Top 71 Humor Sci Fi Quotes
#1. Clarke's First Law - Corollary: When, however, the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by distinguished but elderly scientists and supports that idea with great fervor and emotion - the distinguished but elderly scientists are then, after all, probably right.
Isaac Asimov
#3. My perfectly measured ingredients should have mixed and turned into an epic lava. Instead it looks like an outtake from an old sci-fi movie. Green goo has killed my volcano. My chance to win the science fair at Sendak has been slimed!
Angela Cervantes
#4. The Law of Logical Insanity: Anything that can easily be explained using common sense and rational thought is probably too simplistic and therefore false and untrue.
Ian Strang
#5. No good deed goes unpunished - Oscar Wilde
Allen Mack
#6. I was on the floor. "Um, a little help?"
Christopher put his hand down. Martini cleared his throat and Christopher's hand retracted.
"I can handle it, thanks."
"There's nothing amorous about pulling someone off the floor," Christopher muttered.
"There is when I do it.
Gini Koch
#7. I'm the terrorist, do what I say or I'll terrorize you.
D.J. MacHale
#8. It's you," she murmured, staring at his eyes, a fine, dove gray.
He smiled. "Of course, it's me. Let's get you back to your boat.
Cheryl Sterling
#9. Thing is, I am not a big fan of hovers. I firmly believe that if man was meant to fly we'd have feathers, rubber bones, or better insurance coverage.
John Zakour
#10. You bastard, stop that whistling and fight me like a man!
John Zakour
#11. I focused the power from my armor into my leg and kicked the door in. The metal and plastic fibers splintered and the hinges ripped free from the wall.
"By the way, boss," HARV said. "I believe that the door was unlocked.
John Zakour
#12. Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index.
Jasper Fforde
#13. We lifted up and then bobbed.
"Back! Pull it back!" (Christopher)
"It's hard." (Kitty)
"The ground is harder!" (Christopher)
Gini Koch
#14. The Law of Chaos: Any activity or event that seems to lie beyond the boundaries of possibility will usually be the first thing to occur.
Ian Strang
#15. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, you're probably in the wrong bathroom.
Robert Leland Taylor
#16. Kitty, do you have the bottle?"
"In my purse. Which is in my room. Not that I think I can find my room from here."
"I'll get it," Martini said. He stood up and disappeared. Ten seconds later he was back, bottle in hand.
"What kept you?"
"That purse gets worse every time I look inside.
Gini Koch
#17. The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.
Douglas Adams
#18. Just my luck: My bloodthirsty killing machine was better with both kids and women than I was.
Mark L. Van Name
#20. Carol, I thought you didn't liked playing with the minds of normal people."
"Yes, but the press don't count as normal."
"She's got you there," HARV added.
John Zakour
#21. No thanks," I answered, "I never take rides from strangers, thugs who've tried to kill me or people with poor personal hygiene. Congratulations, by the way, for being the first person to qualify in all three categories.
John Zakour
#22. A woman stood on the sidewalk, her arms outstretched and her face turned to the sky. Sheer enjoyment splashed across her features, its intensity tugging at his heart. It was a raw emotion he rarely witnessed.
Cheryl Sterling
#23. How bad is it?"
"The story is only just now being reported, but let's put it this way," HARV said. "The bag is now clearly catless, and there's a very foul odor coming from the fan.
John Zakour
#24. Yes," Lisa said with the usual blank honestly. She frowned. "Was that a sincere question? Or a scolding rhetorical question akin to Harilotecca's speech patterns?
Ash Gray
#25. May they run free forever and grow back their limbs!
Henry Mosquera
#26. The princess turns to him, serious. 'You are the one my great-grandfather spoke of: a denizen of Earth wearing a dirty apron who falls down a shaft and lands in sticky goo to lead the Brundeedle race out of Woe Time.':
Eric Laster
#27. I smiled, reached into my pockets and pulled out a pair of ultrapowerful earplugs, the kind that are standard issue for skyway construction workers, artillery soldiers, and roadies for the thirty-five most popular teen boy bands.
