Top 47 Sir Terry Pratchett Quotes
#1. Sir Terry Pratchett - he was knighted in 2009, and on him it looked earned rather than entitled - wrote about dragons, wizards, turtles, witches, time-travelling monks, and suitcases with legs.
Nick Harkaway
#2. I suppose some rich private collector has it now," Sir Reynold moaned. "But how could he keep it a secret? The mural is one of the most recognizable paintings in the hworld! Every civilized person hwould spot it in an instant!" "What did it look like?" said Fred Colon.
Terry Pratchett
#3. William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir."
Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.
Terry Pratchett
#4. What are your duties?" said Vimes. "To Serve The Public Trust, Protect The Innocent, And Seriously Prod Buttock, Sir," said Dorfl.
Terry Pratchett
#5. You said there's been another murder?"
"At the Dwarf Bread Museum. Someone killed Mr. Hopkinson with his own bread!"
"Made him eat it?"
"Hit him with it, sir," said Carrot reproachfully. "Battle Bread, sir.
Terry Pratchett
#6. A dwarf who can't get the hang of metal? That must be pretty unique."
"Pretty rare, sir. But I was quite good at alchemy.."
"Guild member?"
"Not any more, sir."
"Oh? How did you leave the guild?"
"Through the roof, sir. But I'm pretty certain I know what I did wrong.
Terry Pratchett
#7. Sir, sometimes I feel there are no heroes, no villains. Just men, ordinary men locked up by circumstances, good or bad. This I truly believe, and I suggest that you believe it too.
Terry Pratchett
#8. Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.
Terry Pratchett
#9. AT LAST, SIR TERRY, WE MUST WALK TOGETHER.
Terry took Death's arm and followed him through the doors and on to the black desert under the endless night. The End.
Rhianna Pratchett
#10. No, no, no!" said Albert. "You got to put a bit of life in it, sir, no offense intended. It's got to be a big fat laugh. You got to ... you got to sound like you're pissing brandy and crapping plum pudding, sir, excuse my Klatchian.
Terry Pratchett
#11. Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,' said Carrot
'What, in Ankh-Morpork?'
'Yes, sir.'
'We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value
Terry Pratchett
#12. Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you, sir, that your polar ice caps are below regulation size for a planet of this category, sir.
Terry Pratchett
#13. Things are different here, sir," said Carrot. "It wasn't until ten years ago they replaced trial by ordeal here with trial by lawyer, and that was only because they found that lawyers were nastier.
Terry Pratchett
#14. Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?"
"Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.
Terry Pratchett
#15. You ain't the boss of me, sir, you surely ain't. The only thing you could do right now is kill me, and you still wouldn't be the boss of me.' There
Terry Pratchett
#16. It's political, sir. Apparently he wants a return to the values and traditions that made the city great, sir."
"Does he _know_ what those values and traditions _were_?" said Vimes, aghast.
Terry Pratchett
#17. Do you think that's a good idea, sir?'
'Yes, sergeant, I do. It was one of mine.
Terry Pratchett
#18. Are we entirely ready, sir?" said Lieutenant Hornett, with the special inflection that means "We are not entirely ready, sir."
"We had better be. Glory awaits, gentlemen. In the words of General Tacticus, 'let us take history by the scrotum.' Of course, he was not a very honourable fighter.
Terry Pratchett
#19. Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."
Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.
Terry Pratchett
#20. Please, young sir! Have mercy! If not for me, please think of my dear wife and my four lovely children who'll be without their daddy!"
"You're not married," said Malicia. "You don't have any children!"
"I might want some one day!
Terry Pratchett
#21. Vetinari drummed his fingers on the table. "What would you do if I asked you an outright question, Vimes?" "I'd tell you a downright lie, sir." "Then I will not do so," said Vetinari, smiling faintly.
Terry Pratchett
#22. I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant," said Blouse.
"Right you are, sir!" said the sergeant. "Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall!" He caught the lieutenant's eye, and added: "But not too hard!
