Funny Guilty Sayings

#1. When I work, I'm just translating the world around me in what seems to be straightforward terms. For my readers, this is sometimes a vision that's not familiar. But I'm not trying to manipulate reality. This is just what I see and hear.

Don DeLillo

#2. I'm sorry I have issues with my boyfriend doing other men. I'm sorry I have issues with me doing other men. Why was I always being made to feel guilty because I wasn't having sex with more people? Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

Laurell K. Hamilton

#3. Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.

John Mortimer

#4. By studying human history, we can realize how much of human stupidity has fallen on fertile ground. Is gravity guilty for such an occurrence too?

Eraldo Banovac

#5. We each project to others a reflection of the world which includes our choices of perception.

Bryant McGill

#6. Blessed is He, and may He be blessed from the beginning and for evermore. And before Him there is no ceasing. He knows before the world was created what is for ever and what will be from generation unto generation.

Jay Winter

#7. I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.

Ron White

#8. It's funny how guilty people start to question your spirituality and education only because they have nothing to say that will justify their faults.

J.B. Albano

#9. The liberation of Iraq, which is already hard to justify from the perspective of American interests, at least had the virtue of freeing Iraqis from a brutal dictator. Despite all the anarchy and violence, life has gotten better for most Iraqis.

Timothy Noah

#10. Every dog has like me the impulse to question, and I have like every dog the impulse not to answer.

Franz Kafka

#11. The process of consumption ... is the final act in the economic drama

Kenneth E. Boulding

#12. Where even a falsehood must be told, let it be told.

Herodotus

#13. Maybe that's what we look for in the people we love, the spark of unhappiness we think we know how to extinguish.

Tom Perrotta

#14. If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.

Mitch Hedberg

#15. He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent.

James Dashner

#16. Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes.

J.K. Rowling

#17. Funny but, for me, the Bible was a hobby before it was a serious study. It was the thing I'd sneak off and do on the side, feeling rather guilty because I wasn't doing my real school homework or whatever ... and never thinking I would make it a life's work.

N. T. Wright

#18. I could always get by on a fake ID, calm face, and a smile. My sister could look guilty saying her prayers.

Huntley Fitzpatrick

#19. Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.

Erica Jong

#20. It's funny when people say something is "unreal" about something that is, in reality, real. I'm so guilty of it, it's real!

Ethan Luck

#21. It is not really hard to do nothing. Many can. The hard part is doing nothing without feeling guilty about it.

Haim Shapira

#22. Love asks us to enjoy our life
For nothing good can come of death.
Who is alive? I ask.
Those who are born of love.
Seek us in love itself,
Seek love in us ourselves.
Sometimes I venerate love,
Sometimes it venerates me.

Rumi

#23. How powerful is man! He is able to do all that God wishes him to do. He is able to accept all that God sends upon him.

Marcus Aurelius

#24. In eternity this world will be like Troy, I believe, and all that has passed here will be the epic of the universe, the ballad they sing in the streets.

Marilynne Robinson

#25. Oh. Well was this your first time painting a live model?"
She nodded her head, with an almost guilty look on her face.
"What's it like?"
"Hard," she replied.

Zack Love

#26. Forgive me now - tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.

Ashleigh Brilliant

#27. I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny.
I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.

Woody Allen

#28. I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it, and I feel guilty saying that, but it's the truth. I love my work, but it ain't easy.

Madeline Kahn

#29. Something about family and trying to relate it to the movie with, 'Oh, if I was to have a child how many kids do I want?' And 'do I want a boy or a girl?' I didn't realize you could place orders, I honestly didn't realize it was like a drive-through, that you could talk to a little electronic voice.

Jennifer Aniston

#30. To disarm the people is the best and most effectual
Way to enslave them.

George Mason

#31. If you are for a merry jaunt, I will try, for once, who can foot it farthest.

John Dryden

#32. I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.

Roy Bean

#33. You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like, "Hey, how's that book?" "I haven't read it." "Oh, did you just buy it?" "I've had it since high school." "Well, can I borrow it?" "No."

Jim Gaffigan