Funny Odds Quotes

#1. I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

Jeff Foxworthy

#2. REX BRADEN AWOKE before dawn, just as he had every Sunday morning for the past twenty-six years - since the Sunday after his mother died, when he was eight years old. He didn't know what had startled him

Melissa Foster

#3. Q: How do you kill a hydra?
A: You strike at its heart.

Madeleine Roux

#4. I'm glad she's not faking affection. It's more honest than what her husband is doing, at least. Dislike is an emotion I can respect.

Amy Engel

#5. What happens over the next few months is like the plot of a children's movie, the kind where a dog finds its owner in spite of insurmountable odds and prohibitive geography.

Lena Dunham

#6. I love truthful songs that tell a story and talk about people and their lives. If a song calls for a tear, then we will cry. If a song calls for a smile, then we will laugh. That is what I like to do.

Gene Watson

#7. I like entertaining people. I like being on stage. I like being in the life. This is what I do. This is the only thing I know how to do besides rob people and fight. Even when I was robbing people, I was entertaining them. But that's just what I love doing.

Mike Tyson

#8. The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny.

Steve Coogan

#9. Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.

Emo Philips

#10. Look in at the Drones and ask the first fellow you meet 'Can the fine spirit of the Woosters be crushed?' and he will offer you attractive odds against such a contingency.

P.G. Wodehouse

#11. And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

Bo Burnham

#12. The wicked are always ungrateful.

Miguel De Cervantes

#13. Have you ever noticed?
people, no matter how beautiful or desirable, invariably will, if observed closely while going about their daily business of keeping alive, begin to seem like monsters.

Donald Antrim

#14. When we were kids we always used to say, 'Okay, whoever dies first, get a message through.'
When John died, I thought, 'Well, maybe we'll get a message,' because I know he knew the deal. I haven't had a message from John.

Paul McCartney

#15. You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

Jeff Foxworthy

#16. Before the first atomic bomb test, scientists took the time to calculate whether the blast would ignite the nitrogen in Earth's atmosphere and incinerate us all. The risk was low and the test went off, but Rees wonders what the odds would have had to be to discourage the bomb makers.

Dennis Overbye

#17. My mom always knew I would be able to take care of myself, but my dad was afraid.

Dominique Moceanu

#18. You care enough, that you want your life to be fulfilled in a living way, not in a painting way, not in a writing way ... you really do want it to be involving in living, corresponding with other living objects, moving, changing, that kind of thing.

Edie Sedgwick

#19. [Andrea] Leadsom has compassion ... a real steel and a real determination and that velvet glove of compassion that she really cares about people.

Iain Duncan Smith