Quotes About Secret Service

#1. I am still in touch with my Secret Service agents, most of whom are retired now. They really get to be your friends. They watched me grow up, and most of them had little kids, so I was kind of giving them a warm-up of what was coming.

Susan Ford

#2. The Secret Service once watched for people who fit the popular profile of dangerousness: the lunatic, the loner, the threatener, the hater.

Bill Dedman

#3. For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.'

Jay Leno

#4. Once the day's work starts there is little chance to walk, to ride or to take part in a game. Taking walks or rides early in the morning is a lonesome business, and the inevitable Secret Service guard when the president leaves the White House grounds is not enlivening company.

Herbert Hoover

#5. Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it's a drunk Secret Service agent.

Conan O'Brien

#6. [President Bush should] quit hiding behind the Secret Service, come out and face the nation and explain his failure to protect the country.

Peter Jennings

#7. I at once ordered a secret search within the city, for every Martian noble maintains a secret service of his own.

Edgar Rice Burroughs

#8. The truth is that no internal reviews or congressional hearings will change the Secret Service's broken management culture. It needs better leadership.

Ronald Kessler

#9. Let's give it up for the Secret Service. I don't want to be too hard on those guys. You know, because they're the only law enforcement agency that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot.

Cecily Strong

#10. Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A.

Conan O'Brien

#11. I got more whistleblowers from the Secret Service than I do anywhere else. And if you look at that department and agency, it's the one place you can never, ever, ever make a mistake - ever.

Jason Chaffetz

#12. I'm a special agent with the United States Secret Service." "You mean those guys who guard the president?" "That's only one of our duties.

Blake Crouch

#13. Most major domestic programs got more money this year, and they're used to reflect the priorities of the upcoming year. One good example is, the Secret Service is getting $268 extra dollars because it's a presidential election year and the agency's going to be under more demands.

Susan Davis

#14. The Secret Service agents had been trained to think of every possible scenario...but nowhere in any training or manual was it ever mentioned that the width of the door on Air Force One was just a few inches too narrow for a casket.

Gerald Blaine

#15. While I was in jail, they handcuffed me and took me to a backroom, where a detective from the FBI and a Secret Service agent were, and they interrogated me for about three or four hours.

Sherman Austin

#16. The original judgment of the FBI, the Secret Service, and the CIA was that there were three shots. I don't think that convinced us except as a statement by people, many of them who were familiar with ballistics. This question troubled me greatly.

John Sherman Cooper

#17. People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'

Jimmy Fallon

#18. It wouldn't be bad to have the Secret Service keeping an eye on my teenage daughter. I personally am not troubled by the fact that there would be a couple of big guys with earpieces beside her, just in case.

Marco Rubio

#19. Journalists must not be made accomplices by the secret service to solve its own problems.

Hubert Burda

#20. As nearly two dozen Secret Service agents and members of the military were punished or fired following a 2012 prostitution scandal in Colombia, Obama administration officials repeatedly denied that anyone from the White House was involved.

Carol D. Leonnig

#21. The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in. The other half was President Obama trying to get out.

Conan O'Brien

#22. To become a Secret Service agent, applicants must pass a polygraph exam. But after being hired, agents are never required to undergo regular lie detector testing again.

Ronald Kessler

#23. [Joe] Biden countered. He was speaking at a summit for working families, and he said he had no stocks, no bonds, or a savings account. He then asked a Secret Service agent to hand him his hobo bindle, and he jumped a freight train back to D.C.

Peter Sagal

#24. In 1971, near the middle of Nixon's first term, he approved a plan to install a White House taping system as a way of preserving an accurate chronicle of important discussions and decisions. Except for Nixon, three aides, and the Secret Service, no one knew about the listening devices.

Douglas Brinkley

#25. On a regular basis, to appease White House or campaign staffs, Secret Service officials order agents to ignore basic security rules and let people into events without being put through a magnetometer or metal detector.

Ronald Kessler

#26. With the selection of Acting Secret Service Director Joseph P. Clancy as the director, President Obama has guaranteed that the agency will continue to lurch from one shocking security failure to another.

Ronald Kessler

#27. Excuse me, Abigail, but whose shift did she get away during?' Townsend asked with a glare.
'Excuse me, Townsend, but who was supposed to booby-trap the doors?'
'I'm an agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service,' Townsend said, indignant. 'I do not do booby traps.

Ally Carter

#28. Well, they're going to elect that Superman Hoover, and he's going to have some trouble. He's going to have to spend money, but it won't be enough. Then the Democrats will come in. But they don't know anything about money.
[To his Secret Service man, Edmund Starling]

Calvin Coolidge

#29. Her Majesty's Secret Service wouldn't have me on the payroll.

Colin Farrell

#30. Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.

Craig Kilborn

#31. I've never met Eminem; you don't meet Eminem. He has his own secret service.

