Deadpan Quotes

#1. Patience, Loo-Sha," Soren said as he leaned a shoulder against the wall. To this, Zun snorted a single laugh.
"That is like telling the wind to stop blowing," he added, deadpan.

Poppy Rhys

#2. Felicia managed to stagger to her feet, open the front door, and limp haltingly to the white limousine idling on the snowy street outside the house. Murphy went to the window to watch Felicia get into the limo and depart.
"Yeah," I said, deadpan. "The little blond woman has two of them.

Jim Butcher

#3. Adrian was completely deadpan. 'So. You're saying my sister is dressed like a prostitute.

Richelle Mead

#4. Tybalt's what we call 'Cait Sidhe' - the fairy cats. Which explains the attitude. And the eyes."

"Meow," said Tybalt, deadpan.

Seanan McGuire

#5. All the people saying mean things about me on the Internet are gonna be dead in four hundred and thirty-three days," she said, deadpan.

Neal Stephenson

#6. Peabody, you never cease to amaze me."
"One day I'll tell you about my granny and her five lovers."
"Five lovers isn't abnormal for a woman's lifetime."
"Not in her lifetime; last month. All at the same time." Peabody glanced up, deadpan. "She's ninety-eight. I hope to take after her.

J.D. Robb

#7. People have found her somber, but it is sometimes because her humor is so deadpan dry that it escapes many.

Irin Carmon

#8. Ivy turned. 'He bit you on the neck?' she said, deadpan serious but for her eyes. 'Oh, then it's got to be love. She won't let me bite her neck.

Kim Harrison

#9. I don't know what to get Quinn for Christmas."
"You - in a bow." Nico said this deadpan. "Maybe forget the bow.

Penny Reid

#10. The others had taken Valek's return in stride, although Janco made a comment about Valek's lack of hair. 'You ever notice how couples start to look alike?' he asked.
In a deadpan, Valek replied, 'Yes. In fact I was just thinking how much you and Topaz resemble each other. It's uncanny.

Maria V. Snyder

#11. There's something about Vonnegut's deadpan irony that I really like. And I like Borges' puzzle structure.

Ruth Ozeki

#12. Ewan played it cool, looking back at Sebastian. "Are their names on the list?"
Sebastian didn't miss a beat. "No sir."
"But he isn't holding a list," the girl whined.
( ... ) "Is my name of the list?" I teased Sebastian.
"What list?" he said, deadpan. "Go on back?

Jaye Wells

#13. I don't think your girlfriend likes me." Putting on the most bored face I can muster, I add deadpan, "I'm torn up." Shaking his head at me, he mutters, "Yeah, I can see that.

Belle Aurora

#14. Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for our rabbit on the conveyor. The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like 'em 'cause they're crunchy. Here's your sign.

Bill Engvall

#15. I had that perfect deadpan ... for these commercials. Within the first eight months I had eight national TV commercials. I'm a true Hollywood success story - knew no one, had no connections.

Leslie Jordan

#16. Look son, the Human Pig.

(shocked)Mother, y-you're inhuman!

(deadpan)Another animal could do this?

Larry Gonick

#17. Its deadpan and her sarcasm sailed straight on past each other, strangers passing on a dark road in the night.

Nicole Kornher-Stace

#18. If you were to hold me down and tickle me to pick my favorite 'plus-comic,' it would have to be Kevin James, a broad physical pratfaller capable of deadpan underplay, a technique honed from years of reaction-shot close-ups on TV, where every teeny fraction of a squint registers.

James Wolcott

#19. I'd found people got uncomfortable quicker by my staying quiet while holding a deadpan stare.

Keri Lake

#20. We have to get you a haircut sometime today. You're starting to look like a sulky rock star."
"Well, I am a rock star," he said, deadpan

Thea Harrison

#21. Aelyx's voice was guarded when he said, "Our geneticists terminated the program."
"Why?"
"Because we all started growing tentacles."

Her eyes opened wide. "Really?"

"No," he said, totally deadpan. "Not really."

Damn, she'd walked right into that one.

Melissa Landers

#22. You're not going to suck.'
'Not at the guitar, anyway,' Shane said, deadpan. Claire punched him in the arm. 'Ow.

Rachel Caine

#23. I find it very strange doing voiceover stuff, because you find you have to enunciate and make stupid faces in order for the point to make sense, because it's playing against the deadpan Simpson face. If you're just speaking in the regular way you speak, it will sound really boring.

