Quotes About Lawyers Funny

#1. We broke up in eighth grade when Tara-Mae Forrester offered to let me touch her boobs. And I did.

Emma Chase

#2. Only the subject's individual consciousness can testify for the unwitnessed acts, and there is no act more deprived of external testimony than the act of knowing.

Olavo De Carvalho

#3. Am I suggesting that you must feel sorry for divorce lawyers and prepare to pay every penny of their fees? Of course not! You deserve justice, and the lawyer can be lured into delivering said justice at a seriously discounted price!

Portia Porter

#4. I think the most important thing any artist can do is to constantly push themselves and improve their craft.

Ami Vitale

#5. Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damagers awards.

Jodi Picoult

#6. Tell me," said Miss Fuller, "who is behind a great woman?" She looked around our circle, then stopped at me. "That's right. No one. She has to get there by herself.

Lynn Cullen

#7. I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.

John Roberts

#8. What if the person you're meant to be with lives in another time?

Alexandra Monir

#9. You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!" Kennedy hisses.
"And you have the chest of one.

Emma Chase

#10. What do you call 500 lawyers lying on the bottom of the Ocean? A good start..

Danny DeVito

#11. I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed

Bo Burnham

#12. You don't want to say somebody did a great job of acting. You want to say, "Where did he find that person? How did he get that factory worker to come out of the factory and be on camera?" You want to believe that person is real.

Ronee Blakley

#13. The rich hire lawyers and accountants for a reason - to pass the tax bill on to you.

George W. Bush

#14. Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march.

Elbert Hubbard

#15. There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake.

Robert J. White

#16. In third grade I thought I loved her - by sixth grade, I was sure of it

Emma Chase

#17. See, you not only have to be a good coder to create a system like Linux, you have to be a sneaky bastard too.

Linus Torvalds

#18. Myself," said the drone sniffily, "I have never been able to see what virtue there could be in something that was eighty percent water.

Iain M. Banks

#19. What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.

Natasha Leggero

#20. It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and to talk by the hour

Thomas Jefferson

#21. Nuclear Weapons aren't much of a threat, today; compared to Families of the world, going Nuclear.

Aniruddha Sastikar