I Am Not Single Funny Quotes

#1. Face Book keeps asking me to complete my relationship status; I doubt it has the soul of a gossip magazine column's starving journalist.

Shahla Khan

#2. Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#3. I have 4 kids already, I don't need anymore. I'm a single parent. I'm taking them through Europe and make them play funny instruments.

Ville Valo

#4. It was 10:30 in the morning and I was already running behind. This is hardly unusual, but it pisses me off every single time.

Julie Powell

#5. I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls ...

Hiroko Sakai

#6. Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Robin Williams

#7. Funny to think that every day you have ever lived is a yesterday, and you will never live one single tomorrow. But then again, every day is a today when you're living it.

Mik Everett

#8. A funny and insightful read, which every single girl can relate to.

Take A Break

#9. Raphael met Michaela's gaze. "If you could kill every single beautiful woman in the world, would you?"
Her smile never faded. "In an instant.

Nalini Singh

#10. It's not that I think I'm some kind of prize.
No, wait, that's not true. I do think I'm some kind of prize. I'm smart and occasionally funny and I'm pretty. I don't see why I should spend long dates with some guy who expresses himself in single syllables and wants to go to slasher movies.

Michael Grant

#11. Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.

Habeeb Akande

#12. Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids

Harvey MacKay

#13. I hated meeting people at bars when I was single because it's all about the looks and the funny line.

Sam Yagan

#14. Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out.

Alex Ferguson

#15. Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.

Steve Coogan

#16. I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder.

Brittany Snow

#17. She's strong! And scary ... I bet she's single ... I'd put money on it..

Masashi Kishimoto

#18. I don't sit down to write a funny story. Every single thing I sit down to write is meant to be sad.

Lorrie Moore

#19. I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.

Dave Barry

#20. If you ask who I aspire to, well, if a single line of mine was as funny as P. G. Wodehouse can be, that would be great.

Nick Harkaway

#21. France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

P. J. O'Rourke

#22. Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there.

Will Rogers

#23. Is this your boyfriend?" the first nun asked.
Clair Olivia looked me up and down. "No. This is my gay friend who decided he was straight and single-handedly wrecked havoc at an all-boys school in Massachusetts this fall. He's gay again and home for Christmas, so yay!

Bill Konigsberg

#24. It's funny how you take things like electricity for granted. You hit the button that turns everything on and it just comes on. You get used to that and it just works every single time. So what happens when it suddenly doesn't? things very well could get messy.

Robin Burks

#25. I'd like to say I'm not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie.

Lisa Daily

#26. Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

Steven Wright

#27. I'm going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour."
Finbar rolled his eyes. "And they'll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them.

Derek Landy

#28. And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

Robin Williams

#29. The point of the list wasn't just to tick items off and forget about them, it was to learn something new.

Lindsey Kelk

#30. Renaissance cowboy/raconteur Pop Wagner ... deadpan funny ... his presence is like meeting Woody Guthrie and Will Rogers riding a single, many colored horse. Pop is a kind of 'textile genius' who is able to spin, at once, both yarn and rope.

Ron Miles