Old Wife Sayings

#1. The philosophy of the common man is an old wife that gives him no pleasure, yet he cannot live without her, and resents any aspersions that strangers may cast on her character.

George Santayana

#2. I aspire to be
an old man
with an old wife
laughing at old jokes
from a wild youth.

Atticus Poetry

#3. There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Benjamin Franklin

#4. The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that an old man has for his old wife.

Will Durant

#5. A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.

Jimmy Fallon

#6. Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. There are three faithful friends in our life,an old wife,an old dog and ready money. A real friend is one who always warms you.
Love is blind. Friendship close it eyes.

Benjamin Franklin

#7. The understanding smile of an old wife to her husband is one of the loveliest things in the world.

Booth Tarkington

#8. The house embodied for him the general blessedness of his life, which was manifest, really indisputable....he spoke of the house as if it were an old wife, beautiful for every comfort it had offered, for every grace, through all the long years.

Marilynne Robinson

#9. The proud little man was accompanied by three discreet touches of male vanity: a gold watch chain hanging from his dapper white waistcoat, a polka-dotted silk cravat held tightly to his high collar by a pearl stickpin, and his thirty-six-year-old wife.

Bill Dedman

#10. That was the fun of acting, being a blank canvas you could transform into the character - Indian princess, 20s vamp, Mother Courage, Oxford don, 94-year-old wife.

Diana Quick

#11. At the time the world was all upside down. The American people were beginning to move around a lot. The old hometown ties had been pretty much broken. The theme of Farmer Takes a Wife appealed to people. Everybody was homesick. And it sold and sold and sold.

John Gould

#12. When I came there I found all my family gone, for the Indians had killed five people in the winter near that place, which frightened my wife and family away to Roanoke about 35 miles nearer in among the inhabitants, which I was informed of by an old man I met near the place.

Christopher Gist

#13. If he hadn't been my father I would have loved the spectacle he created-one performance following quickly upon another-like a versatile old vaudevil-lian with his audience (wife and children) in the palm of his hand.

Maureen Howard

#14. or less in bits. Constance, his wife, was then twenty-three years old,

D.H. Lawrence

#15. As a group, housewives to-day suffer more from social isolation and loss of purpose than any other social group, except, perhaps, the old.

Alva Myrdal

#16. Who lives in true poverty - The janitor who is grateful for the chocolate chip pancakes his 6 year old helped his wife prepare for dinner, or The CEO who is ungrateful for the type of wine served with his 5-star meal?

Julia Rose

#17. I'm thirty-nine years old. I've got a wife that I can't get rid of. I've got varicose veins. I've got five false teeth.

George Orwell

#18. My wife changes the way that I dress. She makes me dress nicer than I want to dress. I feel like I perpetually dress like a 14-year-old boy, and she makes me stand up straight and wear clean clothes.

Adam Driver

#19. I take my dog to the vet a lot because he's old and sick, and I always step on the scale when I'm there. Let's just say shirts that were once button-able are no longer. I'm constantly being roasted by my wife.

Ike Barinholtz

#20. Godfrey's wife Charmian sat with her eyes closed, attempting to put her thoughts into alphabetical order which Godfrey had told her was better than no order at all, since she now had grasp of neither logic nor chronology.

Muriel Spark

#21. It's snowing some today and Marilla says the old woman in the sky is shaking her feather beds. Is the old woman in the sky God's wife, Anne? I want to know. Mrs.

L.M. Montgomery

#22. The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"

Jerry Seinfeld

#23. Never tell. Not if you love your wife ... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I didn't know what I was goin' to do ...

Lenny Bruce

#24. Do you wanna know the secret to picking the right guy? All you need to do is to find one that makes you laugh and keep him. I may be 72 years old, but, in my head, I'm still the same young madcap I was at 20, and my wife and I have been together for as long as I can remember!

Someone

#25. I'm trying to figure out how to record at home because I have a tiny house and a seven-year-old and my wife also works at home. So I can't work in the house because she's trying to write, so I pitched a tent in the backyard. I'm literally trying to record in the tent.

