Evolution Humor Quotes

#1. Alternatively, anyone who favors Intelligent Design in lieu of evolution might pause to wonder why God devoted so much of His intelligence to designing malarial parasites.

David Quammen

#2. The fact that mammalian crying serves as a cue for maternal support, rather than as a dinner bell, is a major evolutionary difference.

Matthew D. Lieberman

#3. Man is a clothed animal; almost.

Ahmed Mostafa

#4. Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature immediately comes up with a better mouse.

James D. Carswell

#5. My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Steven Wright

#6. Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?

Bill Watterson

#7. Random chance is not sufficient to explain random chance. ~Jubal Harshaw

Robert A. Heinlein

#8. Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

Marc Maron

#9. No matter what argument you make against evolution, the response is Well, you know, it's possible to believe in evolution and believe in God. Yes, and it's possible to believe in Spiderman and believe in God, but that doesn't prove Spiderman is true.

Ann Coulter

#10. A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys.

Jacob M. Appel

#11. I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby.

Criss Jami

#12. When the lights went out.
It wasn't just the lights. So many things about his physical situation changed all at once that his hindbrain couldn't keep up. It told him to be nauseated just in case he'd been poisoned. It was working with fifty-million-year-old response algorithms.

James S.A. Corey

#13. What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Mark Twain

#14. Whoever authorized the evolution of the spiders of Australia should be summarily dragged out into the street and shot.

Mira Grant

#15. Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

H.L. Mencken

#16. [There's a] point where you have to leave the dough alone. It's silly to anthropomorphize bread, but I love the fact that it needs to sit quietly, to retreat from touch and noise and drama, in order to evolve.
I have to admit, I often feel that way myself.

Jodi Picoult

#17. Just because I believe in evolution doesn't mean I have to approve of it

Kurt Vonnegut

#18. At the dawn of the twentieth century, it was already clear that, chemically speaking, you and I are not much different from cans of soup. And yet we can do many complex and even fun things we do not usually see cans of soup doing.

Philip Nelson

#19. A lizard fucks a crab and nine months later a turtle pops out. It's called evolution.

Anthony Marra

#20. PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

Ambrose Bierce

#21. As an anonymous wit is supposed to have put it: Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas which, given enough time, changes into people.

David Christian

#22. Evolutionarily speaking, there is seldom any mystery in why we seek the goals we seek - why, for example, people would rather make love with an attractive partner than get a slap on the belly with a wet fish.

Steven Pinker

#23. Q: But what do you think that the Bible, itself, says? Don't you know how it was arrived at?
A: I never made a calculation
Q: What do you think?
A: I do not think about things I don't think about.
Q: Do you think about things you do think about?
A: Well, sometimes.

Scopes Trial

#24. All cows were like other cows, all tigers like all other tigers - What on earth happened to human beings?

Harry Mulisch

#25. ... People who are the spices of this world are the natural souls with instincts and impulses that have not been pruned by evolution and civilization.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#26. And specimens like this confirmed there had been some kind of divine rule in the universe because no natural selection process was up to the task of creating something like him. This was some god's, somewhere's, handiwork.

Nicole Williams

#27. History will show that patient boys with a sense of humor, who can dance, tend to have more opportunities to participate in the evolution of the species than boys who give up and mope quietly on the sidelines

Andrew Smith

#28. The missing link between humans and apes? It's certainly those brutes who haven't yet learned to respect privacy.

Raheel Farooq

#29. As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical gesturing as the primary means of communication for all human beings except Italians. (Earth (The Book), p. 36)

Jon Stewart

#30. No wonder these people don't believe in evolution. It obviously hasn't worked in their favor.

Jeri Smith-Ready

#31. Darwin was a dreamer, I can assure you. No evolution or anything of the sort. For every one who can reason, I have to battle with nine orangutans.
Don Anacleto

Carlos Ruiz Zafon