Emily Blunt

#24. People, particularly over-moralistic Americans, have often seen me as a pessimist and humourless to boot, yet I think I have an almost maniacal sense of humour. The problem is that it's rather deadpan.

J.G. Ballard

#25. Renaissance cowboy/raconteur Pop Wagner ... deadpan funny ... his presence is like meeting Woody Guthrie and Will Rogers riding a single, many colored horse. Pop is a kind of 'textile genius' who is able to spin, at once, both yarn and rope.

Ron Miles

#26. He's fucking stone cold deadpan. His pan is so dead he could lay it in a casket and bury it at Bellevue. They made a movie about him once: Dawn of Ivan's Pan.

Charlotte Stein

#27. You think Tide is better, or All?'
'Which has a prettier box?' I ask.
'I don't want a pretty box. I want a dude box.'
Uh-huh,' I deadpan. 'You want a dude box of laundry detergent.'
'Yes, I do.'
'Good luck with that.

E. Lockhart

#28. So are the stories true?" asked Hunter. "Depends," Becca hedged. "What have you heard?"
"That you knocked two seniors on their asses on the soccer field, then flipped off the coach."
"Absolutely true," said Becca, deadpan.

Brigid Kemmerer

#29. My dad has a dry, deadpan sense of humor, and my mom has an unexpected, wacky take on things. They really encouraged laughing at ourselves and the weirdness of situations that come up growing up in politics.

Kristin Gore

#30. I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'

Steven Wright

#31. So, deadpan I think just means not acknowledging for one second that you think that this is funny and clever.

Patrick Warburton

#32. Lyall's face went deadpan as he relayed the details, as those who are tortured or raped will become when they retell the pattern of abuse

Gail Carriger

#33. I'm mad at your idiot coworker. Not you. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Why would you cheat on me?"

"Because you force me to use words like piqued," Alexander replied, deadpan.

S.H. Marr

#34. Kiara shook her head at his dry wit that he delivered in a perfect deadpan monotone. He was strangely entertaining in a lethal, 'I'll rip out your heat and eat it' kind of way.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#35. Though the clown is often deadpan, he is a connoisseur of laughter.

Mel Gussow

#36. Dare leaned in her window. "Be smart, Priss, and listen to Trace."
Priss scowled at him. "Why doesn't he have to listen to me?"
After a long stare-off, Dare peered past Priss to Trace and said, totally deadpan, "Listen to Priss.

Lori Foster

#37. You don't believe I'm cute enough to rescue? he asked, deadpan.

Lindsay Buroker

#38. When I was doing comedy in New York, before I was in movies, I was never known as the deadpan actress. I was just a comedienne.

Aubrey Plaza

#39. A dementor," I say. "What in God's holy name is that?" "A dementor? From Harry Potter?" "Well, put your hood back, for the love of Jesus. And who are you supposed to be?" "Kim Kardashian," says Leah, just completely deadpan. Garrett looks confused. "Tohru from Fruits Basket.

Becky Albertalli

#40. Marie Houzelle is a master of the first-person narrative. In Tita she has created a strange, utterly original child whose deadpan certainties are a beguiling invitation to readers of all ages.

Katharine Weber

#41. I have no social agenda with my work. I'm deadpan about it.

Edward Ruscha

#42. Nice blouse, Sage," Adrian told me, deadpan. "It really brings out the khaki in your pants.

Richelle Mead

#43. Lipstick?" He arched a brow.
"I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade," I respond, deadpan.
"Ditch the magenta. Your olive skin screams for rose." His deadpan is better than mine.

Gena Showalter

#44. I didn't answer. Mr. Dowater had a reputation for deadpan humor, a humor that was strangely similar to the low-level, sarcastic sniper fire offered by the school's underbleacher population of stoners and class-cutters. It didn't really pay to engage it. After

Ethan Canin

#45. "God, you're a good kisser," he said. "Where'd you learn to do that?"
I sat up and flashed him a deadpan look. "Books," I said.

Eve Marie Mont

#46. No phones, no internet and no TV and we manage to make the news in at least three states. What are the odds?"

Alex looked at him deadpan and said "Well, I do make really good buns. Word was bound to spread.

Theresa Shaver

#47. That was a hell of a thing.

Engineer Fred Kwan Galaxy Quest

#48. The vampire blood running around in their systems isn't natural, so whenever Henry or Grace get a cut, no matter how minor, their bodies can't produce more blood. It's up to Madeline to come replenish it from her own supply, another process that I'm told is (ha-ha) draining.

M.L. Brennan