Matt Berninger

#26. One thing we're going to focus on is the middle class and the crushing prices and stagnant wages they're facing. What motivates me is looking at my 3-year-old son and thinking about what we're passing on to him and his future wife and their future kids.

Bobby Schilling

#27. I got into guitar because no parent will buy their eight-year-old kid drums unless they're divorced and trying to get back at their wife. You know what I mean?

Josh Homme

#28. My wife, Daniela, and I live in an old house from 1810 with three fireplaces at the end of a dead-end dirt road on Cape Cod, so I turn the trees into firewood for us and a friend of mine sells the rest.

Sebastian Junger

#29. She told me once she envied the women who lived back in the good old days who only had to worry about Indians and mountain lions killing their husbands. Something about those things being beyond a wife's control.

Tawni O'Dell

#30. The wife reads about something called "the wayward fog" on the Internet. The one who has the affair becomes enveloped in it. His old life and wife become unbearably irritating. His possible new life seems a shimmering dream. All of this has to do with chemicals in the brain, allegedly.

Jenny Offill

#31. He tells old wives' tales much to the point.

Horace

#32. Opposite her, calming his peaceful hunger, was old Jacob, a man who had loved her so much and for so long that he could no longer conceive of any suffering that didn't start with his wife.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

#33. My wife makes fun of me by calling me a grandpa because I have very little patience for inconsiderate children. So if we're walking in the mall, and some kid goes by really fast on a skateboard, I become the grumpiest eighty-five-year-old man in the world and start screaming at them.

Rob McClure

#34. It is a great honor to be awarded a Nobel Prize. This is a wonderful experience for my wife Betty and me. We received congratulations by email, phone and post, many from old friends we had not seen for some time.

Willard Boyle

#35. and I lived on rum, I tell you. It's been meat and drink, and man and wife, to me; and if I'm not to have my rum now I'm a poor old hulk on a lee shore, my

Robert Louis Stevenson

#36. Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Johnny Carson

#37. Ain't too young for nothing." "In some societies that would be true. Different places. Different times. You'd be old enough to be a wife and mother.

Karen Marie Moning

#38. My wife was of slight stature and weighed no more than a box of old books. Folded as she was, she fitted snugly into the trunk.

Stephen Livingston

#39. I met my wife when we were 15 years old. I knew within 15 minutes of meeting her, that's who I wanted to marry.

Justin Allgaier

#40. Before taking her into the library, my wife told me she was an old friend in a marriage crisis. A fatuous lie; at her age there are no crises left in marriage, only acceptance and extraction. (General Villiers)

Robert Ludlum

#41. I got me a fine wife and I got me old fiddle, when the suns coming up I got cakes on the griddle. And life ain't nothing, but a funny, funny riddle.

John Denver

#42. When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.

Bill Cosby

#43. In 1910, eighty-two-year-old Leo Tolstoy flees from his wife and dies in a railway station of exposure.

Jon Winokur

#44. Well, who wants to die in bed?" "You did, you always said. Of extreme old age, in bed, with somebody's wife." "Mine, by preference," Cazaril

Lois McMaster Bujold

#45. Well, and you may have lived in the courts of the Old Lord, and you were accounted beautiful, but I have been a man's wife and I have borne him sons, and you are still a slave.

Pearl S. Buck

#46. In the old days, one married a wife; now one forms a company with a female partner, or moves in to live with a friend. And then one seduces the partner, or defiles the friend.

August Strindberg

#47. There was a whole display set up of all the X-Men paraphernalia. My wife couldn't resist telling this 5-year-old boy that I was Wolverine. The little kid looked up at me and he was staring at me.

Hugh Jackman

#48. I've got a 15-year old son and a 10-year old daughter, and if they were going to do one of the following things: be an alcoholic; be a drug offender; beat their wife or husband; or gamble. I hope they would gamble.

Pete Rose

#49. I had a friend, Melissa, who was 28 years old. She was my best friend's wife, and she was my wife's best friend. She died of breast cancer. When she passed away back in 2004 was the last time I cried.

Jason Aldean

#50. My judgement is not good when I am on a book tour. I am not thinking about it that much. What happens is I will go back home. I have a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old and a wife who is now taking care of them who is wondering where her husband is.

