Top 100 Stanhope Quotes
#1. I will thank you to stay out of my affairs. Or need I remind you that it is not Stanhope whom I'e had to be wary of on balconies recently?
Sarah MacLean
#2. Later, in her suite at the Stanhope, Ruth resisted calling Eddie. Besides, at the New York Athletic Club, they probably refused to answer the phone after a certain hour. Or else they would demand to know, when you called, if you were wearing a coat and tie.
John Irving
#3. Everyone who sees us
especially Stanhope, who has been friends with us both for years
knows we're just out for a ride. Not out for a ride."
He looked at her, shaking his head in confusion. "Women truly are strange and unknowable creatures
Sarah MacLean
#4. How long a honeymoon are you planning?" Mrs. Stanhope inquired. "About fifty years," Charles replied. And
Sidney Sheldon
#5. , Stanhope delayed a moment behind Miss Fox to add: "The substantive, of course, governs the adjective; not the other way round."
"The substantive?" Pauline asked blankly.
"Good. It contains terror, not terror good. I'm keeping you. Good-bye, Periel," and he was gone.
Charles Williams
#6. So, are you ... intrigued ... by Stanhope?" "Intrigued by him?" "Indeed. Do you find him ... " he paused. "Intriguing?" she teased. He sent her an exasperated look.
Sarah MacLean
#7. Accept a miracle, instead of wit See two dull lines, with Stanhope's pencil writ.
Edward Young
#8. I am here, Bella. Let me cherish you as you deserve.
- Sebastian Stanhope
Diana Quincy
#9. I like my life now," she said. "I don't need it to change."
"But it is changing," Benjamin Stanhope said, "None of us can hold things where we want them to be. It is all slipping and changing, Alice.
Kate Alcott
#10. However it happened, you are my wife and I am grateful. I look at you and I know you were worth waiting for.
- Sebastian Stanhope
Diana Quincy
#11. Coward is the most misused word in our society.
Doug Stanhope
#12. I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
Doug Stanhope
#13. There is time enough for everything, in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once; but there is not time enough in they year, if you will do two things at a time.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#14. Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.
Doug Stanhope
#15. Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up ... there are too many people.
Doug Stanhope
#16. There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.
Doug Stanhope
#17. To love, to be loved, and to be useful: these are the most important elements in a happy, meaningful life, and they can be achieved anywhere.
Syrie James
#18. If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.
Doug Stanhope
#19. [Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.
Doug Stanhope
#20. I kept a picture of me kissing my dad's corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I'd break it out any time someone showed me a baby picture, just so they would know how it ends.
Doug Stanhope
#21. I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.
Doug Stanhope
#23. I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
Doug Stanhope
#24. The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.
Doug Stanhope
#26. Every vice is already a punishment in itself ... you don't need a ticket on top of it.
Doug Stanhope
#27. If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.
Doug Stanhope
#28. America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It's like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box.
Doug Stanhope
#29. Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?
Doug Stanhope
#30. Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
#31. I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment.
Doug Stanhope
#32. I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.
Doug Stanhope
#33. I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.
Doug Stanhope
#34. A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#35. But a young man should be ambitious to shine, and excel; alert, active, and indefatigable in the means of doing it.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#36. Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
Doug Stanhope
#37. Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
Doug Stanhope
#38. I shall go on making sublime and philosophical discoveries, and employing myself in deep, abstract studies.
Lady Hester Stanhope
#39. Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in.
Doug Stanhope
#40. That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.
Doug Stanhope
#41. Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD
Doug Stanhope
#43. You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger ... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.
Doug Stanhope
#44. The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
Doug Stanhope
#46. Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.
Doug Stanhope
#47. I recommend to you to take care of the minutes; for hours will take care of themselves. I am very sure, that many people lose two or three hours every day, by not taking care of the minutes.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#48. They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts ... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem.
Doug Stanhope
#49. I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.
Doug Stanhope
#50. My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?
Doug Stanhope
#51. I have the kind of show that reminds you of your problems, and then I talk about other problems you didn't even know you had until tonight.
Doug Stanhope
#52. Education is all paint - it does not alter the nature of the wood that lies under it, it only improves its appearance a little. Why I dislike education so much is, that it makes all people alike, until you have examined into them; and it sometimes is so long before you get to see under the varnish!
Lady Hester Stanhope
#53. I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.
Doug Stanhope
#54. If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.
Doug Stanhope
#55. Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.
Doug Stanhope
#56. Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid.
Doug Stanhope
#57. People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate.
Doug Stanhope
#58. The only legitimate excuse you could have for having a baby in those dire, war torn, famine struck conditions - would be to eat it.
Doug Stanhope
#59. Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.
Doug Stanhope
#60. Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing ... fight to get new weirder ones ... and weirder establishments to do them in.
Doug Stanhope
#61. There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
Doug Stanhope
#62. What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
Doug Stanhope
#63. What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.
Doug Stanhope
#65. There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
Doug Stanhope
#66. Men have various subjects in which they may excel, or at least would be thought to excel, and though they love to hear justice done to them where they know they excel, yet they are most and best flattered upon those points where they wish to excel and yet are doubtful whether they do or not.
Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield
#67. In matters of religion and matrimony I never give advice, because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#68. I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
Doug Stanhope
#69. Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of our helplessness in the forces of nature or go insane. And where is he now? Dead.
Doug Stanhope
#70. I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don't.
Doug Stanhope
#71. Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well.
Doug Stanhope
#73. Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four years?
Doug Stanhope
#74. Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?
Doug Stanhope
#75. It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
Doug Stanhope
#76. The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
Doug Stanhope
#77. I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.
Doug Stanhope
#78. Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met
Doug Stanhope
#79. I wish to God that you had as much pleasure in following my advice, as I have in giving it to you.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#80. I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.
Doug Stanhope
#81. Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company.
Doug Stanhope
#82. Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.
Doug Stanhope
#83. In seeking wisdom thou art wise; in imagining that thou hast attained it - thou art a fool.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#84. Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no delay, no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#86. The Internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club owners deciding if they are funny or not.
Doug Stanhope
#87. The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.
Doug Stanhope
#88. Paralympics ... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.
Doug Stanhope
#89. I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, Gay pride, white power! just to confuse people.
Doug Stanhope
#90. I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.
Doug Stanhope
#91. If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.
Doug Stanhope
#92. That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
Doug Stanhope
#93. I have a picture I keep in my wallet of my father's corpse ... I keep that picture in my wallet to show people who show me baby pictures.
Doug Stanhope
#94. I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me ... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.
Doug Stanhope
#95. What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.
Doug Stanhope
#96. Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.
Doug Stanhope
#97. Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
Doug Stanhope
#99. There is nothing that people bear more impatiently, or forgive less, than contempt; and an injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
#100. Words are the dress of thoughts; which should no more be presented in rags, tatters, and dirt than your person should.
Philip Dormer Stanhope
