tiny pieces wouldn't exactly help me get into the school.

Ilona Andrews

#3. You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great.

Jamie Foxx

#4. In theory, especially in the case of Stone, those who have human hearts would remain cognizant of their behavior and in control of themselves. Those who are Katagaria ...

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#5. I've done a bit of Latin in my time ... but I can control it.

Eddie Izzard

#6. You think it's funny?" Shay said with annoyance.
"Yes." Her friend paused to get her laughter under control. "I'm sorry. It's just that you're the last person in the world I'd ever imagine marrying again after ol' Mr. Flaccid Flagpole.

Lindsey Brookes

#7. I was a poster child ... for birth control!

Rodney Dangerfield

#8. Because that's the truth about people with obsessively organised plans: we're not trying to control everything in our lives. We're trying to block everything we can't.

Holly Smale

#9. It's funny, in a human kind of way, how we can convince ourselves that we're in control at the very moment we are beginning to lose it.

William Moyers

#10. I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.

Ted Alexandro

#11. People are often surprised that I am so upbeat. I'm always hearing, 'You're so light and funny, and your books are so dark and twisted.' There's a dichotomy. I like books that are dark and creepy. I don't control it - it's just what I gravitate toward.

John Searles

#12. I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards.

Noel Fielding

#13. The small amount of people that control the discourse around painting - I thought that the whole museum world was just a bunch of phonies, and I didn't really want to have anything to do with it. I guess I did installations, in a funny way, because they couldn't be commodified.

Fred Tomaselli

#14. AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."

Jay Leno

#15. Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song!
When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn't think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly.

M.C. Lavocat

#16. There are things we cannot control about ourselves. One of these things is the degree to which we find something to be funny. It

Chuck Klosterman

#17. Letter from Griffith-- "I know it is difficult, but do work harder to control yourself. Mother was beside herself with worry when she found you rolling on the floor laughing over a book you were reading."
The memory brought a curve to Miranda's lips. It had been a very funny book.

Kristi Ann Hunter

#18. I'm sure everyone's got their back story. I don't come from a place of where I was tortured and needed to let something out. I came from a very happy home. I was a little out of control at times. But my family ... we all liked to be funny, we all liked to make each other laugh.

Adam Sandler

#19. You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, AND HE ARRIVES WITH A SANDWICH! ... And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land"

Dylan Moran

#20. Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow.

Tobias Wolff

#21. A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other hand, would be willing to have sex with the remote for the TV.

Conan O'Brien

#22. Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

Adam Carolla

#23. I don't control the line of 'funny,' 'funny,' 'funny,' 'not funny.'

Tracy Morgan

#24. I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.

Chic Murray

#25. It's funny how aimless a person can feel at times, even when they know God is in control.

Chris Fabry

#26. I think it's so funny when people think they can't control a movie star. They can. We're just women, you know.

Esther Williams

#27. I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.

Maria Shriver

#28. I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

Steven Wright

#29. As your abilities begin to grow, your angelic side will start to manifest itself in more noticeable ways."
"My angelic side. Great. Like I don't have enough to deal with."
"It's not so bad," Mom says. "You'll learn to control it."
"I'll learn to control my hair?

Cynthia Hand

#30. Excuse me, your attention please."
He waited until the whole floor had stopped what it was doing and turned to face him. For a split second his impulse control kicked in, but by then his mouth was fully engaged.
"For the record, Claire Marsden and I are not having sex.

Sarah Mayberry

#31. I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.

Mitch Hedberg

#32. Back in my State, I'm very close to being able to control the weather. I'll be all-powerful, once I've figured that out.

Brandon Sanderson

#33. You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."

Jim Gaffigan

#34. Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone.

Heather Chapple

#35. It's funny when you write a song - it's easy for me now - but there's almost a second stage where you take control of the song. You start writing it, and if you're not careful, it just finishes itself and it might not be what you wanted. It's very strange, it takes over itself. It has its own life.

Kate Bush

#36. It's funny, our beauty standard has become harder and tougher because we live in a tough age. I don't think anyone wants to walk down the street and feel vulnerable. You want to walk down the street and feel like you're in control.

Tom Ford