Top 26 Humor Phones Quotes
#1. I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."
Steven Wright
#3. The poet is the supreme artist, for he is the master of colour and of form, and the real musician besides, and is lord over all life and all arts.
Oscar Wilde
#5. Phones with numerical keypads worked best for dialing phone calls. Incidentally, phone calls tend to be the primary function of a phone. 'Smartphones' completely ignore these basic facts, resulting in some of the least intelligent devices I've seen yet. Oh the irony.
Ashly Lorenzana
#6. I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh ... "
Steven Wright
#7. Water adopts the shape of its receptacle, it is sometimes a trickle and sometimes a wild sea.
Miyamoto Musashi
#8. You ever drive up to the pharmacy window and they ask you, "Can I have your phone number?"
Sure all I get on it anymore are political calls, and people doing polls. Maybe it's difficult for people that work at pharmacy drive up windows to get phones.
Neil Leckman
#9. I was no longer in the mood for hamburger phones and a whacked out girl named Juno.
Alexandria Rhodes
#10. As the author you know how you want it to appear on screen and it's always the content dictating the form.
Woody Allen
#11. I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn't.
Khaled Hosseini
#12. Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
#13. My own party can succeed at the polls only so long as it continues to be the party of militant liberalism.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
#14. He just hoped Meg leading the way didn't mean all the blood prophets would do strange things to their hair.
Anne Bishop
#15. I borrowed a hammer and the garage and disposed of both phones. I was pretty sure that I could have just pulled the batteries, but pretty sure wasn't good enough, so I used a hammer.
Patricia Briggs
#16. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
#17. I have Shakespeared my Moliere to Tenessee, and I am Wild for Becket!
But I got a little tired of the redundancy.
Natasha Tsakos
#18. Look at the world and think about a catastrophic disaster where the cell phone towers went dead. How would you ever be able to 'TEXT your next door neighbor to see if they were okay
Stanley Victor Paskavich
#19. Nothing is erotic that isn't also, with the wrong person, revolting, which is precisely what makes erotic moments so intense: at the precise juncture where disgust could be at its height, we find only welcome and permission.
Alain De Botton
#20. Think about that. Two hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the phones?
George W. Bush
#21. She started dialing his cell, then hung up and tried the landline
maybe Margaret was a better bet to pick up; their parents' generation still felt morally obligated to answer phones.
Rainbow Rowell
#22. Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
Dylan Moran
#24. When I started out in the late '80s, my act was pretty terrible, and for years, I kind of toiled in obscurity. I don't believe in a hierarchy in comedy; I feel that a person deserves respect the first time they get onstage, and after that, they just have to be funny and get more consistent.
Andy Kindler
#25. At least there's a political input, but when you put on the robe, at that point the politics is over.
Stephen Breyer
#26. This grown man who now phones his father to say, Motherfucker, I ain't seen pussy so long, I'd throw stones at it.
David Sedaris
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