Funny No Credit Quotes

#1. I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.

Ron White

#2. Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like, so obsolete.

Whitney Cummings

#3. God always has another custard pie up his sleeve.

Lynn Redgrave

#4. The only way to enjoy golf is to be a masochist. Go out and beat yourself to death.

Howard Keel

#5. I'll have those niggers voting Democrat for the next 200 years.

Lyndon B. Johnson

#6. No one shall be forgotten who was great in this world; but everyone was great in his own way, and everyone in proportion to the greatness of what he loved.

Soren Kierkegaard

#7. By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.

Woody Allen

#8. What did you think of him?" Cade asked.
"Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy's more full of shit than a duck pond.

Christopher Farnsworth

#9. All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy's credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn't be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty.

Hannah Harrington

#10. I have an older sister named Haley and she wanted to be an actress. So I wanted to be an actress. It's really funny the way that some people don't give kids enough credit for like really being driven, and really wanting to do things so badly.

Hilary Duff

#11. After every movie, you get offered the role that you just did in the last movie.

Noah Emmerich

#12. Vampires have credit cards?"
"We're undead, not Amish.

Jennifer Colgan

#13. There is nothing like instances to grow hair on a bald-headed argument.

Mark Twain

#14. Pray tell, she said, although her voice told him not to.
He ignored her tone, let out a thoughtful cloud of smoke, and said, ...

Laurie R. King

#15. Such power as I possess for working in the political field has derived from my experiments in the spiritual field.

Huston Smith

#16. Orgasms are a myth. Like good credit scores.

Kelly Moran

#17. I like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but only the last four numbers. Aha! I'm really good at guessing twelve numbers. I can't guess 16 numbers, so thanks for the assistance!

Mitch Hedberg

#18. Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.

Rich Vos

#19. The darkness was memory.

Jodi Meadows

#20. Redundant comments are just places to collect lies and misinformation.

Robert C. Martin

#21. I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

Roseanne Barr

#22. It's a different story because guess what, the kid is only 28 years old, 28. He's not his dad, not his grandpa. He's 28 years old.

Dennis Rodman

#23. Honour forbid! at whose unrivall'd shrine 105 Ease, pleasure, virtue, all our sex resign. Methinks already I your tears survey, Already hear the horrid things they say, Already see you a degraded toast, And all your honour in a whisper lost! 110 How shall I, then, your helpless fame

Alexander Pope

#24. If this prinicpal thinks blogging isn't educational, he needs his head examined: he should be seeking out every student blogger in the school and giving them special time to blog more - and giving them extra credit besides.

Cory Doctorow