John Zakour
#28. The cybernetic operation?"
"No, the sex change."
The doctor's smile faltered.
"I'm joking.
Marissa Meyer
#29. So, what you're basically telling me is death is boring but no worse than hanging out with family.
John Zakour
#30. Dave had been fun when they'd first dated. Then impending fatherhood had sobered him at the same time Mickle and Company had crooked its finger, turning him from Mr. Right to Mr. Wrong.
Cheryl Sterling
#31. 'Foo Kyu' is just a very unfortunate cultural coincidence."
"Just think about his poor son, 'Foo Kyu Two.'
John Zakour
#32. The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.
George Lucas
#33. Stupid Ape: I had to quantify this with the word "stupid" so as not to offend the ape community. Large of limb, impotent of intellect, he was the kind of guy who lettered in leg-breaking at thug school but flunked the written exam because he didn't know which end of the e-pencil to use.
John Zakour
#34. How, exactly, did I kill him? He died on the golf course." One minute he'd been practicing his swing, and in the next - phzzt - a freak lightning bolt had hit him right in the nine iron. His shoes were still smoking when she reached him.
Cheryl Sterling
#35. You've never had wok-seared spicy broccoli until you've had takeout trans-temporal wok-seared spicy broccoli delivered by a copy of yourself.
Magnus Von Black
#36. Three lights should be fine." - Zachary
"Aye, well if it wis me, I'd want a bloody lighthoose beacon comin' oot o' my arse." - True MacDonald
Steve Alten
#37. Yeah, but will it hurt?"' I asked.
"This is science, Zach," Randy said, reassuringly, as he tilted my head back and lowered the lens to my eye. "Of course it will hurt.
John Zakour
#38. The door to Jakes' office slammed against the wall, and Vivi barreled through the opening. "Turn this ship around right now.
Cheryl Sterling
#39. I can tell you that she's not breathing," he said. "She has no heartbeat and all organ function and brain activity have stopped. Also her body temperature is now at seventy-three degrees."
"So you're saying that she's dead," I said.
"Well, I can't prove it, but, yes, I am leaning that way.
John Zakour
#40. His hand snapped shut over the device and then he crossed his arms. Aria stared in horror. Her Smarteye was buried in a Neanderthal's armpit.
Veronica Rossi
#41. The Tanakee are thought to possess strange, almost supernatural powers.Their eyes are described as large and hypnotic. From Tribe of the Teddy Bear
J. Joseph Wright
#42. As a matter of fact, Ona spent more credits on the window shades alone than you will make in your entire lifetime and that's if you live to be 185."
"And that's meant to make me feel better?" I said.
"No, that is meant to inform you. I am your computer not your nanny.
John Zakour
#43. I told you it was easy," HARV said.
"True, but you say that about everything."
"That's because everything is easy for me."
"Everything but humility."
"No, that's easy, too. I just choose not to practice it.
John Zakour
#44. HARV, can you help at all here?" I asked, spinning downward.
"I am writing your obituary. Well, not so much writing it as updating it," HARV told me.
If I lived, I was going to kill HARV.
John Zakour
#45. Walking into Nova Hollywood, I remembered why I didn't come here more often. I like a good slice of cheese as much as the next guy, but this place would be too cheesy for a giant mutant rat who had been starving for a week.
John Zakour
#46. Or maybe go sci-fi. You sorta look like that guy who roamed outer space everybody's so crazy about."
"Malcolm Reynolds?" asked Rook.
Richard Castle
#47. I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
Steven Wright
#48. From her own life experience Keldaren knew that loveable hunks were in short supply anywhere in the galaxy, loveable hunks who knew her were an extinct species, and that more marketing companies than friends had her phone number.
L.L. Watkin
#49. Great Gates almighty," HARV said inside my brain. "I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.