Michael Lewis

#51. I don't have kids. Maybe that's kept me young. I have a wife for almost 50 years and she looks after me a little bit like I was seven years-old.

Christopher Walken

#52. Every night, I say goodnight to the kids like Rajesh Khanna, muah muah, two kisses, say goodnight to my wife, and every night, I'd go to the recreation room and watch cricket with two old men.

Cyrus Broacha

#53. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs." "Narborough wasn't perfect," cried the old lady.

Oscar Wilde

#54. An old liar told me here
To think ahead and save my money.
I should have spent it on ribbons.
I should have learned the tune my dead grandfather played
When the daft wife heard him resounding
In the deep pine woods in early November.

Menzies McKillop

#55. I was seventeen years old, a married woman without real responsibilities, miserable about my mixed-up emotions, afraid there was something awfully wrong with me because I didn't enjoy being a wife. Worst of all, I didn't have enough to do.

Mary Martin

#56. The manic pursuit of success cost me everything I could love: my wife, my three children, some friends I would have liked to grow old with.

Sammy Davis Jr.

#57. Bachelors' wives and old maids' children are always perfect.

Nicolas Chamfort

#58. Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him?

~ Susan

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#59. the smile of a man who has a new wife and a new son and a new house and two new cars and who only has to put up with his old, original kids for another hour or two.

Jennifer Niven

#60. Old Peter Grimes made fishing his employ; His wife he cabined with him and his boy, And seemed that life laborious to enjoy.

George Crabbe

#61. I wouldn't be caught dead marring a woman old enough to be my wife.

Tony Curtis

#62. No matter how old you are or how long
or short!
you've been married, the day you accelerate your growth in the Lord is the day your marriage is positively impacted, improved, and strengthened!

Jim George

#63. I play an 89-year-old man whose wife has Alzheimer's in a movie called 'Still.' I play a World War II veteran, I acted with my son and it's called 'Memorial Day.'

James Cromwell

#64. Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, Ok Jerry?

Denis Leary

#65. Left with an oncoming headache, went home, and that's verified, to his wife and six-month-old baby. He's three weeks into a big, fat raise and promotion. He doesn't fit for me."
"Lucky for Whistler, and likely his mother?"
"What? Why?"
"Weak joke. So back to your corporate trio.

J.D. Robb

#66. I have two sons, ages 38 and 25 in Texas, and my wife and seven year old daughter here in Nashville. On New Year's I'd rather be with them.

Delbert McClinton

#67. Penard's got a secret baby!' Fifteen-year-old Richard twisted his lips up at one end. 'Maybe he has a secret wife in the attic!

Olivia Newport

#68. I believe I've got the best of both worlds - a modern man with old fashioned values. I'm happy to be a house husband but won't let my wife carry her own bag.

Ian Watson

#69. You know what? I feel my book is kind of pointless. I didn't want to do a book, but rather than tell the same old stories over and over when my wife Angie and I are out at parties, I could just hand out a bunch of books, and she won't have to hear them ever again.

Al Jourgensen

#70. His wife. Gods above.
He was over five hundred years old - and this... this girl, young woman, she-devil, whatever she was, had just bluffed and lied her way into a job. A sword-thrower indeed.

Sarah J. Maas

#71. How the fuck would I explain that to ER personal? Yeah, my wife doesn't fuck me anymore. So I went in search of my old porn collection, but I guess I had one too many.

Alexia Stark

#72. I love to go to casinos with my wife. I play poker, and she's an old-fashioned slot queen. She even has a visor.

Patrick Wilson

#73. Next door, there's an old man who lived to his nineties and one day passed away in his sleep. And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days and passed away. I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong.

Ben Folds

#74. I knew I wanted to be a performer and do comedy at 5 years old. My dad's wife, Marlene Rosenbaum, was boiling water and she goes, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I said, "A comedian." And she laughed and laughed because she thought that was the cutest, funniest thing ...

Sandra Bernhard

#75. My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Robert Orben

#76. Fred at six years old thought her the nicest girl in the world, making her his wife with a brass ring which he had cut from an umbrella.

