Top 100 Evanovich Quotes
#1. I checked my pocketbook to make sure I had the essentials... beeper, tissues, hair spray, flashlight, cuffs, lipstick, gun with bullets, recharged cell phone, recharged stun gun, hairbrush, gum, pepper spray, nail file. Was I a kick-ass bounty hunter, or what?"(Three to get deadly)Janet evanovich
Janet Evanovich
#2. I was shameless in my supermarket-shelf mass-market taste. I loved King, Evanovich, Grisham and Brown. I won't lie; the oficial-looking filing cabinet in the corner is actually stuffed full of my paperbacks.
Molly Harper
#4. It was a weird sensation. Like getting caught eavesdropping, or lying, or sitting on the toilet and having the bathroom walls suddenly drop away.
Janet Evanovich
#5. Ranger was grinning. "Somebody beat the shit out of this guy before he got shot."
"That would be me."I said.
"Babe,"Ranger said, the grin widening.
Janet Evanovich
#6. Damn, I thought everyone carried a gun in New Jersey!!!
Janet Evanovich
#7. Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots."
"Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him.
Janet Evanovich
#8. Not that I've noticed." She looked down at my gun. "What a nice Glock. My sister carries a Glock, and she just loves it. I was thinking about trading in my .45, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My dead husband gave it to me for our first anniversary. Rest his soul.
Janet Evanovich
#11. Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.
Janet Evanovich
#12. I failed math twice, never fully grasping probability theory. I mean, first off, who cares if you pick a black ball or a white ball out of the bag? And second, if you're bent over about the color, don't leave it to chance. Look in the damn bag and pick the color you want.
Janet Evanovich
#13. Think of this as an adventure, Diesel said.
I'm from Jersey. I get my adventure on the Turnpike.
Janet Evanovich
#15. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.
Janet Evanovich
#16. I'm a glass-is-half-full person now, and your sorry ass is still in half-empty country.
Janet Evanovich
#17. And in an instant I was pinned beneath him, which was not an entirely unpleasant experience once I realized it was Ranger. We were groin to groin, chest to chest, with his hands locked around my wrists. A moment passed while we did nothing but breathe.
Janet Evanovich
#18. I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
Janet Evanovich
#19. Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.
Janet Evanovich
#21. And Larry Burlew was a slug. She'd join the Foreign Legion before she'd marry Larry Burlew.
Janet Evanovich
#22. Holy bejeezus," Lula said, eyes bugged out, looking at the building. "This is scaring the crap out of me. This is like where Dracula would live if he didn't have any money and was a crack-head. I bet it's filled with rabid bats and killer snakes and hairy spiders as big as dinner plated.
Janet Evanovich
#23. I'd hate to list our specialties. Wreck cars, eat doughnuts, create mayhem.
Janet Evanovich
#24. I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionally mature.
Janet Evanovich
#25. Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record.
Janet Evanovich
#27. How was your day?" Morelli asked me. "Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.
Janet Evanovich
#28. I don't mean to be critical of the Trenton police," I said, "but wouldn't you think someone could catch this goddamn rabbit? He's riding around, handing out photos.
Janet Evanovich
#30. Fuck, Ranger said.
Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open..
Janet Evanovich
#31. It's a long story," I said. "The short version is Diesel and I are pretending to get married, so we can get Kloughn to marry Valerie." "Does Morelli know about this?" "It's pretend." "I'm not even gonna ask if Ranger knows. Poor ol' Diesel here be dead if Ranger knew.
Janet Evanovich
#32. I could use some help with an FTA.
What's your problem?
He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him.
Janet Evanovich
#33. All my adult life I've hidden behind mascara. And if I'm really insecure, I add eyeliner. (Stephanie, Chapter 10)
Janet Evanovich
#34. You were worried about me?" "No," Hal said. "I was worried Ranger would kill me if I lost you.
Janet Evanovich
#37. Now it's my turn," Riley said. "What's your first name? Where'd you grow up? Who's your favorite Batman?
Janet Evanovich
#38. Carried me into the bedroom and tossed me onto the bed. "Five minutes," he said, lacing his shoes.
Janet Evanovich
#39. Do you know what I did? I urrrrrinated on the cake at my ex-wife's wedding. Pissssed all over the icing.
Melvin Baylor - Seven Up
Janet Evanovich
#40. I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.
Janet Evanovich
#41. I rushed us out of your parents' house because I didn't think I could manage two hours at the dinner table with everyone focused on Joe Loosey's joystick sitting in the refrigerator next to the applesauce.
Janet Evanovich
#42. Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.
Janet Evanovich
#43. As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.
Janet Evanovich
#44. If you can't fool yourself," he said, "how can you expect to fool anybody else?
Janet Evanovich
#45. She switched the headlamp on and saw bats clinging to the side of the cave inches from her face. Someone whimpered. She supposed it was her. She switched the lamp off and played out the rope, dropping more slowly, trying to control the whimpering.
Janet Evanovich
#47. Damn skippy it's a flea collar. I'm not taking no chances.
Janet Evanovich
#48. Remember, so swashing anyone into the trunk of your car!"
"Sure," Lula said, "I know that
Janet Evanovich
#49. The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.
Janet Evanovich
#50. I wasn't always a writer. When I went to college and majored in fine arts, I was a painter. Then I was a stay-at-home mom.
Janet Evanovich
#51. It means that he looks like my boyfriend, but I don't say it out loud.
Janet Evanovich
#52. Morelli grinned down at me. I don't know where he's getting it, but he's got some really good shit in those brownies.
