Funny Neighbor Quotes

#1. When I came out to Hollywood in 1985, I thought that I would be sitcom star. I'm a tall, skinny, goofy guy. I thought that I would make a great funny neighbor, or wacky office mate, in a sitcom.

Doug Jones

#2. If only we could see in advance all the harm that can come from the good we think we are doing.

Luigi Pirandello

#3. My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."

Morey Amsterdam

#4. It's not what you take but what you leave behind that defines greatness.

Edward Gardner

#5. Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.

Johnny Carson

#6. The first step in freeing men from external chains was to emancipate them from the internal chains of false beliefs and ideals. To free one's mind of chains is to free it of the care of what is acceptable or viewed so by society, this is when true freedom is discovered.

John Dewey

#7. is waiting, the audience is secretly aware that

Paul Joseph Gulino

#8. At the beginning of 'Will and Grace', I played Jack as the funny next-door-neighbor type, as we've seen in the past. And I thought that was my role.

Sean Hayes

#9. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Navjot Singh Sidhu

#10. The door opens and my new neighbor is a vampire. He's nearly a foot taller than me. Unruly ink-black hair, and a face made of knife angles. If I were obnoxious, I might use the term shockingly attractive . Or terrifyingly handsome . Holy mother of balls would also be an option.

Eva Morgan

#11. Anyone who thinks it's funny to name their network "Tom'sHugeEtc" is going to think it's funny that one of his neighbors is also named Tom and is embarrassed by it.

Mallory Ortberg

#12. The door that closed kept us from entering a room, but what now lies before us is the rest of reality.

Parker J. Palmer

#13. I'm a movie nerd, and when I'm really looking forward to something coming out, the less I know, the better.

Elden Henson

#14. A friend is a person who goes around saying nice things about you behind your back.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

#15. I'm mourning with the rest of the world for the talented, gorgeous, funny, intelligent John Forsythe but my heart is broken for the loss of my dear, dear friend and neighbor. I will miss him terribly.

Cheryl Ladd

#16. The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor's cat shot right out.

Scott Wood

#17. Let one who seeks not stop seeking until that person finds.

T. Scott McLeod

#18. I don't even know. I'm just so sick of straight people who can't get their shit together.

Becky Albertalli

#19. [On husband Phil Donahue:] The man does not know the meaning of the word tidy. He asked me one day, 'Where are my shoes?' So I asked him, 'Where are my shoes?' I don't know what it is about men. They think that women have radar attached to our uteruses.

Marlo Thomas

#20. Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.

Lois Greiman

#21. Spare when young, and spend when old.

Benjamin Franklin

#22. Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.

Jim Gaffigan

#23. His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.

Henny Youngman