Top 46 Best Stanhope Quotes

#1. Coward is the most misused word in our society.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #1158
#2. I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #11427
#3. There is time enough for everything, in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once; but there is not time enough in they year, if you will do two things at a time.

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #11912
#4. Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #31339
#5. Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up ... there are too many people.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #44511
#6. There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #44679
#7. To love, to be loved, and to be useful: these are the most important elements in a happy, meaningful life, and they can be achieved anywhere.

Syrie James

Best Stanhope Quotes #54136
#8. If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #60227
#9. [Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #61777
#10. I kept a picture of me kissing my dad's corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I'd break it out any time someone showed me a baby picture, just so they would know how it ends.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #65098
#11. I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #65557
#12. Swift speedy time, feathered with flying hours, Dissolves the beauty of the fairest brow.

Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

Best Stanhope Quotes #69939
#13. I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #72429
#14. The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #82920
#15. Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #85615
#16. Every vice is already a punishment in itself ... you don't need a ticket on top of it.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #85656
#17. If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #86855
#18. America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It's like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #108574
#19. Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #117802
#20. Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #119695
#21. I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #120914
#22. I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #123464
#23. I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #129103
#24. A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones.

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #152848
#25. But a young man should be ambitious to shine, and excel; alert, active, and indefatigable in the means of doing it.

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #157730
#26. Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #165945
#27. Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #195944
#28. I shall go on making sublime and philosophical discoveries, and employing myself in deep, abstract studies.

Lady Hester Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #203318
#29. Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #215139
#30. That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #219019
#31. Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #222767
#32. Idleness is only the refuge of weak
minds, and the holiday of fools.

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #225803
#33. You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger ... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #225960
#34. The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #246793
#35. The mere brute pleasure of reading - the sort of pleasure a cow must have in grazing.

Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

Best Stanhope Quotes #248089
#36. Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #267884
#37. I recommend to you to take care of the minutes; for hours will take care of themselves. I am very sure, that many people lose two or three hours every day, by not taking care of the minutes.

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #275184
#38. They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts ... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #278892
#39. I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #281982
#40. Ridicule is the best test of truth.

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #386935
#41. Men have various subjects in which they may excel, or at least would be thought to excel, and though they love to hear justice done to them where they know they excel, yet they are most and best flattered upon those points where they wish to excel and yet are doubtful whether they do or not.

Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield

Best Stanhope Quotes #406656
#42. Common sense (which, in truth, is very uncommon) is the best sense I know of: abide by it; it will counsel you best.

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #864130
#43. As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #1057110
#44. Common sense is the best sense I know of

Philip Dormer Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #1161513
#45. The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #1561432
#46. You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best ... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y.

Doug Stanhope

Best Stanhope Quotes #1740207

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