Janet Evanovich
#53. You see what I'm saying?" Mooner said. "Something else always comes along. You go to jail, you don't have to worry about anything. No rent to pay. No food bill to sweat. Free dental plan. And that's worth something, dude.You don't wnat to stick your nose up at free dental.
Janet Evanovich
#55. Maybe next time we just open the door and start out with some bitch slapping.
Janet Evanovich
#56. I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean
Janet Evanovich
#58. So you need an alarm system because you gonna be in bad neighborhoods?"
"Actually, I sort of stole a car, and I'm afraid the owner will try to get it back.
Janet Evanovich
#60. His hands still held the windbreaker, his knuckles resting lightly on my breasts. An act of intimate possession more than of sexual aggression.
Janet Evanovich
#61. I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don't want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We're hot.
Janet Evanovich
#62. I cut my eyes to the alley. Ranger was still there, doubled over the steering wheel, shaking with laughter.
Janet Evanovich
#63. Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.
Janet Evanovich
#65. When I was painting, I was painting stories I was telling myself. When I look back at it, moving to writing was a very natural progression for me.
Janet Evanovich
#66. I wanted to marry Aladdin so I'd get to fly on his magic carpet. So you can see that we were coming from different places.
Janet Evanovich
#67. Truth is, I think naked men are kind of strange looking what with their doodles and ding-dong hanging loose like they do. Nevertheless, there's the curiosity thing. I guess it's another one of those car crash experiences, where you feel compelled to look even if you know you'll be horrified.
Janet Evanovich
#68. Every man in my organization knows you and understands that you're my personal property,
Janet Evanovich
#69. If you work the program, the program works, Amanda. You know that." "You
Stephanie Evanovich
#70. You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off, but all hair stood up on the back of my next."
I had airport rage."
Fuckin' A," Lula said.
Janet Evanovich
#71. I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth.
Janet Evanovich
#72. I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum
Janet Evanovich
#73. in a parade, and I'd already seen Ranger naked but he was worth
Janet Evanovich
#74. You shouldn't be driving," Morelli said to Kloughn. "I know," Kloughn said. "I tried walking, but I was too drunk. It's okay. I was driving very slooooowly and 'sponsibly.
Janet Evanovich
#75. I'm telling you, it's fucking hard to be classy, she said. T
Janet Evanovich
#76. Men!" I said. "You all a bunch of chauvinist morons"
Stephanie Plum - Ten Big Ones
Janet Evanovich
#77. As a backup, I intended to get a quart of defense spray. I wasn't much good with a gun, but I was bitchin' with an aerosol can.
Janet Evanovich
#78. I checked my phone messages. Three in all.
The first was from Joe. "Hey, Cupcake." That was it. That was the whole message.
The second was from Ranger. "Yo." Ranger made Joe look like a chatterbox.
Janet Evanovich
#79. When I was pink and clean I crawled into bed and pretended I was at Disney World.
Janet Evanovich
#80. When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.
Janet Evanovich
#81. You always did have a problem with undies. Remember when you wet your pants in the second grade?
- Joyce Barnhardt
Janet Evanovich
#82. THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me - not forever, but periodically.
Janet Evanovich
#83. I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?
Janet Evanovich
#84. I thought your mother liked me." "My grandmother likes you. My mother worries that you might be related to Satan.
Janet Evanovich
#85. Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.
Janet Evanovich
#86. Okay, I know he was captain of the football team and he could bake a cake - that didn't mean I was ready to suck his finger. I was picky about what I put in my mouth. "I'll wait," I told him. "Wouldn't want to spoil my appetite.
Janet Evanovich
#87. He rooted for the Mets, he wore Foot of the Loom underwear, and he drove a Buick. His loyalties were carved in stone and he wasn't about to be impressed with some upstart of a toaster salesman who drove a Bonneville.
Janet Evanovich
#89. He blew himself up."
"Get out! You mean like guts all over the place?"
"Not all over the place," I said. "He was pretty well contained, all things considered.
Janet Evanovich
#90. I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table
Janet Evanovich
#91. Look at that skirt," my mother said when she opened the door to me. "It's no wonder we have so much crime today what with these short skirts. How can you sit in a skirt like that? Everyone can see everything."
"It's two inches above my knee. It's not that short.
Janet Evanovich
#92. Ranger slipped an arm around me, leaned close, and kissed me. The kiss was a further indicator that he liked the dress. In fact, the kiss suggested that while he liked the dress a lot, he wouldn't mind getting me out of the dress as soon as possible.
Janet Evanovich
#93. Cooking wasn't so bad, I thought. In fact, it was a lot like sex. Sometimes it didn't seem like such a good idea in the beginning, but then after you got into it ...
Janet Evanovich
#94. I'm going to run you down, back over you, and then I'm going to get out and shock you with my stun gun until your hair catches fire.
Janet Evanovich
#95. I graduated J&W in the top ninety-three percent of my class, and I would have graduated higher, but I flunked gravy. My gravy had lumps in it, and that pretty much sums up my life so far. Not that it's been all bad; more that it hasn't been entirely smooth.
Janet Evanovich
#96. Why do you give me cars?"
"It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?"
"You love me?"
"Yes."
A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way," Ranger said.
Janet Evanovich
#98. Honey, Half the women in NJ have sold him their cannolli -Conie to Stephanie about Joe Morelli (One for the money)
Janet Evanovich
#99. Ranger's Cayenne pulled in behind the SUV. Ranger got out, scooped me up off the ground, and held me close.
Janet Evanovich
#100. I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple.
Janet Evanovich
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
