Funny Traffic Cop Quotes

#1. Funny how Underhill could get along with almost anyone, tuning down his manias to whatever the traffic would bear.

Vernor Vinge

#2. I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

Demetri Martin

#3. The only recognized purpose of marriage was to beget children for the service of the Party. Sexual

George Orwell

#4. I lived to learn that in the world of sport all men win alike, but lose differently;

James Weldon Johnson

#5. People tell me they don't know whom to believe anymore; they are confused. I tell them to believe the people who preach in their mosques and say on TV that they want to kill them. They usually follow through.

Brigitte Gabriel

#6. A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

Frank Carson

#7. Oh, I had, 'No one will ever fancy me!' I had that well into my teens. Even now I do not consider myself to be some kind of great, sexy beauty. I don't mind the way I'm ageing. No reason to panic just yet. I think I look my age, and that's fine.

Kate Winslet

#8. On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

Mitch Hedberg

#9. You cannot control faeries. Can. Not. They aren't logical or rational. They don't obey the same laws (physical, social, emotional, traffic - you name it) that we do.

Kiersten White

#10. Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"

Ellen DeGeneres

#11. There's simply no philosophizing without a love of wisdom, absolutely.

Cornel West

#12. I'm not the kind of guy who rides the same roller-coaster twice. Once is enough,and then the thrill is gone and so is the interest.

Emma Chase

#13. Stress is not a state of mind ... it's measurable and dangerous, and humans can't seem to find their off-switch.

Robert M. Sapolsky

#14. In the publishing world, most editors are probably women. So I don't see the publishing world as a male-dominated one, especially within fiction.

Emma Donoghue

#15. Childhood. I wish I had something to complain about.

David Letterman

#16. Never follow the crowd ...
Until and unless you're crossing the road ...

Sanhita Baruah

#17. I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

Milton Jones

#18. Well, I'm just glad some women watch it,' Dex says, turning his attention to the camera, perhaps feeling the animosity and low self-esteem just reeking from our pores.

Karina Halle

#19. For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets.

Michael Showalter

#20. What's a TH?"
"A Traffic Hazard," Heeb clarified.
"Oh you mean because the woman is so hot she'll take your eyes off the road?" Narc confirmed.
"Exactly.

Zack Love

#21. The problem isn't that Silicon Valley is keeping women down or not doing enough to encourage female entrepreneurs. The opposite is true. No, the problem is that not enough women want to become entrepreneurs.

Michael Arrington

#22. You don't drown by falling in water; you only drown if you stay there.

Zig Ziglar

#23. The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.

Dave Barry

#24. I'm just proud that I created something that helped me pay my bills because I was so flat broke. I was borrowing money from my mother to stay afloat, and that was kind of uncomfortable.

Marc Cherry

#25. Right on time, sugar." Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. "Traffic okay?"
"Yeah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven's Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing.

Jamie Farrell

#26. Nashville's like any other hometown - after a while, it's stifling.

Justin Townes Earle