Masturbated Quotes

#1. I'll come straight to the point. Last night, for the first time, I masturbated in a completely uninhibited way. I thought all the things I'd never dared to think, I took pleasure in things that before frightened or repelled me.

Paulo Coelho

#2. You know, I observed a man who masturbated until he bled. Did he want to do that?

David Wong

#3. I've masturbated like 5 times in the last 24 hours ... it hurts ... it's going to fall off.

Tom DeLonge

#4. I went to the bathroom and masturbated - hard to kill a man like that with a Bomb?

Charles Bukowski

#5. I was like one of the boys in school who flap their legs frantically under the desk. I always had this weird feeling between my legs and I had no idea what it was. I didn't know girls masturbated. I never touched myself or anything ...

Patti Smith

#6. She was my first crush. The first woman I ever masturbated about. My first Mrs. Robinson-like, older-woman fantasy. Sister Mary Beatrice Dugan. Yep, you heard me right - she's a nun. But not just any nun, kiddies. Sister Beatrice was a NILF. I don't need to spell that one our for you, do I?

Emma Chase

#7. You condition a vulnerable boy at puberty to become aroused by brutality. It's the violence, not the nudity. Frankly, I wouldn't mind if every teenage boy had a subscription to Playboy. They'd be looking at attractive naked female bodies while they masturbated, not eviscerated female bodies.

Park Dietz

#8. Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes ... with salad tongs.

Zach Galifianakis

#9. Writing is like masturbating when you have just masturbated. It's not fun. But it has to be done, or else people would not have anything to read while they sit on the toilet.

Ed Rosenthal

#10. You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited ... and for me it was between the two buildings going down ... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.

Louis C.K.

#11. The machine masturbated and we had to take it or die.

Harlan Ellison

#12. God knows who we became when we masturbated. It was like our desire was a spirit that possessed us and took over.

Heather O'Neill

#13. I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause you run into somebody. "Oh, she knows ... " You got to take some time alone to process the shame.

Louis C.K.

#14. I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.

John Mayer

#15. Every action in the present defines future possibilities.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#16. Insufficient oxygen means insufficient biological energy that can result in anything from mild fatigue to life threatening disease. The link between insufficient oxygen and disease has now been firmly established." -Dr. W. Spencer Way, Journal of the American Association of Physicians.

Ronald L. Knaus DO

#17. It seems like the opportunity just increases exponentially. There doesn't seem to be much stopping.

Martin Mull

#18. Most teachers of the humanities lived itinerant lives, traveling from city to city, giving lectures on a few favorite authors, and then restlessly moving on, in the hope of finding new patrons.

Stephen Greenblatt

#19. Don't hustle old people.

John Burns

#20. All stories are love stories.

Robert McLiam Wilson

#21. An unmarried adult who cannot navigate the welfare system has no choice but to work, but a married working parent is constantly evaluating the relative merits of staying home with the kids versus bringing home that second paycheck.

Philip Greenspun

#22. There are so many unbelievable words ... But that doesn't mean I have a favorite word.

Brett Hull

#23. Also, I'm always learning better and better how to prioritize and how to leave certain things for the next day.

Lisa Loeb