Terry Pratchett
#23. I'm not cruel, sir, I won't shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.
Terry Pratchett
#24. I don't have much time, sir, but fortunately I have a lot of gin.
Terry Pratchett
#25. I have to ask, sir ... Why does it have to be done like this?"
Vetinari smiled. "Can you keep a secret, Mister Lipwig?"
"Oh, yes, sir. I've kept lots."
"Capital. And the point is, so can I. You do not need to know.
Terry Pratchett
#26. Yes, sir, thank you, sir, and I wouldn't trust me one little inch, sir. I knows a bad one when I sees them. I have a mirror.
Terry Pratchett
#27. ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT I WILL KILL THE CAT BY LOOKING AT IT?
- It's not quite like that, sir
- I MEAN, IT'S NOT AS IF I MAKE FACES OR ANYTHING
Terry Pratchett
#28. You'll see! We're going to the palace. Fetch Angua. We might need her. And bring the search warrant.
You mean the sledgehammer, sir?
Yes.
Terry Pratchett
#29. You just put that sword away, sir, please," said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes.
"You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder," said the captain calmly.
"Not where I'm aiming, sir.
Terry Pratchett
#30. Er ... er ... Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk, sir?
Terry Pratchett
#31. I believe you vere an alcoholic, Sir Samuel."
"No," said Vimes, completely taken aback, "I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to
be an alcoholic.
Terry Pratchett
#32. You beat a dozen armed men single-handed?" "Oh aye, sir," said Wee Mad Arthur slyly, "but it was nae fair, I had them outnumbered.
Terry Pratchett
#33. It's All Officers, sir.
They broke into a run. You always did for an All Officers. The people in trouble might well be you.
Terry Pratchett
#34. Dwarfs are very argumentative, sir. Of course, many wouldn't agree.
Terry Pratchett
#36. We can't just drop everything, sir!"
"Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' you do not understand?
Terry Pratchett
#37. I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine.
Terry Pratchett
#38. Well, the news has got around. The Duchess of Keepsake has invited us to a ball, Sir Henry and Lady Withering have invited us to a ball, and Lord and Lady Hangfinger have invited us to ... yes, a ball."
"Well, that's a lot of ... "
"Don't you dare, Sam.
Terry Pratchett
#39. Do you know where 'policeman' comes from, sir? ... 'Polis' used to mean 'city', said Carrot. That's what policeman means: 'a man for the city'. Not many people knew that. The word 'polite' comes from 'polis', too. It used to mean the proper behaviour from someone living in a city.
Terry Pratchett
#40. That's the fashion. Fast as the speed of light, they say. Ha! It's got no soul, sir, no heart.
Terry Pratchett
#41. Mr. Young hadn't had to quiet a screaming baby for years. H'ed never been much good at it to start with. He'd always respected Sir Winston Churchill, and patting small versions of him on the bottom had always seemed ungracious.
Terry Pratchett
#42. Oh, yes, sir. And the Soul Cake Duck. And the Sandman. And Death.
Terry Pratchett
#43. The king nodded. "What are the priests doing about this?" he said.
"I saw them throwing one another in the river, sir."
The king nodded again. "That sounds about right," he said. "They've come to their senses at last.
Terry Pratchett
#44. What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir?
Terry Pratchett
#45. Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you."
"Sir?"
"It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority."
"Sir?"
"That's practically zen.
Terry Pratchett
#46. Both parents passed away of the Gnats on their farm out in the wilds, sir, and he was raised by peas.' 'Surely you mean on peas, Mr Groat?' 'By peas, sir
Terry Pratchett
#47. And all those frogs going 'Rabbit, rabbit' ... "
"I think, sir, that it was 'Ribbit, ribbit' ... "
"So, what goes 'Rabbit, rabbit'?"
"Rabbits, I think. All the time ...
Terry Pratchett
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