Chance The Rapper

#32. The White House encouraged Tom Brady to be more of a role model. They would've said more, but there was a drunken Secret Service agent streaking across the Rose Garden.

Jimmy Fallon

#33. What are you - Secret Service?'
'If I were, I wouldn't admit it.'
'And you're not admitting it, I notice.

Robert Goddard

#34. Living in the fishbowl is hard enough without worrying about a Secret Service that can't keep mum.

Eleanor Clift

#35. Having a baby is the single mos joyous co-experience that two human beings can share, and he wasn't going to miss a second of it.
He got one of the Secret Service men to videotape it for him.

Terry Pratchett

#36. The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the White House. So finally the Secret Service agents will have a drinking buddy.

Conan O'Brien

#37. When I was younger, I wanted to be a cop. Then I watched 'The Wild Wild West,' and so I wanted to be in the Secret Service like James West. At some point I realized, 'That guy is not in the Secret Service. He's an actor.' That sounds like a good idea too.

Woody Harrelson

#38. President Obama broke a world record after he reached a million followers on Twitter in just five hours. The only guys not following Obama? His Secret Service agents. They lost track months ago.

Jimmy Fallon

#39. Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers' strike. It was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

Argus Hamilton

#40. We have entered the era of the 'imperial' former presidency with lavish libraries, special staffs and benefits, around-the-clock Secret Service protection for life and other badges of privilege.

Lawton Chiles

#41. Right after the show tonight, I'm going to the New York City car show. You get to see the models that will be crashed next year by drunken Secret Service agents.

David Letterman

#42. So I'm in the American Secret Service? Damn."
"It was all reported in the press the next day.

Douglas Preston

#43. Then two identical Cadillac Fleetwoods (special Secret Service cars flown in from the US) and the President sitting in one of them. Which one was kept secret. Or perhaps he was sitting in both, Harry thought. One for Jekyll and one for Hyde.

Jo Nesbo

#44. He looked like a cross between The Terminator and a secret service agent - a really hot secret service agent.

Sara Humphreys

#45. Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White House. It's the same thing that is happening to Hillary.

David Letterman

#46. Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign, but he has asked the Secret Service if they could continue to provide him protection, at least until his wife cools off.

David Letterman

#47. In a recent interview, Michelle Obama said that the Secret Service taught Malia how to drive. In exchange, Malia taught the Secret Service how to throw a party when her parents are away.

Conan O'Brien

#48. There was word that a Secret Service man and a Dallas policeman were dead - so the plot must be widespread.

Jim Bishop

#49. To reform the Secret Service, the agency needs a director from outside the agency who will be immune from that culture and not beholden to entrenched bureaucrats within the agency.

Ronald Kessler

#50. All women are lifelong members of the Secret Service...So, if you must lie, better make sure you cover your tracks because there is no such thing as a 'dumb blonde'...

Virginia Alison

#51. I was extended secret service protection during my presidential run in 1984, when I received the most death threats ever made toward a candidate.

Jesse Jackson

#52. The information that the Secret Service shared with the White House included hotel records and firsthand accounts - the same types of evidence the agency and military relied on to determine who in their ranks was involved.

Carol D. Leonnig

#53. The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.

Jay Leno

#54. The Secret Service I'm really excited about because Matthew Vaughn directed it. I've done a couple of movies with him - Stardust, which is one of my favorite films, and Kick-Ass, which is just a crazy, wonderful movie.

Mark Strong

#55. Agents who have left the Secret Service to join other federal law enforcement agencies report that training in firearms and counterterrorism tactics in those agencies in many cases far exceeds the quality of what the Secret Service offered.

Ronald Kessler

#56. I don't know if I'd want to be a Secret Service agent. In the movies, it's exciting and romantic and all that. Really, most of their job is standing in a hallway for 12 hours making sure somebody doesn't come through a doorway off of a stairwell.

Dennis Quaid

#57. The acting director of the Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, said they may make the fence around the White House taller because of the recent security failures. When asked if he had any other ideas, he said, 'Uh, make the sidewalk lower?'

Jimmy Fallon

#58. Earl Moncrief, the butler, built his financial, procurement, and secret service organizations with the brute power of cash and a profound understanding of clever, malicious, discontented people who lived behind servile facades.

Kurt Vonnegut

#59. James Bond had very little to do with the navy at all: it was a convenient front. Bond was secret service from the start ...

Henry Chancellor

#60. Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

David Letterman

#61. President Obama has appointed a new head of the Secret Service. The new Secret Service director was so excited that he jumped over the White House fence for joy.

Conan O'Brien

#62. Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

Andy Borowitz

#63. The Secret Service is a strange group. They don't really have a leader. It's not set up like a military. Each one is supposed to be able to act like a leader when something comes up.

Val Kilmer

#64. For the next several minutes we forgot about scones and lollipops and SATs and politicians and the Secret Service and hovered in a blissful place, population of two - Max and me. When I was kissing Max, the rest of the world, and all my problems faded away.

