Funny R&r Quotes

#1. I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips. - Author: R.L. Stine

#2. I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.
***
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug. - Author: R.L. Mathewson

#3. The story of money is very funny. Others burn what we earn. Why not give as we live, so the world will cry when we die. -RVM - Author: R.v.m.

#4. Rule number four for me as a writer? Plotlines are like sharks: They either keep moving or they die. ~J.R. Ward - Author: J.R. Ward

#5. I came in several times and spoke, but perhaps you were asleep when I thought you were awake.'
'You are very considerate to explain it this way,' Sugreeva said, 'but I was drunk - Author: R.K. Narayan

#6. Leonard had let them go alone with the young boy who Ali was now convinced, was a couple falafel's short of a picnic - Author: L.R. Currell

#7. It's very hard to find a good child actor. There are a lot of child actors out there, especially in America, and they're cute kids, but most child actors appear on sitcoms where their main role is to be cute and make funny little remarks. - Author: George R R Martin

#8. Dammit. I think I'm in like with the naked man I met today. - Author: R.J. Gonzales

#9. I invited Onyx to be my plus one. Of course she was all in when I added that Grandma A had a massive swimming pool and was within a short driving distance to a two-story bookstore. - Author: K.R. Grace

#10. ...and yes that was meant to be interpreted in a sarcastic bubblegum tone complete with clapping and jazz hands. - Author: K.R. Grace

#11. Obviously, it's a great privilege and pleasure to be here at the Yale Law School Sesquicentennial Convocation. And I defy anyone to say that and chew gum at the same time. - Author: Gerald R. Ford

#12. No laws: to break, or to follow. Do anything you want. Which does funny things to you. Very quickly, surprisingly quickly, you become-" [ ... ] "exactly who you are. - Author: Samuel R. Delany

#13. It's because you're looking in the wrong place," Lassiter said.
"You can go now."
"Every time you say that, it brings a tear to my eye."
"Funny, mine too."

-Lassiter & Tohr - Author: J.R. Ward

#14. David Mamet's writing is pretty spectacular, obviously. I like the honesty of it; I like how funny it is and how sad it is. - Author: T. R. Knight

#15. You know, I said I have this problem that I need to more carefully read Akron's text because it's too much, too much fantasy, and so I am busy with other stuff - it's funny, it's nice to hear that someone is studying that carefully and now I know a little bit more about that. - Author: H.R. Giger

#16. Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back. - Author: J.R. Ward

#17. There were a lot of R&B groups that were my heroes, but the funny thing about my career and the way it went and where it went, at first I didn't really want to do pop music. I was a little bit more into jazz and R&B. - Author: Frankie Valli

#18. The American audience has really opened up to women being A.) funny and B.) kinda crude. 'Bridesmaids' is R-rated, and I think it was a major coup for women to have an R-rated comedy that did really well. Same as 'Bad Teacher.' - Author: Chris Pratt

#19. I found her lying naked on the lawn at midnight, can I keep her? - Author: R. J. Anderson

#20. You can call me Grandpa, if that does it for you. - Author: R.K. Lilley

#21. How are you feeling?"
"Like I fell out a burning building onto pavement, you?" I grumbled.
"Like I was pushed out of a burning building by a maniac," she retorted, a small smile playing across her face. - Author: R.R. Virdi

#22. I wish I wanted you, Rehv.
He laughed dryly. Funny. I know just what you mean. - Author: J.R. Ward

#23. I actually feel like, for a lot of my career, I wasn't able to show my comedic range. I did a lot of dramas and dramedies. I was on 'E.R.' That's not generally thought of as a funny show. - Author: Busy Philipps

#24. He bent down so I could hear him over the music. "What are you doing here?" he asked with a hard tone.

Okay. Not the best first line. Something like, you look beautiful, have my babies would have been a little bit better. - Author: R.S. Grey

#25. I start laughing. You have to laugh. Life is just funny sometimes. As long as you remember. - Author: E.R. Frank

#26. Is there a reason why you're standing there, staring out the window and watching the neighbors? Are we preparing to kill them and drag them down to the basement and bury them alive? - Author: R.L. Mathewson

#27. But love had a funny way of giving you faith in the one who loved you back. And nothing was guaranteed in life, neither riches nor health. At the end of the day, you just had to let yourself go ... and the best place to land was in the arms of a good man. - Author: J.R. Ward

