Funny Pocket Quotes

#1. Put me down, I'm too heavy."
"You're small enough to fit in my pocket.

Sarah Mayberry

#2. If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"

Chris Rock

#3. We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!

Josh Hutcherson

#4. Finite players play within boundaries; infinite players play with boundaries.

James P. Carse

#5. After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

Jim Gaffigan

#6. Nature, or anything that reminds me of nature, disturbs me; it is too large, too complicated, above all too utterly pointless and incomprehensible.

Aldous Huxley

#7. Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching
and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book.

Laurie Notaro

#8. I will always do stand-up, even if my acting career takes off. Stand-up is my life.

Chris Tucker

#9. Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

Frank Carson

#10. I was not born with English in my pocket.

Santosh Kalwar

#11. Where do you find a stomach on a Thursday afternoon in Reno? "Chinatown?" suggests someone. "Costco?" "Butcher Boys." Tracy pulls his phone from a pocket. "Hello, I'm from the university" - the catchall preamble for unorthodox inquiries.

Mary Roach

#12. India is a country in which every great religion finds a home.

Annie Besant

#13. He's [Gerald Ford] a nice guy but he played too much football with his helmet off.

Lyndon B. Johnson

#14. Bailey, where's your hat?"
"In my pocket, sir!"
"Why isn't it on your head?"
"Because I can't get my head in my pocket, sir!

Robyn Carr

#15. Most religion-mongers have bated their paradises with a bit of toasted cheese. They have tempted the body with large promises of possessions in their transmortal El Dorado. Sancho Panza will not quit his chimney-corner, but under promise of imaginary islands to govern.

James Russell Lowell

#16. I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!

Mitch Hedberg

#17. I would that we were, my beloved, white birds on the foam of the sea!
We tire of the flame of the meteor, before it can fadeand flee;
And the flame of the blue star of twilight, hung low on the rim of the sky,
Has awaked in our hearts, my beloved, a sadness that may not die.

William Butler Yeats

#18. Fame is a four-letter word. And like tape, or zoom, or face, or pain, or love, or life, what ultimately matters is what we do with it.

Fred Rogers

#19. Funny how often the Will of God puts a dollar in a pocket, said Dr. Ames.

Louise Erdrich

#20. I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

Henny Youngman

#21. For me, the short story is not a character sketch, a mouse trap, an epiphany, a slice of suburban life. It is the flowering of a symbol center. It is a poem grafted onto sturdier stock.

William H Gass

#22. Over the years, I have perfected the art of dancing and photographing at the same time: it's a great double act. If you're dancing, you are joining in. If you stand there rigid, you are not in the flow of things.

Martin Parr

#23. Seem like a lot of people wear shoes they can't walk in.

Alex Flinn

#24. Trust may be in short supply after years of disappointments. However, improvement could come in a bat of an eye!

Jon Jones

#25. I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, "I'm glad I ate that." I'm always like, "I'm gonna die! I paid for that? Did I eat it or rub it on my face? My back hurts."

Jim Gaffigan

#26. I do get funny people sometimes coming up to me in supermarkets in America with my picture in their pocket, which is a bit strange.

Saffron Burrows

#27. I've never felt so bereft and panicky. What do I do without my phone? How do I function? My hand keeps automatically reaching for my phone in its usual place in my pocket. Every instinct in me wants to text someone, 'OMG, I've lost my phone! ' but how can do that without a bloody phone?

Sophie Kinsella

#28. So if you see a star and he needs a little money So come on baby give it to him this isn't funny! Just reach into your pocket, and pull out some change, Come on baby help a star it's not strange!

Brad Sherwood

#29. After so long keeping to herself and tending her secret quietly, all these words just bubbled up out of her her like cool golden champagne.

Catherynne M Valente

#30. As a musician, we should always want to strive to be better, we can always make improvements. It's easy to get comfortable and it's easy to find your voice and your sound, but I always wanted to be better.

Eric Hernandez

#31. He's sitting casually at my kitchen table peeling the skin off an apple
with a pocket knife, a red apple that he has quite obviously appropriated from my fruit bowl, might I add.

L. H. Cosway

#32. Stuffing one muffin in his mouth and a second in his pocket, Auguste slipped into a side passage and away. He'd just take a wander 'round the city and hope some assassin made a merciful move.

Rachel Heffington

#33. Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

Rodney Dangerfield

#34. So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."

Chic Murray