Top 55 Clever Humor Quotes
#1. He had his head in hand hands, and his tie looked like it had been put on by an enemy, and was strangling him.
Caitlin Moran
#2. If you're going to have a book full of clever people and nobody ever jokes, it's just not going to ring true to the reader. That said, humor writing is the hardest kind of writing there is.
Patrick Rothfuss
#3. You've met our guards." He gestured at the silent cylindrical guide. "The secret warriors: the binja.
China Mieville
#5. Half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times.
Patrick Rothfuss
#7. Fine! He is being passive aggressive with me, and it's gonna backfire; I'm gonna be active friendly.
Natalya Vorobyova
#8. A wolf is clever-clever-clever, and they are as faithful as a debt unpaid.
Tad Williams
#9. Later, they also found a camp of outlaws who, when offered the chance to join the rebel ranks, unsheathed their daggers and threatened to cut the three into tiny, bloody pieces and eat them for dinner.
They too that as a firm no.
Morgan Rhodes
#10. All I meant to say is that a rake's humor has its basis in cruelty. He needs a victim, for he cannot imagine ever laughing at himself. You, your grace, are rather clever with the self-deprecating remark.
Julia Quinn
#11. Something bad was about to happen. My wife was being clever again.
Gillian Flynn
#12. I take back everything I ever said about that boy being clever." He turned around to face the bar while leveling an accusatory finger at the closed door. "That," he said firmly to the room in general, "is what comes of working with iron every day.
Patrick Rothfuss
#13. His father was an ass and he is an ass. I imagine sooner than I should like I shall be playing uncle to a litter of asses.
T.A. Miles
#14. I'm not trying to put you down, but even if I did, you'd have nowhere to go.
Aleksandra Ninkovic
#15. I couldn't think of one clever way to stop this guy, so I just trusted to mindless violence.
Grant Morrison
#16. As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man," said Suzy. "Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in.
Garth Nix
#17. A stupid person can make only certain, limited types of errors; the mistakes open to a clever fellow are far broader. But to the one who knows how smart he is compared to everyone else, the possibilities for true idiocy are boundless.
Steven Brust
#18. If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
David Sedaris
#19. I've determined the ideal job for me is one where I can write clever essays about my life and my employer will give me enough money not only to live a comfortable existence, but also to buy many, many new pairs of shoes.
Jen Lancaster
#20. How DARE the villainous cads be as clever as the heroes.
Mercedes Lackey
#21. I've just finished reading some of my early papers, and you know, when I'd finished I said to myself, 'Rutherford, my boy, you used to be a damned clever fellow.' (1911)
Ernest Rutherford
#22. My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.'
'I missed you too, Thurid.
Derek Landy
#23. How gratifying it is to amuse. How easy it gets to toss off a witticism to ease any awkwardness, to sidestep any solemnity. When you amuse, it even seems, for the briefest possible moment that you are who you appear to be, so clever and confident and at ease.
Caroline Kettlewell
#24. This town, this country, this world, is full to the brim with clever people, and just look at it. Never been in such awful shape. Clever people don't give a damn about anybody but themselves. Too busy being clever. The world doesn't need anymore clever people. It needs people with wisdom.
Jon Steele
#25. Here lies clever Trevor;
Truth was not his friend.
He lied until the end;
Now, he'll lie forever.
Esther Spurrill Jones
#26. You think you're a very clever fellow, don't you?" Saldur challenged.
"No, Your Grace," Merrick replied. "Clever is the man who makes a fortune selling dried-up cows, explaining how it saves the farmers the trouble of getting up every morning to milk them. I'm not clever - I'm a genius.
Michael J. Sullivan
#27. George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.
Bill Cosby
#29. What a newspaper needs in its news, in its headlines, and on its editorial page is terseness, humor, descriptive power, satire, originality, good literary style, clever condensation and accuracy, accuracy, accuracy.
Joseph Pulitzer
#30. That cat was a spy. You had to take a pot shot at it. It was a very clever German midget dressed up in a cheap fur coat.
J.D. Salinger
#31. I have learned that particularly clever ideas do not always stand up under close scrutiny.
Elizabeth Peters
#32. To be clever in the afternoon argues that one is dining nowhere in the evening.
Saki
#33. Ook, though very clever, was the worst fighter in the tribe. That is how he ended up with Grot-Grot as his woman. Grot-Grot had a bald patch on the top of her head, she was missing an eye and she smelled like a dead skunk. She did have a good sense of humour though.
Aussiescribbler
#34. At least if I
was picking guys up in fits of drunken idiocy, they were not only handsome, but also even mildly clever.
C.E. Murphy
#35. When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three
I was hardly me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five, I was just alive.
But now I am Six, I'm as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.
A.A. Milne
#36. A book that is written for the quirky, mischievous, and decidedly irreverent-minded modern reader, Confessions from the Comments Section will appeal to anyone who enjoys a clever, no-holds-barred roast of our contemporary cultural chaos.
Jonathan Kieran
#37. The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique.
Mitch Hedberg
#38. The next best thing to being clever is being able to quote some one who is.
Mary Pettibone Poole
#39. I don't like a clever toilet looking at our butts.
Emma Donoghue
#40. Why do you keep looking back there?" the guy in charge had asked.
"From time to time I need an antidote," Eddie said.
"From what?"
"Your face.
Stephen King
#41. Yeah, sure. You know I can't stand the sight of blood, right?"
"Said no one ever while dating a vampire," he quipped
"Very clever. Ten points to Gryffindor.
Kristi Cook
#42. Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference.
Kerry E. Wagner
#43. To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans
Zoe Marriott
#44. You have quite the clever tongue on you!"
"I've never actually had someone's tongue on me," Shallan said, turning a page and not looking up, "clever or not. I'd hazard to consider it an unpleasant experience."
"It ain't so bad," Gaz said.
Brandon Sanderson
#45. Humor is important. If you're going to tell any sort of realistic story, you're going to have to have humor in it, because people are funny. Clever people especially.
Patrick Rothfuss
#46. Do what? Come up with a clever pun referencing Jerome's demonic status? The truth is, I usually keep a stash of them on hand and -
Richelle Mead
#47. Major Major's father had a good joke about opportunity. "Opportunity only knocks once in this world," he would say. Major Major's father repeated this good joke at every opportunity.
Joseph Heller
#48. You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.
Jim Butcher
#49. Well now, look at this, they keep winter in a box. That's clever, she congratulated me. Then she shut the fridge door ...
Andrew M. Greeley
#50. Control was the basis of all humor. Even at its most innocent, what was a joke or a clever comment if not a way to take control? To become King of the Moment.
Adam Rex
#51. Ohh, how clever," Aden said and clapped. "A death threat. You know what's funny? That's not even my first of the day.
Gena Showalter
#52. Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.
Zane Stumpo
#53. Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!'
Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back.
Derek Landy
#54. He smiled ostentatiously to show himself reasonable and nice. "I'm not saying that to be cruel and insulting," he continued with cruel and insulting delight.
Joseph Heller
#55. A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
Mark Twain
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