Random Humorous Quotes

#1. If the sun vexes you, your only recourse is to the blind yourself.

Harule Stokes

#2. Servers can be fun! Knowing how to setup, run and administer a server can be as empowering as coding itself!

Anonymous

#3. Ish #153 Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

Regina Griffin

#4. Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Michael Hogan

#5. Alongside my 'no email' policy, I resolve to make better use of the wonderful Royal Mail, and send letters and postcards to people. There is a huge pleasure in writing a letter, putting it in an envelope and sticking the stamp on it. And huge pleasure in receiving real letters, too.

Tom Hodgkinson

#6. Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.

Leah Broadby

#7. People who always arrive early aren't worth waiting for.

Crystal Woods

#8. Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA

Diana Hollingsworth Gessler

#9. Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.

Regina Griffin

#10. It has become much harder, in the past century, to tell where the garden leaves off and pure nature begins.

Michael Pollan

#11. We confess that Jesus is Lord. He is not simply Lord of a spiritual zone somewhere, but He is Lord of the nations.

Douglas Wilson

#12. Whichever you choose, you're the one who has to deal with the consequences. So make your decision wisely,

Darynda Jones

#13. No magnetic wombats, no flying hyenas, no catfish masquerading as samurai, and, MOST CERTAINLY, no Duku jam!

Gina Marinello-Sweeney

#14. Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Regina Griffin

#15. When adding descriptions to your online listings or printed materials, lead with benefits and follow with features.

James Dillehay

#16. If you feel you have a strong constituency among the young, you can really die happy, because the great unanswered question, the only valid value judgment is whether you're going to last, and that tells you that you are, for a bit at least.

Martin Amis

#17. After reading some of my stories, I once had a friend say to me, "I'd love to spend five minutes in your head to see what's going on in there." I warned them, "If you spent five seconds in my mind you'd probably run out screaming and never speak to me again.

Mark W. Boyer

#18. When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.

Nenia Campbell

#19. In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

Nenia Campbell

#20. How many beers do y'all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, 'Dude, bet you twenty bucks I can levitate a frog with a magnet?' ' Sam drawled.

Robyn Schneider

#21. Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.

Aziz Ansari

#22. Some instinct - and I think it was a correct one - led me to do something difficult enough to give my life meaning.

Robyn Davidson

#23. I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.

Fakeer Ishavardas

#24. Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.

Regina Griffin

#25. Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway.
'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.
'Naturally, you're a male. What you see is what you've got,' I said resentfully.
'Huh?' said Lester.

Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

#26. How good a society does human nature permit? How good a human nature does society permit?

Abraham H. Maslow

#27. (About a cookbook ... )
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts.

Terry Pratchett