Funny Where Have You Been Quotes

#1. Fuck, Ranger said.
Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open..

Janet Evanovich

#2. We may have been like needles in a hay stack, but they were like needles ... in a stack of needles

D.J. MacHale

#3. I've been blessed to have done different roles, but I don't think people see me as funny.

Dustin Diamond

#4. She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people.

Robertson Davies

#5. You know, I've always wrote my best stuff when it takes me hardly any time at all. Actually I wrote ... this is actually a really funny story ... 'Ghost Of Vincent Price', I've been wanting to write a song about Vincent Price coz he's one of my favorite characters of all time.

Wednesday 13

#6. It was a well-known fact that Lorna was leaving in six months' time, since Lorna had been leaving in six months' time for close to twenty-five years.

Danielle Wood

#7. The U.S. team has swept all the medals in the skeet shooting event. So despite our bad economy, it's nice to know our country has never been safer from an attack of skeets.

Conan O'Brien

#8. You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'

Robin Williams

#9. So I watched the Pink Panther last night, and so I'm trying desperately to be funny, and then it's just not working out so good ... I wonder if maybe I could've been a comedian or something like that, or maybe I could've been a doctor, then I wouldn't have to make anyone laugh.

Dave Matthews

#10. 'Ugly Betty' has been the most important thing I've ever done, easily. I was able to do more with one character than I can ever imagine doing again - Hilda was hilariously funny and emotionally deep ... I really got to showcase what I could do with a character.

Ana Ortiz

#11. I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.

Andy Weir

#12. Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.

Erica Jong

#13. Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully.

Ralph Bakshi

#14. This may sound funny, but as much as the 'Today' show matured me, it also was something of a cocoon. I'd been happy there. I never went into the boss's office and pounded my fist on the desk, saying, 'Give me more money! Give me a prime-time show!'

Jane Pauley

#15. It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you.'

Eric Clapton

#16. Hey!" He snapped out of his musings as Destiny's hand trailed down his body to cup his less than interested cock through his trousers. "Claws to self, Vampira, I assume you brush your teeth twice a day but I have no idea where those hands of yours have been.

Jane Cousins

#17. Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

Bob Hope

#18. Kane narrowed his eyes. 'Where have you been all this time, Caitlin?' She could see the suspicion in his eyes, the accusation.

'Tied to a radiator.'

'What is it about you that makes people want to cuff you, huh?

Lindsay J. Pryor

#19. I have always been very fond of them (drama critics) ... I think it is so frightfully clever of them to go night after night to the theatre and know so little about it.

Noel Coward

#20. I'm not a big prank guy, because I don't like them done to me. I've been on movies sets where one guys goes into his trailer, and then people move the stairs, and he comes out of his trailer, and there's no stairs. That's not funny! I don't want to be that guy!

Terry Crews

#21. My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought.

Brendon Urie

#22. You realize you've been staring at me for the past five minutes?

Catherine Doyle

#23. I've endured my entire life struggling from a split personality. The problem is that the other guy, a wise guy named (Jack) ... has always been in charge.

Timothy Pina

#24. I've often been criticised, but never critically wounded

Johnny Rich

#25. Here's the funny thing about the response I've been aware of to my dating famous people: It's been very negative. I'm either not good-looking enough, not a good enough actor or not successful enough for these people.

Dax Shepard

#26. If the proper preparations have been made and the necessary precautions taken, any staged event is guaranteed success
Ethelred The Unready

Robert Asprin

#27. Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.

Charles Dickens

#28. Funny, there had been a time when building things was what America did. From massive dams to towering skyscrapers, from mechanized factories to moon rockets, the nation had created, had viewed that as part of the national identity.

Marcus Sakey

#29. We have never been strictly political, only strictly funny.

Adrian Edmondson

#30. Again Creb grunted. It was the usual noncommittal comment used by men when responding to a woman. It carried only enough meaning to indicate the woman had been understood, without acknowledging too much significance in what she said.

Jean M. Auel

#31. You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.

Abe Burrows

#32. I always loved that boy as if he'd been my
my
my own grandfather.

Charles Dickens

#33. America has become so tense and nervous it has been years since I have seen anyone sleep in church - and that is a sad situation.

Norman Vincent Peale

#34. You know what's funny about death? I mean other than absolutely nothing at all? You'd think we could remember finding out we weren't immortal. Sometimes I see children sobbing airports and I think, Aww. They've just been told.

Carrie Fisher

#35. Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know?

Sarah Silverman

#36. In the Catskills, nostalgia runs backwards. The upwardly mobile Jewish masses of the 1950s and 1960s have been replaced by the Jews of 19th century Poland.

Kevin Haworth