Random Humorous Quotes

#1. Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Regina Griffin

#2. (About a cookbook ... )
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts.

Terry Pratchett

#3. How good a society does human nature permit? How good a human nature does society permit?

Abraham H. Maslow

#4. Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway.
'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.
'Naturally, you're a male. What you see is what you've got,' I said resentfully.
'Huh?' said Lester.

Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

#5. Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.

Regina Griffin

#6. I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.

Fakeer Ishavardas

#7. Some instinct - and I think it was a correct one - led me to do something difficult enough to give my life meaning.

Robyn Davidson

#8. Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.

Aziz Ansari

#9. How many beers do y'all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, 'Dude, bet you twenty bucks I can levitate a frog with a magnet?' ' Sam drawled.

Robyn Schneider

#10. In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

Nenia Campbell

#11. When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.

Nenia Campbell

#12. After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your head to see what's going on in there." I warned them, "If you spent five seconds in my mind you'd probably run out screaming and never speak to me again.

Mark W. Boyer

#13. If you feel you have a strong constituency among the young, you can really die happy, because the great unanswered question, the only valid value judgment is whether you're going to last, and that tells you that you are, for a bit at least.

Martin Amis

#14. When adding descriptions to your online listings or printed materials, lead with benefits and follow with features.

James Dillehay

#15. If the sun vexes you, your only recourse is to the blind yourself.

Harule Stokes

#16. No magnetic wombats, no flying hyenas, no catfish masquerading as samurai, and, MOST CERTAINLY, no Duku jam!

Gina Marinello-Sweeney

#17. Whichever you choose, you're the one who has to deal with the consequences. So make your decision wisely,

Darynda Jones

#18. We confess that Jesus is Lord. He is not simply Lord of a spiritual zone somewhere, but He is Lord of the nations.

Douglas Wilson

#19. It has become much harder, in the past century, to tell where the garden leaves off and pure nature begins.

Michael Pollan

#20. Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.

Regina Griffin

#21. Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA

Diana Hollingsworth Gessler

#22. People who always arrive early aren't worth waiting for.

Crystal Woods

#23. Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.

Leah Broadby

#24. Alongside my 'no email' policy, I resolve to make better use of the wonderful Royal Mail, and send letters and postcards to people. There is a huge pleasure in writing a letter, putting it in an envelope and sticking the stamp on it. And huge pleasure in receiving real letters, too.

Tom Hodgkinson

#25. Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Michael Hogan

#26. Ish #153 Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

Regina Griffin

#27. Servers can be fun! Knowing how to setup, run and administer a server can be as empowering as coding itself!

Anonymous