Top 34 Funny Divorce Quotes
#1. You will find liberals always rooting for savages against civilization.
Ann Coulter
#2. Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
#3. I can't get divorced because I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.
Lenny Clarke
#4. Divorce runs high these days, but I'm an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.
Bauvard
#5. And as far as possible for sickness or fatigue, constrain yourself to eat in the hall before your people, for this shall bring great benefit and honour to you.
Robert Grosseteste
#6. I survived a divorce, no children and come to Paris three days per week. My cat ran away on a love adventure; don't know when he will be back.
Tionne Rogers
#7. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
Johnny Carson
#8. I find it funny that you could pass the same person on the street, in a store, or even in your neighborhood many times before actually meeting, thinking you've never seen them before, but when you are finally introduced, they seem to pop up everywhere.
Courtney Giardina
#9. Some things happened and some other things didn't, and at one point I found I'd gone to a place where I married Jascha. Pyotr Frankis had been right: life was funny. It was also reasonably good and so was the relationship. And after the divorce, I got a job.
Pat Cadigan
#10. Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.
Dave Mordal
#11. Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
#13. Am I suggesting that you must feel sorry for divorce lawyers and prepare to pay every penny of their fees? Of course not! You deserve justice, and the lawyer can be lured into delivering said justice at a seriously discounted price!
Portia Porter
#14. Our industry [classic music] has kind of retarded into this kind of endless cover-producing thing, and it's a pity.
Esa-Pekka Salonen
#15. I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
Will Rogers
#16. We are all here, on this earth for only one go around. And everyone thinks their purpose is to just find their passion. But perhaps our purpose is to find what other people need.
Meg Wolitzer
#17. I think it was the right decision to disarm Saddam Hussein. And when the president made the decision, I supported him, and I support the fact that we did disarm him.
John F. Kerry
#18. I actually think the subject of young divorce is pretty funny; I'd like to write a movie about it.
Olivia Wilde
#19. We need to give everybody a chance, treat everybody with respect, and let them share in this great American dream that we have.
John Kasich
#20. Is everything funny? For me, yes. There's a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there's something in there that'll make you laugh.
Kevin Hart
#21. My heart swelled in my chest, like a froth of bubbles begging to be released.
Demelza Carlton
#22. All kinds of performance practices have a certain register of power or solemnity.
Theaster Gates
#23. Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.
Larry Gelbart
#24. Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?
Natasha Leggero
#25. In real life, couples bond and war over a million different things. The causes of divorce are like beautiful, unique snowflakes.
Howard Mittelmark
#26. How seldom is generosity perfect and pure! How often do men give because it throws a certain inferiority on those who receive, and superiority on themselves!
Fulke Greville, 1st Baron Brooke
#27. He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
#28. I ain't got no blood claim on you, and the Lord in Heaven knows I want you to have a good life with your own people. But" - her huge bass voice broke up into little squeaky pieces - "but it's killing me to see you go.
Katherine Paterson
#29. Daniel Day-Lewis and Sean Penn to me are the two best actors of all time. I'm just glad to have the pleasure to be in an era that they're acting while I'm acting. They're probably the best actors in my mind.
Channing Tatum
#30. Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.
Rich Vos
#31. As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Groucho Marx
#33. An open marriage is nature's way of telling you that you need a divorce.
Ann Landers
#34. It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
Frank Carson
