Hilarious But True Quotes

#1. Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Carroll Bryant

#2. It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.

Bill Watterson

#3. But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore.

Jonathan Dunne

#4. When she and Wren divided up their clothes, Wren had taken anything that said "party at a boy's place" or "leaving the house." Cath had taken everything that said "up all night writing" or "it's okay to spill tea on this."" (pg. 189)

Rainbow Rowell

#5. I don't remember being a keen reader, but apparently I was. My aunt told me that whenever I was teased for reading, I would say, "To each his own."

Sefi Atta

#6. That a universe exists within every human being. That to the blood cells and organs in your body, you are god. That this universe is only one individual among infinite others.

Peter Tieryas

#7. How could a merchant lead people? Did not merchants have to focus on their wares? It was ridiculous.

Robert Jordan

#8. A million dollars? A bit much don't you think?"
"Fuck you."
Caleb smiled, the self indulgent little shit. "My apologies," he mocked with a slight forward bow, "What I meant to say is: no pussy's that good. Though yours does come close.

C.J. Roberts

#9. It's the originality of Pauls Toutonghi's voice and vision that makes this such a remarkable novel. Toutonghi is a true daredevil of a writer, and this fantastically hilarious and affecting book will have you on the edge of your seat.

Skip Horack

#10. I think Damien Hirst is hilarious. And I think he's a true artist. He's not hilarious first; I think he is a real artist, and I also think he's got an amazing sense of humor.

Jemima Kirke

#11. I love you, I said, but not out loud.

Craig Clevenger

#12. God help him if any of them ever came true. Why, he'd be a two-headed, three-toed, monkey-nosed, blind son of a cesspit-licking lackey is she had her way.

Kinley MacGregor

#13. For someone's character to grow, it has to be free from internal attack. Falling down never stopped children from developing. But getting yelled at, criticized, and put down can stop them for life.

Henry Cloud

#14. The only person that deserves to ask for miracles is someone who is qualified.

Sunday Adelaja

#15. There are few things more discomfiting than a spontaneous outburst of genuine decency from someone you're determined to dislike for no good reason.

Gregory David Roberts