Comedian Mitch Hedberg Quotes

#1. People say they don't have time to cook, yet in the last few years we have found an extra two hours a day for the internet.

Michael Pollan

#2. When we're juniors will be neck deep in our majors and stuff. Then we have to graduate and stop pretending to be adults, and do it for real. Jobs, families, all that stuff has to come next.

S.A. Huchton

#3. When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

Mitch Hedberg

#4. A side benefit of the new and developing technologies is that soon we won't have to feel guilty about the suffering and denigration of the animals because we will have made them up.

Joy Williams

#5. Suddenly I'm seized by a minor anxiety attack. There are too many fucking movies to choose from.

Bret Easton Ellis

#6. Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it's funny. You're just sitting there like, 'Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?' It's such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy.

Todd Phillips

#7. Life is more or less the same wherever you go, because, wherever you go, there you are.

Frederick Lenz

#8. Divide the target in proportion to the available resources

Sunday Adelaja

#9. I am X in an indeterminate equation.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#10. As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em.

Mitch Hedberg

#11. And of course there was no help for it, except recalling bits of conversations she had overheard from time to time about marriage. That's what knitting groups and sewing groups were for, wasn't it? Commiserating about marriage.

Jane Smiley

#12. As a child I would play with such imagination that the 'real' world was never real at all. It was full of mystery, adventure and possibility.

Fennel Hudson