#28. I have started a new blog W.A.R.(Writers Amongst Readers) for all those writing or reading books. Quotes, excerpts, comments from the world's greatest writers. See robinhawdonblog - Author: Robin Hawdon

#29. Ella let out a squeal when I picked her up, "Jonathan!"
I loved carrying her around in my arms. After all, modern man is just an illusion, we're all still cavemen. We just wear better clothes now. - Author: R. Matthews

#30. So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R. - Author: Tim Vine

#31. While I was busy hating Vegas, and hiding from Vegas, a funny thing happened. I grew to love Vegas. - Author: J.R. Moehringer

#32. No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cute enough to kiss you. - Author: Frank Ocean

#33. Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day? - Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

#34. He gave me a rueful smile, his brown eyes so endearing. I could tell he was about to say something funny. I just knew him that well. That's like asking if I'm a fan of cancer. I fucking hate it, but do I know how to get rid of it? Not fucking likely. - Author: R.K. Lilley

#35. We were talking about the prince,' Sansa said, her voice soft as a kiss.
Arya knew which prince she meant: Joffrey, of course. The tall, handsome one. Sansa got to sit with him at the feast. Arya had to sit with the little fat one. Naturally. - Author: George R R Martin

#36. It's funny how Merry brings out everyone's jealous side."

I frown. "What's the appeal of a guy who barely reaches your belly button?"

"Think about what you just said. Carefully. - Author: Heather R. Blair

#37. Shaga: How would you like to die, little man?
Tyrion: In my bed, at the age of eighty with a belly full of wine and a woman's mouth around my cock. - Author: George R R Martin

#38. Now that I look back, I don't know why I was so stressed about it all this time. Funny how sometimes you worry a lot about something and it turns out to be nothing. - Author: R.J. Palacio

#39. You can call me Pastor-and before Mr. Sox Fan gets his panties in a wad, I want everyone to know I'm legit. I went online, took a minister's course in under an hour, and I'm ordained, baby. - Author: J.R. Ward

#40. I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. - Author: R.L. Stine

#41. I love Fidel Castro, I respect Fidel Castro, you know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that motherf****r is still here. - Author: Ozzie Guillen

#42. You belong in an insane asylum, you know that?"
"Maybe my next case... - Author: R.R. Virdi

#43. You spend your TIME to make a DIME. You lose your HEALTH to make your WEALTH, but at the end it is FUNNY because you leave back all your MONEY. - Author: R.v.m.

#44. Gotta be more specific sunshine." He winked at me before starting another.
"You might want to get that eye problem checked out. One might mistaken it for flirting. - Author: K.R. Grace

#45. Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.
- Jane - Author: J.R. Ward

#46. I remember when I took the role on E.R., I thought, 'I haven't really been able to play a working class woman. I've played girls, I've played funny, but I haven't played a working class woman. That sounds like something I'd like to do.' - Author: Linda Cardellini

#47. A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers. - Author: George R R Martin

#48. Such a funny thing death is for mortals. You cry. You morn. You grieve. You get angry. But death is not always tragic, dear one. Sometimes death is the ultimate expression of love. - Author: R.K. Ryals

#49. You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it's supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you're doing and make the action work for that and for the character. - Author: David R. Ellis

#50. Small men oft feel a need to prove their courage with unseemly boasts," he declared. "I doubt if he could kill a duck."
Tyrion shrugged. "Fetch the duck. - Author: George R R Martin

#51. For every guy who loves being a dad, there's another who realizes too late that he's created something his wife loves more than him. - Author: Mark R. Brand

#52. Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out. - Author: R.D. Ronald

#53. Funny how your life could be interrupted: You left a house expecting to come back, but then the path you were on took you left instead of around again to the right. How - Author: J.R. Ward

#54. It is funny how when you have been hurt in love and you fall in love again, every reason you have for loving that person is both enough and not, all at once. - Author: R. YS Perez

#55. Why can't I be admitted to the ... bosom of the operation?" I leaned toward him but almost started to laugh because "bosom" was such a funny word and my innuendo was more Tina Fey than Angelina Jolie. - Author: Claire Gillian

#56. R.F. JACKABY
INVESTIGATIVE SERVICES
ASSISTANT WANTED
-$8 PER WEEK-
Must be literate and possess a keen intellect and open mind.
Strong stomach preferred.
Inquire at 926 Augur Lane.
Do not stare at the frog. - Author: William Ritter

#57. It was funny how the monumental shit in your life tends to happen in slow-motion and at warp speed at the same time. - Author: N.R. Walker

