Funny Detective Sayings

#1. Honey, what's the Detective doing here?"

"Tag, you never told me Wayne was so funny!"

"Wayne?"

"That's me. Most detectives also have first names.

Jules Cassard

#2. It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story.

Agatha Christie

#3. Live today as if you were going to live forever, for you surely shall.

Gordon B. Hinckley

#4. Dana was what Steve called a "silent partner" in the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. Being a silent partner meant that Dana didn't carry a business card, that his name didn't appear on the company letterhead, and he wanted nothing to do with the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency.

Mac Barnett

#5. Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"

Bill Bailey

#6. It will not suffice to have customers that are merely satisfied. Customers that are unhappy and some that are merely satisfied switch. Profit comes from repeat customers - those that boast about the product or service.

W. Edwards Deming

#7. I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

Kinky Friedman

#8. I'm gonna ask ye ladies a question, and I bloody expect to be answered," he growled. "Who's the scoundrel been doin' some unwanted rootin' of yer cunts for pay?

Bey Deckard

#9. I didn't do anything," Scott protested. "Breaking and entering is nothing?" Detective Basso echoed. "Funny, the law disagrees.

Becca Fitzpatrick

#10. Then this," Grimm said, "is what I believe professional inquisitors refer to as a clue."
"In my considered judgment as an occasional inquisitor for the Spirearch," Benedict said, "I believe you may be correct.

Jim Butcher

#11. Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew - in jeggings.

Nenia Campbell

#12. Grace shivered even though it was hot out, because that's what detectives do in detective books.

Ella Minster

#13. I'm not gonna lie, I love the holidays. But Christmas was a lot more fun when you weren't paying for it.

D. L. Hughley

#14. You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated."
"I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for.

Derek Landy

#15. An isolated outbreak of virginity is a rash on the face of society. It arouses only pity from the married, and embarrassment from the single.

Charlotte Bingham

#16. You think batting your lashes is going to get you out of this?"

"Of course not. You're a married man, detective.

M. Kane

#17. Later in my life, I'm going to look back and smile and be very fulfilled. I know that if I don't give it my all right now I'll regret it later. That's very important to me, because I've worked all my life to have this.

Shania Twain