Stephen Colbert Show Quotes

#1. I get up around 8 o'clock, which gives me enough time to walk dogs and feed chickens and horses. Then I get to work in my home office upstairs, and basically, I don't stop until I've written 2,000 words and/or the Stephen Colbert show is over.

Lisa Scottoline

#2. I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."

Stephen Colbert

#3. We are thrilled that Jon Batiste is joining 'The Late Show' family of products. For my money, nobody plays like Jon Batiste. And you can trust me, because it is my money.

Stephen Colbert

#4. I will assist you to become an Auror if it is the last thing I

J.K. Rowling

#5. Death and life have their determined appointments; riches and honors depend upon heaven.

Confucius

#6. There's a degree of narcissism involved in anything in show business. I mean, you can't do it without a healthy ego. Why would you want anybody to listen to you?

Stephen Colbert

#7. The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jon would be the new host of 'The Daily Show,' which back then was not called 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.'

Stephen Colbert

#8. Look at our Lords disciples. One denied Him; one doubted Him; one betrayed Him. If our Lord couldn't have perfection, how are you going to have it in city government?

Richard J. Daley

#9. You may learn sooner than most generations the hard lesson that you must always make the path for yourself ... There is no secret society out there that will tap you on your shoulder one night and show you the way.

Stephen Colbert

#10. Half a man's life is devoted to what he calls improvements, yet the original had some quality which is lost in the process.

E.B. White

#11. I'm just glad that my community has faith and confidence in me.

Charles B. Rangel

#12. I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.

Stephen Colbert

#13. Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

Stephen Colbert

#14. It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, "I command you to do this." The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.

Stephen Colbert

#15. I've been a big believer in musicians turned actor, going back to Sinatra winning the Oscar for 'From Here To Eternity.' David Bowie in 'Man Who Fell to Earth,' Kris Kristofferson's been great in a bunch of films. Liza Minnelli, Barbra Streisand, Mariah Carey, I thought was great in 'Precious.'

Peter Berg

#16. Friendship is the grease of life.

Ogwo David Emenike

#17. If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.

Stephen Colbert

#18. I was a fan of "The Daily Show" I watched it,I never imagined being on it, but I figured I would just go down there and do my best Stephen Colbert impression.

Aasif Mandvi

#19. In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'

Stephen Colbert

#20. We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

Stephen Colbert

#21. And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.

Stephen Colbert

#22. I gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it does, Stephen. Let's get a grilled cheese sandwich."

Stephen Colbert

#23. I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.

Stephen Colbert

#24. With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.

Stephen Colbert

#25. Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.

Stephen Colbert

#26. I like being boring to a certain extent. I don't have to be flashy. I get to put all of that into a show, and when it's over, I don't have to be that.

Stephen Colbert

#27. For a long time, I was in love with her in that diffuse, ambiguous, and obsessive way that can never be explained to strangers.

Pete Hamill

#28. On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.

Stephen Colbert

#29. If all alms were given only from pity, all beggars would have starved long ago.

Friedrich Nietzsche

#30. With which stars do they go on speaking,the rivers that never reach the sea?

Pablo Neruda

#31. The only way to treat the common cold is with contempt.

William Osler

#32. When I got to 'The Daily Show,' they asked me to have a political opinion. It turned out that I had one, but I didn't realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices.

Stephen Colbert

#33. My grandfather was a lot like a white Jewish George Jefferson, and he did not enjoy my work very much.

Jenny Slate