John Zakour
#50. Do I really run like that?" (Kitty)
"Yup," Martini confirmed. "Don't worry, I think it's sexy."
"Thank God. I think I look like a cheetah on drugs.
Gini Koch
#51. Forget it," I said. "Opie could be bloodthirsty, rabid, radioactive, and selling life insurance and he'd still be preferable to listening to the two of you.
John Zakour
#52. What song would lull a snake into submission? "John Mayer?"
"Over my dead body."
"Could be, Tim, could be.
Gini Koch
#53. The Law of Moronic Ubiquity: Anything in the universe that is generally considered to be idiot-proof will eventually be ruined by an idiot.
Ian Strang
#54. I want that little blonde bitch in the lobby to hear me screaming your name.
Aaron B. Powell
#55. My number one fear is heights. Well, not so much the heights but the falling from heights. Actually the falling isn't that bad (I have a strong heart), it's the sudden stops that are painful. Believe me - I experienced it once.
John Zakour
#56. Vivi stood and crumpled the report. "Who's the CEO at Slakerian?"
"Jakes Echabarne," her assistant said, not glancing at any notes.
"Arrange a meeting." No one messed around with Hunting4TrueLove, whether she held the reins or not.
Cheryl Sterling
#57. The story of how I left Huckleberry begins
as do all worthy stories
with a goat
John Scalzi
#58. What mental hospital have you escaped from?" She wanted to laugh, but he looked so serious. "Prove you're an alien. Rip off your disguise. Show me your antennae. Where's your union card?
Cheryl Sterling
#59. A woman with long, blonde hair stood for a moment on the other side of the door. She looked similar to his date. Was she entering or leaving the coffee house?
Before Paul could confirm her identity or stand and run after her, she strode away and disappeared in the crowd.
Cheryl Sterling
#60. Twoa said, obviously still in my brain. "It was my pheromones," she said defensively. I looked up at her; she was sniffing herself. She looked down at me. "Okay, maybe it wasn't ALL the pheromones," she admitted. "Nobody makes a good deodorant for superheroes.
John Zakour
#61. Tammaru's office looked like NASA's control room designed by Donald Trump.
K.L. Tharp
#62. Kidnapping is a harsh word."
"But accurate. I assume you're not going to hang around Mars until I fix the software bug, if a problem ever existed. I'm on a one-way voyage to Slakeria, right?
Cheryl Sterling
#63. You're somethin' else, Hel. Know that? Dodged the sea toad, got rescued off that damned comet, bisected ol' Bron Elgar like a bagel out there on Cravat ... How the hell you get away from those damn fish down in the Glory Hole? Man, you got more lives than a New York alleycat.
Julian May
#64. You ever flown something before?" (Christopher)
"I hold the highest score at A.S.U. for Star Wars: Starfighter." (Kitty)
"I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm going to regret this." (Christopher)
Gini Koch
#65. In accordance with the terms of the Clarke-Asimov treaty, the second-best
science writer dedicates this book to the second-best science-fiction
writer.
[dedication to Isaac Asimov from Arthur C. Clarke in his book Report on Planet Three]
Arthur C. Clarke
#66. Thomas: Is it [my brain] fixed?
Brenda: It worked, judging from the fact that you're not trying to kill us anymore ...
James Dashner
#67. Please stop sniffing the robot boy, Noemi tells herself, jerking out of the trance.
Claudia Gray
#69. Sheriff, are you suggestin' the victom was kidnapped?"
"I'm only statin' that, at this time, we have no body, only nonvital body parts ...
Steve Alten
#70. Jakes nodded his dismissal. "Workable. Set up a meeting."
Mitchel stood. "Who would you like to send, sir?"
He smiled. "Ivy, I've neglected my duties as commander of The Baldain. I'll transport down to Earth and handle this matter myself.
Cheryl Sterling
#71. There are seven and a half billion people on this earth - somebody's got to get sucked into a vortex.
Jenine Wallach
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