Real Time With Bill Maher Quotes

#1. You don't need a weapon to protect yourself.

Bill Maher

#2. People who call themselves divas ... you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.

Sarah Silverman

#3. New Rule: Any tattoo that has more than one line is too long.

Bill Maher

#4. Your deepest, most constant need is for My Peace. I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart,

Sarah Young

#5. I read for pleasure and to acquire knowledge.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#6. You just got your nerd credentials back.

Bill Maher

#7. Never start a company with the goal of getting rich. Your goal should be making something you believe in and making a company that will last.

Mike Markkula

#8. Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.

Bill Maher

#9. Dean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner!

Red Buttons

#10. In the United States there's an optimistic expectation that most people will remain faithful to their partner, but actual data show great numbers of people will not.

Aziz Ansari

#11. There was nothing she could say to them
nothing would be heard or answered. What were the weapons, she thought, in a realm where reason was not a weapon any longer? It was a realm she could not enter.

Ayn Rand

#12. And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that follows my stuff and always makes me glad it's us against the world.

Bill Maher

#13. Fake it. We know you can do that. We've seen your sex tape.

Bill Maher

#14. To my knowledge, the Department of Homeland Security has focused on detection devices that are large, expensive, use a large amount of energy, and cannot easily be placed in or on a shipping container.

Jim Ryun

#15. I was the dark sky lit by stars.

Alice Bell

#16. He sold Syria way better than he sold this.

Bill Maher

#17. We talk about things. We talk about nothing.

Andre Agassi

#18. Sometimes you feel uncomfortable taking a photograph, but that's all part of the job.

Martin Parr

#19. What the mass media offers is not popular art, but entertainment which is intended to be consumed like food, forgotten, and replaced by a new dish.

W. H. Auden

#20. I don't want to say Monsanto is evil right off the bat, but why is Monsanto so evil?

Bill Maher

#21. My priority in life is my whanau, followed by my work as an artist, which has blessed me with the ability to provide opportunities working with others to advance the well-being of Maori.

Cliff Curtis

#22. Not long after we started working for him I asked Bernard if he thought Thatcher was evil,'I said. 'He said it was like asking what jazz is.

Jack Womack

#23. Every day in America is a day with a shooting.

Bill Maher

#24. That's not water. That's socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie.

Bill Maher

#25. I never give up on anything, because you come back around, and suddenly the thing you thought you'd never do is relevant.

Joss Whedon

#26. I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book.

Bill Maher

#27. Why shouldn't I be allowed to say stupid, outrageous things?

Sebastian Horsley

#28. The thing they're trying to stop is 30-million people getting health insurance. That's the substance.

Chris Hayes