Funny Wind Up Sayings

#1. Here you are. Would you like some pickles?"
"Pickles gives me the wind something awful."
"In that case - "
"Oh, I wasn't saying no," Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

Terry Pratchett

#2. Bad weather's moving in," the old bird said, finally handing me a check.
Never seen so many tornadoes in my life.
We don't need no more of those," I agreed. "Last time one went through, the wind blew so hard I had to have my butt cheeks sewn back together.

Nick Wilgus

#3. We walked on the moon. We made footprints somewhere no one else had ever made footprints, and unless someone comes and rubs them out, those footprints will be there forever because there's no wind.

Frank Cottrell Boyce

#4. My brain is a vast, barren, jokeless plain where wolves howl at the moon over rocky overhangs and the wind kicks up twists of sand and tumbleweed.

Craig Silvey

#5. I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it.

Rita Rudner

#6. Broken Wind believed that we are traumatized as babies by intestinal gas or colic. The great shaman invented a technique called "gastral projection" to help release these traumas. His philosophy was simple: "To air is human ... but to really cut one loose is divine.

Swami Beyondananda

#7. Oliver has stated many times his dislike of hearing advice from his younger sister, so it is his own fault if he has not got sense enough to see which way the wind is blowing.

Patricia C. Wrede

#8. He [Gen. Douglas MacArthur] was a great thundering paradox of a man, noble and ignoble, inspiring and outrageous, arrogant and shy, the best of men and the worst of men, the most protean, most ridiculous, and most sublime.

William Manchester

#9. Byron clapped Walter on the back. 'Good work,' he said.
Walter shook his head. 'You're the one who clocked her with the Stephen King hardcover. That took some of the wind out of her.'
'Thank heavens he's a wordy man,' said Byron.

Michael Thomas Ford

#10. His eyes narrowed on her and the bag. "Why?" he asked cautiously, afraid she was trying to steal his treats.
Just what kind of sick game was she playing?

R.L. Mathewson

#11. Hip-hop as a culture itself goes through stages. It grows - it's breathing, living. I've noticed that we usually start off conscious, then we wind up very highly sexual, and then we thug it out. Then things get a little funny again, with comedy and that kind of thing.

KRS-One

#12. A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

Frank Carson

#13. Nana's French knickers were surely a symbol of liberty and abandonment, worn only by women who didn't care for conventional frills or superficial nametags. Those french knickers were flags blowing in the wind, like a statement of victory.

Diana Janney

#14. Lobo: "Hmph! Never figured I'd wind up in heaven...A bad-ass dude like me!

Spirit Guide: "It happens sometimes. The "Infinite Mercy" clause is only used in extreme cases.

Keith Giffen

#15. It's like one of those scenes from a feel-good Hollywood movie. Where everybody is happy and nobody's hair fizzes in the wind. Where it doesn't rain, your shoes stay comfortable all day, and everybody's jokes are funny.

Randa Abdel-Fattah

#16. Truth was funny, because it was an insistent thing, maybe as powerful and insistent as some force of nature, the push of water or wind. You could keep it out only so long, but it had its own will and its own needs, and maybe you could keep it at bay with lies, but not for long, not for always.

Deb Caletti

#17. Doubtless these are inconsequential perplexities. Still, inconsequential perplexities have now and again been known to become the fundamental mood of existence, one suspects.

David Markson

#18. The truly holy person welcomes all that is earthly.

Hildegard Of Bingen

#19. That is a fart without wind ... in reference to when you can't back up what you say. very funny.

Faye Kellerman

#20. Unreasoning prejudices are bred out of the continual living in the past

Prentice Mulford

#21. You support me when I falter, and give me strength to bear the pain of my past. You make me laugh until I hurt, and soothe me when I'm tied up inside. It's funny how things work out, how life can throw curveballs, yet two people wind up exactly where they're supposed to be.

Kristin Miller

#22. University is a wonderful opportunity to find out not just much more about the world, but much more about yourself, too.

Robert F. Goheen

#23. It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.

Art Buchwald

#24. I stopped at a stop sign at the end of the street, and Margo said, "What the hell? Go go go go go," and I said, "Oh, right," because I had forgotten that I was throwing caution to the wind and everything.

John Green

#25. I would love to interview Michael McKean and his wife, who wrote the songs for 'A Mighty Wind,' which is my favorite Christopher Guest movie. I'm just a sucker for any funny guy that has a wife who is intelligent and that he collaborates with.

Julie Klausner

#26. I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Billy Connolly

#27. If you're driving your car and someone winds the window down and gives you the finger and calls you an asshole, instead of giving him the finger back and calling him an asshole back, you just pull a funny face, and he doesn't know how to react to that, because you're using different rules.

Steve Coogan

#28. It takes more than genius to keep me reading a book.

E.B. White

#29. Because I was, and I remain, utterly and completely and totally ... in love with you.

J.R. Ward

#30. Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind.

Mario Puzo

#31. It makes sense for Japan to pursue a more independent role in the world, following Latin America and others in freeing itself from U.S. domination.

Noam Chomsky

#32. Each day is a new opportunity. Yesterday is over and done. Today is the first day of my future.

Louise Hay

#33. When I caution you against becoming a miser, I do not therefore advise you to become a prodigal or a spendthrift.

Horace

#34. Of course, the wind sort of swept up and the music was flying around in mid air and they were trying to play off it. You had to be there. It was quite funny.

Roy Wood