Senator John Kerry Quotes

#1. Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.

Conan O'Brien

#2. There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this is part of America's new defense strategy to bore our enemies to death.

Jay Leno

#3. The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?

Jay Leno

#4. In a new issue of Esquire magazine, they revealed that before he was married to Teresa Heinz, Senator John Kerry dated Morgan Fairchild, Michelle Phillips, Catherine Oxenberg and Dana Delany. Finally a Democratic presidential candidate with good taste in women.

Jay Leno

#5. Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

David Letterman

#6. Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really rich country like Switzerland and marry it.

Jay Leno

#7. Don't you get it, baby?"
"What's there to get?" she asks.
"That I love you."
"Well, you have a shitty way of showing it.
I smirk. "That doesn't make it any less true.

Mary Elizabeth

#8. Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'

Dennis Miller

#9. George Bush, Dick Cheney, every one of the speakers praised John Kerry's war record. No one said he was unfit. They said he has terrible judgment, and that's his record as a senator. Nobody questioned his military record.

Peter T. King

#10. I didn't have to think up so much as a comma or a semicolon; it was all given, straight from the celestial recording room. Weary, I would beg for a break, an intermission, time enough, let's say, to go to the toilet or take a breath of fresh air on the balcony. Nothing doing!

Henry Miller

#11. a mind capable of forming an argument against God's existence constitutes evidence for his existence. That is, a conscious being with the ability to reason, weigh evidence, and argue logically must come from a source that has at least the same level of cognitive ability.

Nancy Pearcey

#12. The blue eyes watched the Texan as his python skin boots took him into the dimness of the hall of doors and his escape from Corazon's ICU was a clip clopping stride of broken confidence caught in the rebellious lighting of a cigarette.

Luke Taylor

#13. Never compare your love story to those you watch in movies. They're written by scriptwriters, yours is written by God.

Efren Penaflorida Jr.

#14. Reticence may be an elderly doctrine to preach, yet from the artistic point of view I am sure it is a sound one. Reticence conduces to effect, blatancy ruins it.

M.R. James

#15. Senator Kerry says he sees two Americas. It makes the whole thing mutual - America sees two John Kerrys.

Dick Cheney

#16. Senator Kerry voted to undermine the troops in the field, and that is not only inexcusable, it is reprehensible.

John Ensign

#17. I grew up on the precursors to rock and roll, rhythm and blues.

Bobbie Ann Mason

#18. Just because I am paranoid does not mean that someone is not out to get me

Don Darkes

#19. All women love Colin Firth: Mr. Darcy, Mark Darcy, George VI - at this point he could play the Craigslist Killer and people would be like, 'Oh my God, the Craigslist Killer has the most boyish smile!

Mindy Kaling

#20. Live your life by the hour, not by the day. What will you achieve in the next hour?

Frank Zane

#21. She draws back, yet refuses to lose skin contact. Golden light flickers across his face. He is the night, the stars. His soul shines so brightly, she could pour it into a jar, and it'd be as bright as the sun.

Laura Kreitzer