George Eliot

#77. For love? What antediluvian notions you have! Can one talk of love in these days?" said the ambassador's wife.
"What's to be done? It's a foolish old fashion that's kept up still," said Vronsky.

Leo Tolstoy

#78. An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.

Winston S. Churchill

#79. I called my wife into my office, because I needed to tell her that I had a 24-year-old son, although we have been married for 28 years. I had no idea what her reaction would be, but I had to hope for the best.

Shvonne Latrice

#80. We must regard Sarah Palin as the Carmella Soprano of the GOP
an enabling wife of organized crime, who sees, hears and speaks no evil of the boys in her old-boy network for whom she does this ideological lap dance.

Cintra Wilson

#81. My children range in age from 5 to 31. We adopted the 5-year-old, but people are often impressed with my wife before knowing that.

Kevin Cramer

#82. Dad," I said quietly, "I've always made it a rule in my life not to pick fights with children, cute animals, or ignorant old men. I will, however, make an exception for you if you ever touch or insult my wife again.

Richelle Mead

#83. As the story goes, Albert Einstein's wife Elsa remarked, upon hearing that a telescope at the Mount Wilson Observatory was needed to determine the shape of space-time: Oh, my husband does this on the back of an old envelope.

Edward Frenkel

#84. Old wives' tales are not enough in a day when old wives and old men, too, are constantly moving away from their labours.

Vincent Massey

#85. My wife says OBE stands for Old Big 'Ead.

Brian Clough

#86. The wife of your youth is the blessing of your old age.

Matshona Dhliwayo

#87. In 'Tarahumara' land, there was no crime, war or theft. There was no corruption, obesity, drug addiction, greed, wife-beating, child abuse, heart disease, high blood pressure, or carbon emissions. They didn't get diabetes, or depressed, or even old: 50-year-olds outran teenagers.

Christopher McDougall

#88. I'm just like any other regular mum; cooking, cleaning, wiping butts, picking up after kids, being a wife and helping the kids with their homework. Mind you, I'm terrible at maths. I can't even do my six-year-old's maths homework with her.

Gwyneth Paltrow

#89. I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.

Mark Twain

#90. The argument between wives and whores is an old one; each one thinking that whatever she is, at least she is not the other.

Andrea Dworkin

#91. I had no money to start,
For Jack decreed in his pride:
The Caveman's wife didn't work -
It was his job to provide.

A brief reminder right here:
Let men believe they are shrewd,
But even women of old
Embroidered mittens for food.

Joyce Rachelle

#92. First things first: Marie Antoinette never said, 'Let them eat cake.' Those words were attributed to an earlier French Queen, Marie-Therese, the wife of the Sun King Louis XIV. By 1767---a year in which Marie Antoinette was still an innocent German-speaking twelve-year-old in Austria....

Kris Waldherr

#93. I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

Rodney Dangerfield

#94. From yon blue heaven above us bent, The grand old gardener and his wife Smile at the claims of long descent.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

#95. I've just finished a book called 'The Time Traveler's Wife', which I really enjoyed, but that's quite old, but I have read it. I've read it, and I enjoyed that.

Rupert Evans

#96. I believe that a healthy body breeds a healthy mind. I am 74 years old now and my wife, Niso, is 38 years younger than me. She absolutely insists that I take regular exercise with her.

Wilbur Smith

#97. I began playing Monopoly for real when I was 26 years old. Today, my wife and I have approximately 1,400 little green houses - each paying us monthly. You do not have to be a rocket scientist or have a Harvard degree to play Monopoly for real.

Robert Kiyosaki

#98. If I did not have my wife, I wouldn't be married, I wouldn't have the life that I have and I wouldn't have my wonderful baby boy who's not a baby anymore - he's going to be eight-years-old.

Brian Littrell

#99. Don't settle down into an "old married man" while you are still in the prime of life. Take your wife out and about; give parties; visit your friends; and you will keep much younger than if you settle into the smoking-jacket and slippers habit.

Blanche Ebbutt

#100. I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to have my old girlfriend's name. So call me old-fashioned, but this fella does what the Bible tells.

Jim Gaffigan