Funny Chair Quotes

#1. At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

Kristen Schaal

#2. Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

Bauvard

#3. Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

Will Rogers

#4. His parties have room for all. Come on in. Nobody to look at you funny in here. Nobody to tell you not to have that drink, kiss that fella, smash that chair, light that chandelier on fire. Do it all. Do it all forever.

Catherynne M Valente

#5. This is so funny," said Ellen, noticing the seating arrangement. "Isn't this funny? Tom, come sit next to Robin. Griffin, sit next to Laura."
I stood up and sat next to Robin while Griffin brought his chair over to Laura.
"That's better," said Ellen. "Isn't that better?

Daniel Amory

#6. Now all I have to worry about is what might crawl out of the darkness to get me in the night."
"Yeah, well, I think there's a box of doughnuts under the chair. You can toss those to distract it.

Elle Parker

#7. I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."

Mitch Hedberg

#8. One thing about a police state, you can always find the police.

L. Neil Smith

#9. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Red Skelton

#10. I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.

Mitch Hedberg

#11. You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.

Lewis Black

#12. When women criticize men it's called feminism. When men criticize women it's called misogyny

Dennis Prager

#13. Relationship doesn't remain, We resonate on different flames, I could cut you down again, If you were like all other men, If you were like all other men, I know that I could shut you down again

Amy Winehouse

#14. Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

Ellen DeGeneres

#15. Did you ever wake up with an erection ... and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

Zach Galifianakis

#16. Yesterday that new lipstick made me very happy," I tell the counselor. "But today, it just doesn't seem like enough.

Shannon Olson

#17. Charlie waves me on, then leans an elbow on his chair. Propping his head up with a finger by his temple.
He's pissed at me.
But this is Tuesday and the sky is blue. So everything is as it should be.

Krista Ritchie

#18. But maybe life is like that - you never know when something that's been hidden is going to rise up and bite you, or glow with a golden hue.

Charles Martin

#19. The Christian Sunday should be a festival, gathering up all the life of the week and offering it to God in worship and then spending the day in a way which most truly promotes joy and happiness and refreshment for oneself and for other people.

Olive Wyon

#20. Bind Merrimoth," he finally said, "and I'll do that think you like later."
"It's not like my power reacts to the reward system," I said, then added, "What thing?"
The corner of his mouth quirked. "On the chair."
"You mean the thing you like?"
"We both like," he corrected. "Win-win.

Jenn Bennett

#21. Otis," I said.

"Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis."

"I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."

Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.

Rick Riordan

#22. Her friends say she is very funny. At a family dinner, she stood to go, and the footman very properly pulled her chair away. At that moment I asked her a question and she sat down again, except there was no chair. Everyone, including the Queen, laughed and laughed.

Prince Andrew

#23. Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog.

Jack Paar

#24. Who is sitting in that empty chair?

Eugene Ormandy

#25. You can renew your spirit and strength, if you take time to rest your soul.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#26. It is cheaper to pay mathematicians and computer scientists to design algorithms that will eliminate webspamming, rather than to pay lawyers to do lawsuits.

Jennifer Tour Chayes

#27. He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.

Dylan Moran

#28. The difficulty is no longer to find candidates for the offices, but offices for the candidates.

Thomas Jefferson

#29. One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.

George Lopez

#30. The glory of the God of Israel appeared from the east. The sound of his coming was like the roar of rushing waters, and the whole landscape shone with his glory.

Anonymous

#31. I grew up a huge fan of The Three Stooges and Monty Python, so somebody getting slapped in the face with a fish, or falling out of a chair, or running into a door, or tripping over their own feet and eating it, is all stuff I find really, really funny.

Thomas Sadoski

#32. [Razo] knocked, peered inside, then jumped and shut the door, quiet as brushing two feathers together. He smiled at his own stealth, then swaggered right into a chair, banging it against the wall.
You oaf. He cut short his swagger and began to move with exaggerated sneakiness.

Shannon Hale

#33. The big male gestured to a chair in the corner. "Mind if I sit?"

She nodded her acquiescence. "Go right ahead. That chair has seen more tail than a rock star lately.

Elisabeth Staab

#34. Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"

Bill Cosby