Cassidy Calloway

#65. The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB

Clive James

#66. When I first joined the Secret Service in 1983, I was right out of college, having spent the last two or three years of my college experience working as a police officer for the city of Orlando, Florida.

Julia Pierson

#67. President Obama spent Election Day away from any press coverage, attending closed-door meetings inside the White House. But on the bright side, it is nice to see some doors actually closed at the White House. It's a whole new Secret Service security thing.

Jimmy Fallon

#68. Secret Service agents detained an Iowa man with a gun who happened to be walking in a Des Moines park where President Bush was jogging. Were they out of their minds? White guys with guns put Bush in the White House.

Argus Hamilton

#69. St. Patrick's Day is the fourth biggest drinking day in America. It's not the biggest. It's right behind New Year's Eve, Fourth of July, or any Secret Service party.

David Letterman

#70. The members of our secret service have apparently spent so much time under the bed looking for communists that they haven't had the time to look in the bed.

Michael Foot

#71. I thought the Secret Service would protect me from the press, but they were at my house to protect me from assassins with guns, not with assassins with pencils.

Michael Reagan

#72. John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.

Andy Borowitz

#73. As you can imagine, with Hillary Clinton being here, security is very tight. The Secret Service has been here all day sweeping the halls, the offices, the hard drives ... It's tight.

Jimmy Fallon

#74. Had a way of looking one over without seeming to that any Secret Service agent would be proud of,

David Baldacci

#75. I'm an agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service. I do not do booby traps.

Ally Carter

#76. I have a secret thought from some things I have observed, that God may perhaps design you for some singular service in the world.

David Brainerd

#77. The real victory in all service is won in secret beforehand by prayer.

S.D. Gordon

#78. It was nearly impossible to keep anything a secret, especially from her
sisters, the youngest of whom - Hyacinth - could probably have won the war against Napoleon in half
the time if His Majesty had only thought to draft her into the espionage service.

Julia Quinn

#79. The Secret Intelligence Service I knew occupied dusky suites of little rooms opposite St James's Park Tube station in London.

John Le Carre

#80. For sixty years tens of thousands of clandestine service officers have gathered only the barest threads of truly important intelligence - and that is the CIA's deepest secret.

Tim Weiner

#81. Desperate people are dangerous people.

Bob Ritter

#82. The secret of life is in love the love of God and the service of humanity.

Sivananda

#83. We did not lack for religious leaders to urge us into "godly" war [ ... ]. All of this was part of a well-financed propaganda campaign on the part of British agents. As usual, the government of the United States was being "run" by the British Secret Intelligence Service.

Eustace Mullins

#84. It was the secret of advancement in the service: Always be on the side of what is going to happen anyway.

John Jackson Miller

#85. The secret to sucessful customer service starts with YES!

Jeffrey Gitomer

#86. SIS, the Secret Intelligence Service, also known as MI6, also has no executive powers and operates abroad on CIA lines, but with a tiny percentage of the budget and a tiny percentage of the personnel.

John Le Carre

#87. I have made no secret, either privately or publicly, of any sense of outrage over officially enforced military and war service. I regard it as a duty of conscience to fight against such barbarous enslavement of the individual with every means available.

Albert Einstein

#88. To obey the Lord unseen - in secret - is the foundation of genuine godly service.

K.P. Yohannan

#89. After I spent my compulsory army service in the 'top secret office' of the Medical Forces, where I was fortunate to be exposed to clinical and medical issues, I enrolled to the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.

Ada Yonath

#90. [The Soviet State Security Service] is more than a secret police organization, more than an intelligence and counter-intelligence organization. It is an instrument for subversion, manipulation and violence, for secret intervention in the affairs of other countries.

Allen W. Dulles

#91. The best kept secret in the global economy today is this: When your service is AWESOME you get so stinking rich you have to buy new bags to carry all the money home.

Tom Peters

#92. i see a young man with potential. A young man who is loyal. Who can do as he is asked and who wants to do something good with his life.

Harry Hart

#93. She knew his secret: for all his wandering, his independence and his unorthodox ways, he took his responsibilities very seriously. He even borrowed others' responsibilities, making them his own simply because he thought this sort of service was owed to those whom he loved.

Meredith Duran

#94. Not money, or success, or position or travel or love makes happiness,
service is the secret.

Kathleen Norris

#95. On Foreign Secretary Robin Cook: If a man cannot keep a measly affair secret, what is he doing in charge of the Intelligence Service?

Frederick Forsyth

#96. You know, the dirty secret in the Director's Guild is that the average life expectancy of Director's Guild members is 57 years old. The stress level is so high and directors are generally really out of shape, cause they sit in the chair and they eat craft service.

Eli Roth

#97. We've got to be of service first before we can expect money.

Earl Nightingale