#58. You know, it was just another presentation of my work, and a funny one, because the cards are quite different from the normal Tarot deck, no? - Author: H.R. Giger

#59. It's funny how there's a word like overprotective to describe some parents, but no word that means the opposite. what word do you use to describe parents who don't protect enough? underprotective? neglectful? self-involved? lame? all of the above. olivia's family - Author: R.J. Palacio

#60. A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder. - Author: A.R. Gurney

#61. Funny, there was a reason that people "built" lives together. Although the choices you made as husband and wife were not bricks, and time was not mortar, you were still constructing something tangible and real. - Author: J.R. Ward

#62. It was funny, in a twisted sort of way, that night I gained my future was the same night I lost my past. - Author: Kelley R. Martin

#63. Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.'
'What penis doesn't try to make you feel that way? - Author: R.J. Silver

#64. Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.'
'Girls don't shave', Arya said.
'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs? - Author: George R R Martin

#65. The phone beeped - M fine but these two guys R on me like cougars on Adam Lambert. - Author: Elisabeth Staab

#66. Funny enough, I sit on my porch all day, wave and smile at everyone. Some of them aren't sure, some smiles right back, some come back later and say; "This morning you made my day, had the best day all week, thank you for that!" Smile and wave, that's all it takes - Author: Martin R. Lemieux

#67. Fifteen birds in five firtrees,
their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze!
But, funny little birds, they had no wings!
O what shall we do with the funny little things?
Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot;
fry them, boil them and eat them hot? - Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

#68. There was a part of my brain that wanted to ask if his wife had a beard, verify my theory. I told that part of my brain to shut up. - Author: R.R. Virdi

#69. My bosses would be beyond pissed if tomorrow's New York Times read: "Solid gold tiger eats stupid couple who were taking photos of it with their camera phone. - Author: R.R. Virdi

#70. Hope is a deceitful cock tease and I don't trust that bitch - Author: Heather R. Blair

#71. Unfair suffering is never funny. - Author: Charles R. Swindoll

#72. Seriously, why was it tradition to stand when the bride came in? It blocked her from seeing her groom, who was the only reason she was there in the first place. - Author: K.R. Grace

#73. I was the kind nobody thought could make it. I had a funny Boston accent. I couldn't pronounce my R's. I wasn't a beauty. - Author: Barbara Walters

#74. Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you're one messed up mess."
"I know!" I exclaimed before breaking off into a fit of laughter. "I ought to be admitted or put on some serious medication or something. - Author: K.R. Grace

#75. My mouth felt funny. I must have smiled. Smiling, - Author: R. O. Barton

#76. Hell freezing over?
I don't know. But the devil's definitely wearing a sweater. - Author: J.R. Moehringer

#77. When I opened the door, Andrew was standing there like a remedy for heart palpitations. Or maybe he made them worse. It was hard to tell. - Author: N.R. Walker

#78. "It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground." - Author: Charles Dickens

#79. He laughed. "That's funny, 'I don't have any fire.' Everybody's got fire, kiddo. It's just a matter of finding the match that sparks it. - Author: Charles R. Smith Jr.

#80. HERE LIES THE MYSTERY PISSER


P.I.P. - Author: Wendelin Van Draanen

#81. First blood is mine.
Last blood counts for more.
Artemis Entreri and Drizzt Do'Urden - Author: R.A. Salvatore

#82. How do you know you're a mom? If you never have a Kleenex in your purse when YOU need it? L. R. W. Lee - Author: L.R.W. Lee

#83. I don't keep water in my pockets."

-Frodo Baggins - Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

#84. I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey - Author: R.J. Dennis

#85. You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. - Author: Al Franken

#86. Death is complicated."

-Johann Kraus - Author: John Arcudi

#87. Ronald Regan doesn't dye his hair - he's just prematurely orange. - Author: Gerald R. Ford

#88. Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go. - Author: George R R Martin

#89. Chalk again?" Cal seemed almost disappointed. "Too bad there's no chalk monster."
Penn snorted with amusement. Chalk monster. That was like saying it was a vampire. Everyone knew vampires didn't exist. Zombies who drank blood to stay alive. Ridiculous. - Author: R. Cooper

#90. Life is funny like that, making us pay for the same stupid mistakes even after we've learned from them thoroughly. - Author: R.K. Lilley

#91. Church's boss was a dick too--justice! - Author: R.R. Virdi