Funny Homeless Sayings

#1. I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

Rodney Dangerfield

#2. I often pay homeless people to come round and clean my car.

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

#3. I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'

Jimmy Carr

#4. Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it."

Bill Maher

#5. I'm homeless, in a funny way. My culture I think is completely rooted in German 19th century music I suppose.

Hans Zimmer

#6. Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase."
I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk.
"They're for you."
"You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?

Holly Black

#7. What I like about cities is that everything is king size, the beauty and the ugliness.

Joseph Brodsky

#8. In most of the stuff that I've done over the years as a sideman, I wasn't really a session musician, because to me, a session musician is a guy who makes his living in the studio, and I never really did that.

David Sanborn

#9. It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.

Lady Victoria Hervey

#10. Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.

Habeeb Akande

#11. Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

Bo Burnham

#12. I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze?

Daniel Tosh

#13. For many of us, Christmas lunch is the most special meal of the year - and I certainly want nothing but the very best for this celebration.

Sheherazade Goldsmith

#14. There are certain things which are lost by being kept and saved by being used. Any individual talent is like that. If it is used, it will develop into something still greater. If someone refuses to use it, in the end that talent will be lost. Supremely so, life is like that.

William Barclay

#15. If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless for that long. A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

Chris Rock

#16. No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea ... you never get that tea.

Jimmy Carr

#17. If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Bo Burnham

#18. I know what party you're talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you're going to be there in a costume." He winked and leaned back in his seat.
"I'm going as a homeless person."
"Sexy.

Chanelle Gray

#19. The voices blend and fuse in clouded silence: silence that is infinite of space: and swiftly, silently the sound is wafted over regions of cycles of cycles of generations that have lived.

James Joyce

#20. Many science fiction writers are literary autodidacts who focus on the genre primarily as a literature of ideas rather than as a pure art form or a tool for the introspective examination of the human condition. I'm not entirely at ease with that self-description.

Charles Stross

#21. Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?

Chelsea Handler

#22. Go see, ask why, show respect.

Fujio Cho

#23. Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Bob Monkhouse